How do people feed families on £40 a week?

GarnetLady

Oooh another thing! Do you have a slow cooker? I got a one recently (from Amazon's Black Friday and paid for with vouchers from surveys), and it's been fab for making easy cheap meals. Morrisons have been really good for picking up cheap bits of meat as they've had some great special offers on recently. Their braising steak is £5.50/kg just now. I got a small piece which I flung in the slow cooker with veg, water and an oxo cube or 2. Did a huge pot of beef casserole for about £1.50 the other day.

paulineb_2

And again its very easy to say, but dont bail him out when he runs out of cash. If he can spend 100 quid on a night out and then ask you for cash when he hasnt any, hes not going to have any incentive to change.

And I totally appreciate some people have different personalities, some people are very easy come easy go and others arent. But I think the foot needs to go down.

And also, why cant he have a night out with you instead of friends, workmates?

When I go out for a meal as Ive already said, its to somewhere cheap and cheerful or a groupon offer. Its totally possible to have a social life all be it a restricted one on a budget.

And comments such as you needing to see the GP, while maybe made in the best of intentions, I dont think are helping you. You seem to be doing all the worrying, he isnt.

He needs to manage his own money without asking you for help and if you say no, then he might get an idea of how to budget a bit better.

Hes an adult, if he can afford to spend 100 quid a month on a night out yet you need to bail him out, that says to me, that he cant really afford to spend it.

And I know what its like to be in a job that doesnt make you happy, but priorities need to be keeping a roof over your heads, paying the bills, then you do what you can with whatever is left over.

And if that means he goes out and spends 10 quid on a night out instead of 100 or buys some beer or wine to sit at home and have a drink instead, then so be it.

You need to make some tough decisions and after the strop, if there is one, I bet you you'll feel better for it.

spiritwood

paulineb wrote: »

And again its very easy to say, but dont bail him out when he runs out of cash. If he can spend 100 quid on a night out and then ask you for cash when he hasnt any, hes not going to have any incentive to change.

And I totally appreciate some people have different personalities, some people are very easy come easy go and others arent. But I think the foot needs to go down.

And also, why cant he have a night out with you instead of friends, workmates?

When I go out for a meal as Ive already said, its to somewhere cheap and cheerful or a groupon offer. Its totally possible to have a social life all be it a restricted one on a budget.

And comments such as you needing to see the GP, while maybe made in the best of intentions, I dont think are helping you. You seem to be doing all the worrying, he isnt.

He needs to manage his own money without asking you for help and if you say no, then he might get an idea of how to budget a bit better.

Hes an adult, if he can afford to spend 100 quid a month on a night out yet you need to bail him out, that says to me, that he cant really afford to spend it.

And I know what its like to be in a job that doesnt make you happy, but priorities need to be keeping a roof over your heads, paying the bills, then you do what you can with whatever is left over.

And if that means he goes out and spends 10 quid on a night out instead of 100 or buys some beer or wine to sit at home and have a drink instead, then so be it.

You need to make some tough decisions and after the strop, if there is one, I bet you you'll feel better for it.

i so agree with this. he is taking the proverbial.

becsxxx

maman wrote: »

I wouldn't buy gravy granules in Aldi as if you don't like them you're stuck with a big box. I'd stick with Bisto.

Hi, just to say I buy the Aldi gravy granules (red tub, very similar looking to bisto) and we could not tell the difference on a blind test taste with the last of our bisto and have used Aldi ever since.

HTH

Edwardia

SandA wrote: »

To be honest when I ask him to, he says he will, but then he just doesn't and tries to hide how much he spends. All I get is that he goes to work so deserves to enjoy himself now and again. I can't argue with that..

Actually he needs a major wake up call, you're not being tough enough with him. He has a partner and a child now and he's not only behaving like he's single, he's being deceitful to boot.

My husband was quite happy for me not to work, to do all the cleaning, cooking, washing, shopping, gardening and much of the DIY. But he wasn't prepared to share his salary, though he had asked me to give up work. He was quite happy for me to shop in Lidl and ASDA and buy special offers and cheap food because it meant he had more money to burn.

And he did.. !!!!!! on I have no idea but I discovered a loan for £38,000 in the end and credit card debt of £5k.

I had to struggle with a teenaged secondhand washing machine which wouldn't spin towels while he went to rugby at Twickenham, lapdancing club, took his friends out to dinner in Covent Garden etc. What he would spend in a month would have bought a new one. In the end my mother bought me a new washinng machine for Christmas.

Over the years I cried, pleaded and tried to teach him to manage money. In the end the only thing that worked was taking his debit and credit cards away, his driving licence so he couldn't use it in his branch, and telling him he would be divorced if he didn't stop spending.

That's when I discovered the poverty we lived in since buying this house was completely due to his selfish overspending and not because he was still genuinely poorly paid.

Let him think he deserves stuff and that you, mother of his child don't and he'll get worse. Don't end up feeling that you've wasted years of your life struggling for someone who doesn't give you respect and who thinks more of himself than you and your child.

You really need to stamp on this behaviour right now.

quintwins

Edwardia wrote: »

Actually he needs a major wake up call, you're not being tough enough with him. He has a partner and a child now and he's not only behaving like he's single, he's being deceitful to boot.

