Please help

Snaggles

Yes, the citizens advice bureau would be a good place to start. There's also the CCCS and Payplan who may be able to help with the debts - stay away from the companies that advertise on tv and say they can wipe off half of your debts etc - they will charge you a fortune for their services. Both Payplan and CCCS are well thought of on here, and also by the financial industry in general.

I've got to go because my baby has just woken up for a feed (the joys of a 5 day old baby eh?? ), but you will get some great advice on here - keep posting and I will try and pop back later. Take care.....you WILL get there xxx

peanutpiper

KellsBells wrote: »

On this website, go to the home page and at the top there's a link to reclaim bank charges section. There are template letters on there which you just need to print and edit.

Or, if you think it would be better for you, go to the citizens advice and take your letters and stuff with you. While there, ask about the maternity grant and any benefits you may be entitled to.

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

I am 27, I have already written to banks thank you, this is probably why Lloyds are coming so hard on me! they owe me £3700 or something like that and its increasing as time gets on, every month I have over £170 charges!!!

Maternity grant will be when I am 29 weeks it is £500 and I am 22 weeks!

I need to do something today cos of the stress I feel like I am going to explode!

KellsBells

peanutpiper wrote: »

I was brought up by my mum so I know what the standard of care is! :eek:

Blimey, that doesn't sound good!!:shocked:

I don't have anyone who I can ask to look after my boys while I work, but one is a school now and the other is in a nursery while I work. It's not ideal and it costs us £560 a month, but as I earn £1000 a moth and get some help from tax credits, it kind of works out.

Don't really know what to suggest about OH. I've been very fortunate with my Hubby, he's a guddun and has no vices like smoking drinking or gambling (at least none that I'm aware of!!!). I do know there are people on this site who have overcome unsupportive partner issues though, and they're much more qualified to advise on that score than me.

Kells.xxx

Snaggles

Peanutpiper - just one last thing before I go - if this is making you feel really unwell, call your midwife today - they will have an 'out of hours' number in your maternity notes - you don't need to tell them everything, just say you are in the middle of a hugely stressful situation and are not coping very well, and ask if they can check you over (blood pressure etc). Please don't put yourself and the baby at risk over money. It seems like the end of the world now, but it CAN be sorted out.

KellsBells

I'm 26 - reason I asked is because I guessed we were probs about the same age!

I agree, lloyds are probably being a bit rough with you because of the letters you've sent them - but persevere, HSBC had to pay me back £3,120 in charges and Lloyds will have to pay you - they know that.

Gutted about the grant - when you really need it it's weeks away!

Do you have anything you can sell on ebay? I've had to sell a few items recently - it's a few quid towards the shopping, you know?

Keep your chin up hun, right now it seems like a nightmare, and right now you could really do without the stress.xxx

peanutpiper

Its like he is a little boy having to be told what to do! Having tantrums when he doesn't get money etc... I really love him though! but I really don't get him! (I don't think we are supposed to!?!?) I was brought up with no money etc so can budget and survive! or I could if I was left to deal with all the finances with him just doing as he is told!! but he was bought up with a silver spoon! his parents are in no-way able to help now! they were in really good wealthy way but his dad has just gambled it away! he gave up work to do a 'system' with gambling but has now become a hermit who has noo money! but he is still saying he has made £100 a day!! which is carp but doesn't wanna look like a loser! apparently my OH lent him £30 the other day! but he hasn't given it back!!! apparently.....

OH goes on about his friend who has this and that and does this and that and how he is never allowed!?! - he is the same age as me but really needs to grow up! his dad has used him as a puppet and has a hold over him! its sickening!!

peanutpiper

KellsBells wrote: »

I'm 26 - reason I asked is because I guessed we were probs about the same age!

I agree, lloyds are probably being a bit rough with you because of the letters you've sent them - but persevere, HSBC had to pay me back £3,120 in charges and Lloyds will have to pay you - they know that.

