How do people feed families on £40 a week?

miwa

SandA wrote: »

I'm sorry this whole thing has gone off topic, I don't want people to feel I am attention seeking or anything because I am not. I have taken advise on board and I thought the thoughts I was having about him being selfish were unreasonable, however its reassuring to see they are shared by many and its not just me being selfish.

You are not selfish or attention-seeking. Being a mum is hard! So is balancing a budget and everything else that comes with it. That is why you need your man to help you out and pitch in

dandelionclock30

You have'nt taken his lifestyle away, he chose to be in a relationship with you and to have a baby with you. Not many people can afford to have a single persons lifestyle and have a family at home as well.Unless you are someone like Peter Stringfellow.
Why does he have to spend £100 on a night out? thats a lot why cant he spend £30 or so. Whats he doing to spend that much?
Have you asked him to help out with the food bill? Whats does he say? does he just refuse!. I dont know how you have managed to keep your temper with him, he sounds a right pig.

SandA

I'm not really sure how he spends that much to be honest I would struggle to spend £30.

He is always moaning about having no money, which admittedly he isn't left with much, as he pays the rent and the rest of the other bills, he is left with around £150 a month, he spends £100 on going out, I think he wastes the other £50 on food or something while at work. He is always maxed out by the end of the month (his overdraft) so he can't contribute. I feel I shouldnt have to ask him, he just needs to adapt now to spending less on shopping and it will be problem solved. I am going to be confident, as when he first moved in, we were buying crisps, chocolate, fizzy drinks etc and over time I have reduced junk food to pretty much none. He just needs to stop being such a snob, ingredients are ingredients, food in aldi isn't going to poision him and as many have shown, its often nicer food. I feel he is typically brainwashed into believing that because it is so cheap it must be bad. Perhaps one good shop in there will make him see that is not the case. So if he strops about it, he can just stay at home instead

quintwins

spiritwood wrote: »

the OP said he hides it if she asks him to cut down

I missed that, sorry altho i don't agree with that behavour i don't think it's all the deceitful no different than when your husband asks how much your new shoes where and you knock a few £ off (not that that ever happens in this house mine acually wants me to spend more money on myself), and ofcorse if she's bailing him out she will find out how much he spend anyway.

Op i agree with everyone else he choose this life and his child has to come first. Maybe ask him to take over the utility bills to ease some of your stress while you focus on the food shopping?

As for asking him for money...guess what? is this house my hubby asks me for money even tho he's the breadwinner i'm in charge of the finances, i always give him money as he rarely asks and never wastes it. And £150 to himself is shocking, we have 3 kids and our entertainment budget for the month for all 5 of us is £25!!! Then me and hubby will spend about £50 ona meal out every maybe 3 months, with £150 we'd be away staying on hotels every other month maybe suggest £50 and he saves the other £100 somewhere he can't acess it, it's hard to spend money of you don't have it.

What will you both do if your bank decided to withdraw your overdrafts?

spiritwood

SandA wrote: »

I feel he is very old school, he isn't a bad person. He does say he wants me to go out, but I know we cannot afford it, so I choose to stay in and just be happy spending my evenings with him and baby or baby if he's out. He has always been a very social person and had a typical young mans lifestyle before I got pregnant. I always feel guilty for taking that away. I think he tries to hide it but I know deep down he misses his old life and that's why I cannot ask him not to go out. I know deep down that when I ask how much he has spent, he doesn't tell me the truth. I don't wish to be difficult about it, but I know whats coming and he doesn't.

It hasn't been to bad lately for me to spend a little bit more on shopping since I haven't had to pay council tax, but that starts u again in April, so thats £101 a month out of my pocket.

I'm sorry this whole thing has gone off topic, I don't want people to feel I am attention seeking or anything because I am not. I have taken advise on board and I thought the thoughts I was having about him being selfish were unreasonable, however its reassuring to see they are shared by many and its not just me being selfish.

That aside, I am actually quite excited to visit a few different shops this evening, I think I am so brainwashed that I always felt tesco prices were reasonable but I hope to be pleasantly suprised later. As for another poster who advised making my own korma sauce, does anyone have a recipe?


