False impressions

1_step_closer

This is the only header I could think of, sorry.

Now the only people who know the extent of our debts are:

Hubby (I tackle mine he tackles his so I don't list his)
A very close friend
The in laws

As you all know, well those who ploughed through my diary, we traded in 2 good cars for 1 good car as we needed something for work that we share. 1 MOT, 1 insurance, 1 lot of petrol etc etc

Well we were over friends' this evening enjoying Eurovision and when we went to go, the friend commented on how posh our car was and that we must be loaded. Um - no, I still wear clothes from 3 years ago, didn't bring any fancy drinks/nibbles with us, packed in smoking, kind of a clue there eh?? Admittedly we do have a Volvo, fairly new which we got at a good price and is on my list of things to concentrate on. So why do I feel so bad? I don't want to tell all and sundry "actually we are skint but make the most of what we have" and "our debts are £x which is why we have 1 car that will last a long time". I am sure people get the wrong impression - we both work, have a nice house but if you look closer you'll see the same decor as when we first moved in, look in cupboards you will see smart price food, see that the banisters haven't been replaced when my 5 year old dog ate them when she was a puppy.

Should I walk round in a sack cloth? drive a rust bucket? not try and look my best with makeup from years ago?

Does anyone else come across this or is it just me? At one pont one of my neighbours more or less asked for some cash as we "must be loaded". Fortunately his wife who has an inkling of our situation gave him The LOOK and shut him up, but still.

It does get me down.

How do others tackle this? :mad:

beemuzed

Probably best to try some jokey response "Yeah, loaded with outgoings, that's us!" and ignore if you can. We too probably don't give an impression of having too much debt, and I know my secretary often makes snide remarks about the difference in our salaries (she deals with all staff payroll issues so knows the lot!) - I just ignore, because she's right, I do earn loads more than she does. However, like you, if she were to examine our larder, decor and really think about what I wear, she'd realise I'm not exactly spending huge amounts on anything new. (Perhaps she thinks it's all going into an offshore account!!!)
No, you're right to look your best - it's no business of anyone else at all if your car is "better" (and has good life-expectancy) - shows sense!
And if anyone tries to touch you for money - ignore! Must be irritating though, especially if it's someone you'd consider a friend. If his wife suspects, does that prove that we women are better judges and "see" more than men?

mioliere

Why do people get like this? For the last few years I have had a BMW. It's a J-reg so pretty old now but it is still in excellent condition and has just gone straight through it's sixth MOT with nothing needing to be done. We paid £3000 for it seven years ago which I thought was a huge amount but my DH said he was fed up buying cars that turned out to be unreliable and costly to repair. BUT, the remarks I've had when people see me driving it! 'They're paying you too much', 'it's alright for some', 'don't know how you can afford it' (as if it's any of their business!). And this is from people who have takeways two or three times a week, buy every new gadget that comes along and make sure you know it, wear the latest designer gear, etc., whereas all our clothes come from charity shops (I don't like buying new when you can find so many bargains in the charity shops), we rarely have takeaways, make a lot of our Christmas and birthday presents and live an OS way of life very happily, thank you very much! In fact one 'friend' is always making snide comments especially since I had to put her straight - my DH and I used to visit her and her DH for drinks and they would come to us the following week and so on, but then they started suggesting we order a takeaway which, after a while, began to cost us about thirty quid a time. We then found that we were having to budget for this as though it was essential and, when you're broke, thirty quid's a lot of money! We started saying that we'd eaten lunch time, or we'd arrrange to go round later and say 'you go ahead with your takeaway - we''ll eat at home because we're busy', etc., but in the end I was just straight with her and told her that we thought it was a complete waste of money to do it so often and that I could make loads of meals with thirty quid and we just don't want to do it any more. This was about two months ago and we haven't heard from them! The thing is, they'll eat out or have takeaways at least three times a week (which I think is because she's lazy) yet they're always saying they're broke! Some people just can't see the light, can they? She also said she wouldn't dream of buying clothes from a charity shop - well, good for her - that leaves more bargains for the rest of us!

KellsBells

Hi,

I think people get jealous when they see others with possessions or the lifestyle that they aspire to have. I know on the outside some look like they have money, because of the car they drive or the clothes they wear, and ultimately I beleive that anyone who judges a person by this is very shallow indeed.

However, in such a materialistic society as today is, can we expect any different when everything we own, drive, wear and eat is seen to define our status.

Lucifer

Hi,

I agree - I think alot of it comes down to snobbery. I have debts, which I am working really hard to pay off. I have a 2 year old car (which has a very small engine and very economical to run, insure etc and I intend to drive till it drops), and my friend calls it an upside down skip!!

They are a 2 car family, 4x4 and a sports car. Only wear brand clothes, need to have 2 status holidays a year etc etc. They come across as loaded and sorted, but I know for a fact that they have over £50K in casual unsecured debt. I tried to keep up for a very short time (which added to my debts - more fool me!!). But no more - I love them dearly and hope that they love me for me, but I cannot and do not want to see 40 riddled with debt. It will probably take me a good 5 years to sort out my finances.

