Please help

peanutpiper

Hi, I really need some help!

I am in bad debt now! My OH earns only £18k a year! we haven't paid rent and he is owed over £2000 in petrol! from his job! he seems like there is not a care in the world! I reckon its becos everything is in my name!

I have just got a letter from Lloyds bank saying that cos I owe them £306 for a loan (Its only 2 months) if I don't pay in 10 days they are goin to take legal action and demand I pay back the whole £4000+

I have written 9 cheques (All just under £100) To cover the rent as my OH promised he had put his expenses form into work and should be paid on 7th May (I know!!)

I have 2 accounts for Lloyds one is £1014.77 OD (with £600 OD limit) The other is £1025.35 (With £950 OD limit)

I also have a smile account which had a £500 OD which was over and beyond its limit and now they have taken OD away and charged me loads that is about £900+

I really don't know what to do!! I need to scream!! - I wake up everynight worrying!!

We have 2 children and one on the way!! Please please help!! magic some money for me..... or just tell me what I can do!!! :rolleyes:

I just don't know what to do!?

Snaggles

Hi Peanutpiper, firstly don't panic, I know that everything seems horrendous, but it CAN be sorted out.

Can your other half contact his work and find out exactly when he will receive his expenses?

The main priorities have to be food for you and your family (you especially need to look after yourself if you are pregnant), and then rent/council tax etc.

Have you looked into opening a basic bank account, somewhere other than the bank you hold your main account with? You could get your OH's salary paid into it, and then the bank can't take it all for debt repayment, leaving you with nothing to live on. Then you will need to contact them and work out some sort of a repayment plan to clear the overdrafts.

Are you working at the moment - if not, have you checked you are claiming everything you are entitled to?

Try not to worry or get upset at the threats from Lloyds - you know you can't repay them £4k now, they know it, and a court would know it, so they are just using bully-boy tactics to scare you.

Don't forget, if you have any bank accounts that you have incurred charges on, you can make a start straight away claiming them back.

peanutpiper

I have tried before to open another bank account!! OH has one but if he has control of his wages then he will just take them out and gamble them away!

He is always pressuring me to get more money out to the point and am a quivering wreck on the floor whilst he just demands I take £100 out here and there for him! shouting he needs the money for his work... car parking, posting stuff etc!

I think banks won't let me have one!! the whole purpose of having another account with lloyds was for a 'bills account' but it just didn't work!

I can't work cos I am pregnant and haven't for about 4 years cos of bringing up kids! I really wish I didn't have such an emotional attachement to my children so I could just leave them and go to work! but I can't! I believe a mums work is being a mum!! I do OH's reports up from home and used to work for another company doin it but haven't a clue where to find paid work doin something from home!

peanutpiper

Can I just say that you talking to me is making me feel a little better already! I feel I am not alone!

KellsBells

Hi Peanutpiper,

Snaggles is right, don't panic - things seem a lot worse right now because you can't see a solution, but once you find a solution you can make this more manageable.

Firstly, do you work? Are you receiving any sort of maternity payments? If not, have you checked what you are entitled to? Talk to your midwife, she may have some ideas. Also, there is a maternity grant you may be eligible for, and it may also apply to the other 2 children you've had (if they can backdate it).

Secondly, get straight on to smile and explain your situation. tell them the hardship they are casuing a preganant mother of two and request you come to some agreement regarding the charges they have made, and if not you will have to commence legal action. Then, make a start reclaiming.

Talk to lloyds - ask them what repayment options they can offer you - the worst case scenario for you is that they take you to court to get their money and you make an offer of £5 a month (or whatever you feel you can afford) they're not going to say no to that!

Good luck, and remember the blood pressure!!

peanutpiper

Is there any type of help I can get for writing the letters? with smile I was paying them £40 a month to get out of the overdraft but lloyds messed everything up!! I feel like I was 6 years ago .... when I was homeless with one child

KellsBells

peanutpiper wrote: »

I have tried before to open another bank account!! OH has one but if he has control of his wages then he will just take them out and gamble them away!

He is always pressuring me to get more money out to the point and am a quivering wreck on the floor whilst he just demands I take £100 out here and there for him! shouting he needs the money for his work... car parking, posting stuff etc!

I think banks won't let me have one!! the whole purpose of having another account with lloyds was for a 'bills account' but it just didn't work!

I can't work cos I am pregnant and haven't for about 4 years cos of bringing up kids! I really wish I didn't have such an emotional attachement to my children so I could just leave them and go to work! but I can't! I believe a mums work is being a mum!! I do OH's reports up from home and used to work for another company doin it but haven't a clue where to find paid work doin something from home!