Why do you think he's being deceitful? nothing the op has said gives me that impression, yes he goes out and doesn't put his familys needs first but i beleive it's more of an oversight on his part than deceitful. The op has basicially said her partner wants to bury his head in the sand and deal with problems when they arrive so prob doesn't relise the damage he's doing spending £100 on himself.

miwa

Edwardia wrote: »

Actually he needs a major wake up call, you're not being tough enough with him. He has a partner and a child now and he's not only behaving like he's single, he's being deceitful to boot.

My husband was quite happy for me not to work, to do all the cleaning, cooking, washing, shopping, gardening and much of the DIY. But he wasn't prepared to share his salary, though he had asked me to give up work. He was quite happy for me to shop in Lidl and ASDA and buy special offers and cheap food because it meant he had more money to burn.

And he did.. !!!!!! on I have no idea but I discovered a loan for £38,000 in the end and credit card debt of £5k.

I had to struggle with a teenaged secondhand washing machine which wouldn't spin towels while he went to rugby at Twickenham, lapdancing club, took his friends out to dinner in Covent Garden etc. What he would spend in a month would have bought a new one. In the end my mother bought me a new washinng machine for Christmas.

Over the years I cried, pleaded and tried to teach him to manage money. In the end the only thing that worked was taking his debit and credit cards away, his driving licence so he couldn't use it in his branch, and telling him he would be divorced if he didn't stop spending.

That's when I discovered the poverty we lived in since buying this house was completely due to his selfish overspending and not because he was still genuinely poorly paid.

Let him think he deserves stuff and that you, mother of his child don't and he'll get worse. Don't end up feeling that you've wasted years of your life struggling for someone who doesn't give you respect and who thinks more of himself than you and your child.

You really need to stamp on this behaviour right now.

This is very off-topic now but I would have left him if I were placed in that situation, Edwardia. His behaviour is unconscionable.

spiritwood

quintwins wrote: »

Why do you think he's being deceitful? nothing the op has said gives me that impression, yes he goes out and doesn't put his familys needs first but i beleive it's more of an oversight on his part than deceitful. The op has basicially said her partner wants to bury his head in the sand and deal with problems when they arrive so prob doesn't relise the damage he's doing spending £100 on himself.

the OP said he hides it if she asks him to cut down

SandA

I feel he is very old school, he isn't a bad person. He does say he wants me to go out, but I know we cannot afford it, so I choose to stay in and just be happy spending my evenings with him and baby or baby if he's out. He has always been a very social person and had a typical young mans lifestyle before I got pregnant. I always feel guilty for taking that away. I think he tries to hide it but I know deep down he misses his old life and that's why I cannot ask him not to go out. I know deep down that when I ask how much he has spent, he doesn't tell me the truth. I don't wish to be difficult about it, but I know whats coming and he doesn't.

It hasn't been to bad lately for me to spend a little bit more on shopping since I haven't had to pay council tax, but that starts u again in April, so thats £101 a month out of my pocket.

I'm sorry this whole thing has gone off topic, I don't want people to feel I am attention seeking or anything because I am not. I have taken advise on board and I thought the thoughts I was having about him being selfish were unreasonable, however its reassuring to see they are shared by many and its not just me being selfish.

That aside, I am actually quite excited to visit a few different shops this evening, I think I am so brainwashed that I always felt tesco prices were reasonable but I hope to be pleasantly suprised later. As for another poster who advised making my own korma sauce, does anyone have a recipe?


Thanks all

miwa

SandA wrote: »

I feel he is very old school, he isn't a bad person. He does say he wants me to go out, but I know we cannot afford it, so I choose to stay in and just be happy spending my evenings with him and baby or baby if he's out. He has always been a very social person and had a typical young mans lifestyle before I got pregnant. I always feel guilty for taking that away. I think he tries to hide it but I know deep down he misses his old life and that's why I cannot ask him not to go out. I know deep down that when I ask how much he has spent, he doesn't tell me the truth. I don't wish to be difficult about it, but I know whats coming and he doesn't.

It hasn't been to bad lately for me to spend a little bit more on shopping since I haven't had to pay council tax, but that starts u again in April, so thats £101 a month out of my pocket.

I'm sorry this whole thing has gone off topic, I don't want people to feel I am attention seeking or anything because I am not. I have taken advise on board and I thought the thoughts I was having about him being selfish were unreasonable, however its reassuring to see they are shared by many and its not just me being selfish.

That aside, I am actually quite excited to visit a few different shops this evening, I think I am so brainwashed that I always felt tesco prices were reasonable but I hope to be pleasantly suprised later. As for another poster who advised making my own korma sauce, does anyone have a recipe?


Thanks all

The transition from being a lad to being a dad isn't the smoothest in the world... but he should take accountability, as it takes two to make a baby - and sorry to be harsh but the fact he is still with you and your baby suggests to me that he wants in on his or her life and should be taking financial responsibility for that.

Now I know there are lots of circumstances we don't know about (and you don't necessarily want or have to tell us about) but once you are a dad (or a mum) you are a PARENT first, a friend, a workmate, (and yeah sometimes) a husband/partner/boyfriend second.

That is the choice you make when you decide to have a baby. If he doesn't want to live up to that I don't know what to suggest to you, but more than likely he wants to be a good dad and is just having trouble adjusting to not having total freedom of his own life anymore - but then again so are you, why should he be play-acting his old lifestyle while you sit at home cooking, scrimping, saving and taking care of baby?

He needs to live up to his new lifestyle. Be kind to him - because change is hard - but be firm, because he can't go on like this. It isn't fair to you or your baby. A kick up the backside now is better than schisms in your relationship later on when you finally get sick of his little games.