Gutted about the grant - when you really need it it's weeks away!

Do you have anything you can sell on ebay? I've had to sell a few items recently - it's a few quid towards the shopping, you know?

Keep your chin up hun, right now it seems like a nightmare, and right now you could really do without the stress.xxx

its just nothing ever goes right! I am probably gonna have to take lloyds to court which is gonna be more stressful! the grant HAS to be used for the baby as I have given all my stuff away and have sold a few bits on ebay! I have 10 items on now and nothing is selling so fees I have to pay and if they did sell I would have to put them in the bank which would get eaten up!!

Thank you! I am trying! I am quite a strong person but its gonna all come crashing down!!

peanutpiper

Snaggles wrote: »

Peanutpiper - just one last thing before I go - if this is making you feel really unwell, call your midwife today - they will have an 'out of hours' number in your maternity notes - you don't need to tell them everything, just say you are in the middle of a hugely stressful situation and are not coping very well, and ask if they can check you over (blood pressure etc). Please don't put yourself and the baby at risk over money. It seems like the end of the world now, but it CAN be sorted out.

Thank you, but MW is a waste of space! she hadn't even taken bloods or anything, I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago feeling like poop and I am anemic etc.... grr!! She hasn't phoned me or called round and when she did it was vague and scatty!! My phone has been cut off now anyway!! but if I called Hospital its just the answerphone!! I am sure baby is fine! thanks for being concerned but it helps being on here! you lot are really lovely and I feel positive talking to you!

KellsBells

What about your Mum and sister? Can either of them help? Perhaps your sis still has some baby stuff left to help reduce your costs? Does your mum know you are struggling at the mo?

I think you really are going to have to have a long chat with your OH - ask him if he wants to end up like his dad (but don't put it quite so harshly!!) or if he wants to have a life where you can afford the odd flutter but also a nice house and a holiday every year, and a happy partner and healthy family. Show him this thread if you can - it might help.

let me know how you are getting on, and if I think of anything else I post.xxx

brainfreeze

peanutpiper wrote: »

I am 27, I have already written to banks thank you, this is probably why Lloyds are coming so hard on me! they owe me £3700 or something like that and its increasing as time gets on, every month I have over £170 charges!!!

Maternity grant will be when I am 29 weeks it is £500 and I am 22 weeks!

I need to do something today cos of the stress I feel like I am going to explode!

Definitely go and open a Basic Bank Account tomorrow and stop your money going into the existing accounts asap - that is the first thing you need to do. The banks may keep slapping charges on the accounts, but you will have your money and you can argue with them about charges whilst being safe in the knowledge that they can't touch this week's rent amd food money.

At 22 weeks pregnant it is unlikely you will get work anyway, but you will need to think about options after the baby is born.

As I said before, the gambling is going to be the stumbling block to resolving your problems, not the banks and the overdrafts. They may seem to be what's pulling you down now but you will read on this forum that they can be overcome with determination and knowing your rights. However, if they gambling continues then no matter how determined you are, or how much you win back in charges you will no doubt end up in the same situation some time in the future.

Ask yourself

1. Has your OH admitted he has a gambling problem
2. Has he tried to sort the problem before, either on his own or with professional help
3. Do you believe he can kick the gambling habit
4. If he has tried and failed, or refuses to admit the problem, and you don't believe he will give up, would you and the children be better off (not just financially, but emotionally) without him

It is very hard to think about these things but if he can't or won't help you to help him overcome the gambling, then you need to think about yourself and the children. It sounds selfish, but he is being selfish by gamling. Look after yourself and the children. He is a grown up and should be able to sort himself out.

If you do end up deciding to go it alone with the kids, the benefits and support system will mean you would have enough to live on. It may not seem a lot, but in actual fact you would probably feel rich compared to how you feel now.

I am not trying to say give up on your OH now...but think realistically about how long this has been going on, whether he will seek support to overcome it, and whether you can see life improving by staying together.