what to do?

caeler

Focus your energy on the child. The poor mite is probably getting really anxious about all the 'what if's' and no child should have to worry that much about a parents relationship. Before you saw the message did you notice any changes in the child's behaviour?

notnew

child seems fine - no change in behaviour at all. If I hadn't read the message I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong. Although message did imply it was a concern.

My worry if I speak to oh is that he may want to involve child to find out why they thought any thing was going on. If anything has been going on, I want to ensure that child is kept out of it completely and doesn't ever know that I saw that message.

busiscoming2

Maybe your child is just concerned his dad may cheat again and not that he thinks he is at the moment.

marisco_2

The only person who can tell you what is going on is your husband. You should be able to gage from his reaction to you, if he is being honest or has something to hide. Few people are that good at lying that they cant be caught out.

notnew

the child does not know what has happened before

their worry comes from some message(s) they have seen that dad sent to someone (I don't know what the messages say or who they were sent to)

I really cannot tell if my oh is lying - asking him is pointless.

whitewing

Your primary concern should be your teenager, and he deserves the truth, although not necessarily the full, no holds barred truth. I think I'd let him know that you have seen the messages and at the same time tell him that it may be better for him to speak to the NSPCC or another organisation (Connexions?) or school counsellor or family member who could put your son's interests above anything else, about his feelings, rather than discussing the situation with friends who may not be able to keep it confidential. I don't think you should get any further into discussion about what is happening (although that may prove difficult). I hate it when parents use children to wound and twist, but understand completely how difficult it is to leave them out of the equation.

notnew

I still don't know what to do - speak to oh or teen?

The message I saw did say that the worry was that I would find out. so if they know that I have found out because of them - what will that do to them?

verysillyguy06

I would suggest you dont do either but maybe watch him more closely:

Does he leave his mobile around?
Are you friends on FB?

Maybe start an account and ask him to be friends....


You have not much evidence so, sit tight, I would.....or maybe just try and have some quality time with husband and ask him if you are both ok now after last time??

YoungBusinessman

Well i think you must be suspicious before you started a thread on the matter....confront your OH and say what you seen your teenager say, see his reaction.

SuzieSue

verysillyguy06 wrote: »

I would suggest you dont either but maybe watch him more closely:

Does he leave his mobile around
Are you friends on FB?

I agree with this. You certainly shouldn' tell the child you know and there is no point asking your OH if you can't tell if he is lying.

I would just be on the lookout for anything suspicious and check everything he tells you when he says he is going out etc.