Thanks all

you are not being selfish.... he is.

and there are lots of kormas here:

http://allrecipes.co.uk/recipes/tag-2878/korma-recipes.aspx

SandA

I am going to be less neglectful in making his sandwiches for work, I admittedly forget sometimes. One thing he does which is very pathetic, is he realises in the morning I have forgot so he doesn't bother making them himself (and the chicken costs £2.70 a pack way I add!) and goes for a Mcdonalds instead! I am glad he doesn't do this everytime but still?!

So if I just remember to always make them, he won't waste more money on food at work, perhaps then he will have a little bit left over, even if its just £20 a month, it will make a big difference.

I will have words tonight about it. No point burying it under the carpet.

SandA

spiritwood wrote: »

and there are lots of kormas here:

http://allrecipes.co.uk/recipes/tag-2878/korma-recipes.aspx

Thanks, will have a look through

spiritwood

quintwins wrote: »

I missed that, sorry altho i don't agree with that behavour i don't think it's all the deceitful no different than when your husband asks how much your new shoes where and you knock a few £ off (not that that ever happens in this house mine acually wants me to spend more money on myself), and ofcorse if she's bailing him out she will find out how much he spend anyway.

Op i agree with everyone else he choose this life and his child has to come first. Maybe ask him to take over the utility bills to ease some of your stress while you focus on the food shopping?

As for asking him for money...guess what? is this house my hubby asks me for money even tho he's the breadwinner i'm in charge of the finances, i always give him money as he rarely asks and never wastes it. And £150 to himself is shocking, we have 3 kids and our entertainment budget for the month for all 5 of us is £25!!! Then me and hubby will spend about £50 ona meal out every maybe 3 months, with £150 we'd be away staying on hotels every other month maybe suggest £50 and he saves the other £100 somewhere he can't acess it, it's hard to spend money of you don't have it.

What will you both do if your bank decided to withdraw your overdrafts?

see i don't get that either.... i would tell the truth. i think it is very selfish to spend that much money when the partner is scrimping and struggling etc. this is his choice, he is a parent and he needs to act like one.

spiritwood

SandA wrote: »

I am going to be less neglectful in making his sandwiches for work, I admittedly forget sometimes. One thing he does which is very pathetic, is he realises in the morning I have forgot so he doesn't bother making them himself (and the chicken costs £2.70 a pack way I add!) and goes for a Mcdonalds instead! I am glad he doesn't do this everytime but still?!

So if I just remember to always make them, he won't waste more money on food at work, perhaps then he will have a little bit left over, even if its just £20 a month, it will make a big difference.

I will have words tonight about it. No point burying it under the carpet.

you have a baby and house to look after and are struggling. can he not make his own? really? :-o get him to make them in the evening- no excuses or mcdonalds then

miwa

SandA wrote: »

I am going to be less neglectful in making his sandwiches for work, I admittedly forget sometimes. One thing he does which is very pathetic, is he realises in the morning I have forgot so he doesn't bother making them himself (and the chicken costs £2.70 a pack way I add!) and goes for a Mcdonalds instead! I am glad he doesn't do this everytime but still?!

So if I just remember to always make them, he won't waste more money on food at work, perhaps then he will have a little bit left over, even if its just £20 a month, it will make a big difference.

I will have words tonight about it. No point burying it under the carpet.

That you have to be 'deceitfully useful' depresses me. He should make his own damn sandwiches, he is a grown man, isn't he?

If he doesn't understand your finances and that you need to cut your expenditures... it just beggars belief. I am trying to be fair to this guy as I don't know him but... it is scary. Have you spoken to his family or your family and asked them for advice? I also know a lot of parents wouldn't mind adding a bit of shopping in for you if you know what you want them to buy, just consider it...

I don't want to be an advocate here but on this forum is a lot of money-making sites... not that you will make enough to break the bank but if £20 is all you need a month you should take a look at Up Your Income. Especially if you have spare time (e.g. maternity leave, stay at home mum). It is tedious work and v. little per hour but it does pay. You could also look at selling unwanted stuff on ebay ect. Not long-term plans but short-term fixes. You, your baby and your partner have to eat after all.

But really the crux of your problem is your partner's refusal to see sense.