Please help

KellsBells

brainfreeze wrote: »

Come in, sit down,
Relax, converse......
Our house isn't always like this....
Usually it's much worse!

Brilliant!! Your mum sounds like a gem!!:D

chevalier

Hi there

Well done for posting in what must be a very difficult time for you. I have some suggestions some you might like some you might not, but the value of this forum is that you can take on board what fits in with how you think, and can quietly ignore the things that you can't or not up to doing.

So here goes. Here is a list of sites where you can do click throughs for money, or points, or do surveys from your computer again for points (towards vouchers) or money. If anyone else has anymore then could they add them in on their posts?

https://www.lightspeed.com - this is a survey site, where you get points which turn into vouchers (you choose). May not help with the cash flow, but the vouchers could be saved towards birthday/xmas or given as presents.

https://www.caio.co.uk - survey site that gives money. A bit fits and starts ie no surveys for a couple of weeks, then three or four the same day.

https://www.yougov.co.uk - again paid surveys. However takes a while to get to the minimum payout level

https://www.pigsback.co.uk - this is a points site, ie they give you points for buying things via their site. BUT you also get points for signing up for news letters (some of which are even interesting!), and also for clicking on adverts with pink borders. I have spent NOTHING with them but got a £10 voucher through this week (only been registered since January). There is also a thread in the freebies section, which gives you all the daily answers to the competitions so you can have a better chance of winning on them.

https://www.mutualpoints.com - another points for clicks site. You can also buy things via their site and get points too. For a long time, I just clicked the links in the emails they send you, and that gets you 5 points. At 3000 points you get £20 I think. You can do searches via their site and that gets you points too.

https://www.quidco.com - this is a cash back site, so very good, for checking if any potential new insurers (ie if you have checked your contents insurance say and found a new provider), are offering cash back. Eg Lloyds was offering £120 cashback on new policies at one point (the offers do change). You can also get small amounts of cash again for doing searches via their site. You can earn 52p a day by doing this. Every little helps.

https://www.greasypalm.co.uk - another cash back site, where you can do searches and get small amounts of money. But it all adds up. I think you can get about 50p a day on there for nothing. Minimum payout is £20 I think, but you can sign up to survey sites via there, and get extra money that way for nothing.

By using these sites I have earnt nearly £100 FOR NOT BUYING ANYTHING!:D It is not going to make you rich, but every little helps. Other things you can do are

1)claiming back bank charges. If you are going to do this, it is wise to set up another current account first, with a bank that you have no debt with. Just to be on the safe side.

2)Also if you had an endowment you can write to your provider suggesting you might have been misinformed about its performance. Many people have got money back on that. There are articles from Martin on the main site about how to go about doing this.

3) Are you in the correct banding for your council tax? Again there is an article by Martin on the main website about how to go about checking this. If you are in the wrong band and due a rebate, it is for all the year you have been living in the house since 1991, so this can be several thousand pounds back.

The other thing I think you need to think about is your thinking about being a stay at home mum. I am in the extremely lucky position that with careful budgeting I do not work. This is great because it means that I can retrain so I suppose I am technically a student! But this is with a OH that supports me in this 100% and does not overspend on anything. If your OH cannot support you financially or emotionally then you may have to grit your teeth, research appropriate child care and work yourself, SO THAT YOU HAVE SOME STABILITY, with regards finances. This may sound harsh but I genuinely don't think, unless you OH half modifies his behaviour dramatically, you have the luxury of staying at home, no matter what your beliefs are. I wouldn't want to rely on someone who was so undependable.

My brother is a compulsive gambler, all the things your OH says to you my bro has said to me, and his 2 ex's. He left a wife and 3 children who were nearly out on the streets rather than confront his addiction. He also lied and lied and took money that he new was needed for food for the children. Is your OH like this? Do you want to live hand to mouth like this long term?