Hi Hun,

not sure why you can't work while pregnant - I had to, as do a great number of women. Wish I could be of the opinion that a Mum's work is being a Mum, and as I have two children under 6 I live in the real world and I am proud to say that I work full time and I am an excellent Mum. If I didn't work we couldn't afford our home or our food and bills. But you are entitled to your opinion - you just upset me a bit with it.:o

Working from home wise, have you thought about mystery shopping? It's something you can do while you have the little ones with you, and although it doesn't pay much, it will all add up. There's links all over this site to the mystery shops.

Have you tried talking to OH about his gambling? Won't he listen? If not, I'm realy sorry, but I think you might need to have a think about whether this is the right environment for you and your children, as surely you don't want them to grow up thinking it's normal for a grown man to demand money from his wife without caring what stress it puts her under.xx

Snaggles

I'm really quite worried that your oh is shouting at you to draw money out for him that you don't have, and gambling his own wages away. You shouldn't be having to put up with that at any time, let alone while you are carrying his child. Don't be afraid to say NO. He can only treat you like that if you let him (I'm really sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but I feel really upset and angry for you).

How about putting together an SOA showing what income (benefits etc) you have coming in, and what outgoings you have, so we can see if we can help at all - there's a sticky thread (the one by southern scouser) which gives you a guide to how to do this. You should still be able to get a basic bank account even if you have a bad credit history - it might not have all the facilities of a 'proper' account, but it would at least give you some breathing space to help you get your finances sorted.

KellsBells

peanutpiper wrote: »

Is there any type of help I can get for writing the letters? with smile I was paying them £40 a month to get out of the overdraft but lloyds messed everything up!! I feel like I was 6 years ago .... when I was homeless with one child

On this website, go to the home page and at the top there's a link to reclaim bank charges section. There are template letters on there which you just need to print and edit.

Or, if you think it would be better for you, go to the citizens advice and take your letters and stuff with you. While there, ask about the maternity grant and any benefits you may be entitled to.

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

peanutpiper

KellsBells wrote: »

Hi Hun,

not sure why you can't work while pregnant - I had to, as do a great number of women. Wish I could be of the opinion that a Mum's work is being a Mum, and as I have two children under 6 I live in the real world and I am proud to say that I work full time and I am an excellent Mum. If I didn't work we couldn't afford our home or our food and bills. But you are entitled to your opinion - you just upset me a bit with it.:o

Working from home wise, have you thought about mystery shopping? It's something you can do while you have the little ones with you, and although it doesn't pay much, it will all add up. There's links all over this site to the mystery shops.

Have you tried talking to OH about his gambling? Won't he listen? If not, I'm realy sorry, but I think you might need to have a think about whether this is the right environment for you and your children, as surely you don't want them to grow up thinking it's normal for a grown man to demand money from his wife without caring what stress it puts her under.xx

Please know that my opinion is just that! My sister works and has 2 kids and my mum looks after her son who is the same age as mine! I just feel like I have to be there for them and wish I was one of the people that could just leave my children to go to work! I don't trust anyone to look after them (also I was brought up by my mum so I know what the standard of care is! :eek: )

Of course OH won't listen! his dad does it and has made a right mess of his life and what gets me is why can't my OH see????

brainfreeze

Hi Peanutpiper

I'm sure you will receive loads of excellent advice from others on here (I certainly did:T )

Go to a bank (not one you are with at the moment) and ask about a BASIC BANK ACCOUNT - Basic bank accounts were set up through a Government scheme to help poorer families and those who have problems opening a normal bank account - they all allow standing orders, most allow direct debits, but they don't operate overdrafts etc so you can't spend more than you have. BUT the important thing is the money you pay into them is yours and not being taken by your existing bank accounts for debts you owe them. Of course you have to sort out the debts with the banks but get your money on safe ground and then negotiate with them.

You mention your OH gambles....you will need to be very strong and stand your ground with him. I know from experience (not mine but a close relative) that the stories of money owed from work turn out to be no more than that...stories - my relatives OH had already had everything owed and gambled it away...but kept lying to her about problems with being paid and chasing money at work. Be realistic....is this likely to be the case with your OH (it may not be, but people with a gambling problem do tend to cover and invent things to hide their losses).

Finally, you will need to take control of the money and be extremely strong willed to a) stand your ground and manage the money, and b) support your OH to work through his gambling problem.

Good luck and keep posting - you will find so much relief from just letting it all out and talking to your virtual friends.