The other upside is because they are embarrassed by my car - they always insist on driving - hence saving me a fortune in petrol and wear and tear on the car. My children are well dressed, well fed (lots of slow cooker food and not takeaways and processed foods), and well loved - no snobbery is worth more than that to me now. If that means hand me downs and a weekend camping in devon rather than ski-ing then so be it.

Snaggles

Upside down skip lol. I drive an upside down skip too, but mine's about 10 years old I think, possibly more. We save for everything we have, and have worked our backsides off getting rid of debt, but we still occasionally get comments about how we must be loaded if I can afford to have 9 months off on maternity leave etc. It's irritating, when you have worked so hard for something, when someone belittles it by assuming it came easily, but I just ignore it, or make a joke of it.

Lucifer

Dont worry Snaggles - mine will be 10 years old too, by the time I have repaid debts and saved (yes saved!!) for a new one. The funny thing is I love my little skip x

tru

We bought our 3 bed semi in 1998 for £48,000. It was originally on the market for £62,500, the owners had built themselves a house in Turkey and it was almost ready for them to move into. They couldn't wait to move and so kept dropping the price They struggled getting people to view - it's not the prettiest house from the outside lol, but when we walked in we were going 'WOW'. So a lot of our friends think we're rich because we have a house that looks more expensive than theirs, even though we paid less for it than they did for theirs :rolleyes:

Mr tru drives a 3 year old Mondeo, the boss bought it for £11,500 when it was a year old. Everyone knows it's a company car but they still think we must be doing OK 'if we can afford one of those'. IT'S NOT OURS, YOU IDIOTS lol. They ignore the fact that I ride a pushbike :rolleyes:

Also, I have my own business, so obviously I'm rich :rolleyes: Well it's making a profit, but not enough for me to give up my part-time job (though I will admit, it's pretty close). But when I do give up the job, they'll assume I'm even richer. So if I work and make £200 per week then give it up to earn £200 per week self-employed, why do people think you're suddenly loaded (not my real earnings, there's someone who tries to spy on me on here - she hasn't worked out my ID yet - and is very nosey and I'm not letting her know my real wages lol)

Our original debt was just over £25,000, we now owe exactly £11,271.51. I wonder if people think that because we can afford to pay our debt off (although slowly), we must be rich?

livinginhope

A 2 year old car being classed as an upside down skip what are these people on??? I think it's about time people stopped judging others on what they have or haven't got and started looking at the person themselves.
I never look at anyones car or house and pass judgement,well that's not entirely true the other day a neighbour bought a new car and my friend started cooing over it,I then said 'god I wonder how much debt that has put them into?' my friend looked shocked and said she didn't think of that
Too much pressure is being put on people these days to 'have it all' all the kids growing up want a new car,not anything older than about 3 years old,they want to buy a house,but not just any house,they want to start off with a 3 bed semi,they don't want to work for the minimum wage,they want to start on 25k,it's this sort of attitude that has made people sooo materialistic and judgemental on what someone has or hasn't got.When we first started out,we earned £2.76/hour,we had to rent a studio flat,then we went on to buy the teeeeeniest little terraced house,we worked up from there,my first car was a 16 year old banger,it went well I was proud of everything I bought and paid for and all I achieved,now with everything too easily available on credit,you are seen as a bit odd if you haven't got it all
Lecture over
LIH

Beanietdc

Maybe I look at it slightly differently... I don't have all the new clothes etc, I don't have a car.

If I see someone with all the new gadgets, car, clothes etc I wonder how much debt they are in - not assume that they are rich. Maybe that is the result of being on this site so much!

I even watch people paying for something by credit card and wonder if that is because they are racking up the debt.

GirlRacer_2

livinginhope wrote: »

A 2 year old car being classed as an upside down skip what are these people on??? I think it's about time people stopped judging others on what they have or haven't got and started looking at the person themselves.
I never look at anyones car or house and pass judgement,well that's not entirely true the other day a neighbour bought a new car and my friend started cooing over it,I then said 'god I wonder how much debt that has put them into?' my friend looked shocked and said she didn't think of that
Too much pressure is being put on people these days to 'have it all' all the kids growing up want a new car,not anything older than about 3 years old,they want to buy a house,but not just any house,they want to start off with a 3 bed semi,they don't want to work for the minimum wage,they want to start on 25k,it's this sort of attitude that has made people sooo materialistic and judgemental on what someone has or hasn't got.When we first started out,we earned £2.76/hour,we had to rent a studio flat,then we went on to buy the teeeeeniest little terraced house,we worked up from there,my first car was a 16 year old banger,it went well I was proud of everything I bought and paid for and all I achieved,now with everything too easily available on credit,you are seen as a bit odd if you haven't got it all
Lecture over
LIH

:T Well said