I wish you the very best of luck with all of this. It must be incredibly difficult to deal with when you should be concentrating on growing a baby. Please make sure that you see your GP on Monday to get checked out.

chev

lotties_mum

peanutpiper, do you live in a surestart area? If so sometimes you can get a surestart grant, they also lend out things like stairgates etc The best person to ask about this would be your health visitor. Also if you do they run mum and baby groups that are free plus some run courses where the provide a free creche which is usually on the premesis where the course is being run so you can still be very near your children if you have any worries

whatatwit

peanutpiper.

If you manage to get a basic bank account, or a basic account at the post office, get the child benefit and any other benefits paid into that account. I presume that you are claiming working tax credit in view of your husband's income level.

Good luck, and keep posting on here.

peanutpiper

Hi, Please help! So sorry!!

My first step today is to go into a bank to get a basic bank account!

2nd.. I really need some help drafting a letter! Smile are demanding money again and warning CCJS very soon etc.... I tried phoning on 0845 but only have mobile and was waiting for ages so hung up!!

Anyway they are saying to pay £888.68 or else sort of thing!! please help me write a letter I will send recorded to say I will go back to paying £40 a month (Which I was til Lloyds messed me over) ....please help!

misspoppy

Hi Peanutpiper

You've had losts of good advice so I won't go back over it.

However you are very worried about baby things and the home, so have you found freecycle? have a look at http://www.freecycle.org/groups/unitedkingdom/ see if there is one in your area, people offer items they no longer want and you go and collect for free. It is amazing what people give away. You will get all you need for the baby i'm sure and probably a new tv and sofa.

I hope you manage to sort things out soon, you don't need stress with 3 children. For what its worth, from the outside hearing about your OH he doesn't sound very nice stealing food out of your childrens mouths, because some time soon you are going to have to stop writing cheques and then it will literally taking food money and the food out of your childrens mouths.

Take care and keep posting.

PrincessStanny

Your OH sounds a bit like my ex. Have a baby with him but he has a problem with drugs. Always lying about money and making up excuses why he couldn't give me any. Was living with him up until about 7 weeks ago but ended up giving up my rented house and moving back in with my parents. Just had enough. Couldn't deal with the stress of relying on him and needed to sort my debts out. I could be really good with money but he just held me back. In the end decided although I felt as though I needed him financially and emotionally that I would be better off on my own...and haven't been this happy in ages.

You need to start being strong and saying no to him. If he doesn't pay his way then he needs to go, no excuses. And he shouldn't be causing you stress either not when pregnant - although I had my fair share when I was! Bet he'd be a mess without you.

Good luck at sorting everything out.

MoaningMyrtle

Hi peanutpiper! (love your screename BTW!)

I'd second the Freecycle idea to try to obtain a better TV and baby stuff.

Also Car Boot Sales, as a buyer or s eller to make money or buy baby clothes, toys and clothes for the children.

You need to try to keep all your money to yourself and give your OH an allowance each day, everything you both spend needs to be written down and accounted for if you want to sort out your finances.

Have you posted your soa so we can see if we can help you with this?

boadicea_2

Peanutpiper - I work as a croupier and sadly see gambling addicts every day - they are the mainstay of any betting-related business.

Your OH has a serious problem and it will not improve (unless he is willing to admit it and work very, very hard to get it sorted). You need to get every penny of incoming money into a safe account in your name, that he can't access. Then DON'T give him anything, no matter how much he whinges. If he's violent, get out - you don't want to end up homeless, hungry and battered.

It is a real distinct possibility that the partner of a gambler ends up homeless and with nothing. You need to think very hard about whether you want him in you and your children's lives at the moment.

You may feel you can't manage alone, but believe me you will - and you'd feel far more tranquil and settled.

I wish you luck - keep posting!

hefalumphippo

Hi there

I have been reading your post and i just wanted to say your baby is the most important thing at the moment, you have to stop worrying for your baby and your health. You sound like you are the grown up in your relationship and your OH isn't there to support you when it is you and his problem not just yours.

Get your basic bank account set up as it will take a few weeks to set up and get your card. The Halifax give you a Visa Electron card so it is very useful.

I have just had a baby boy 2 months ago and while i was pregnant i tried not to worry too much about my debt so i know it is easier said than done.

You sound like a lovely girl who should be enjoying life and you should be happy at this time.

Good luck with the baby x x x