Hoarding - Springing Ahead

pigpen

pleasedelete wrote: »

but space matters more than money.

Exactly this.. I am church mouse poor.. OH has been out of work for 4 years, we have 3 children with disabilities so are both registered carers.. We are super skint.. we don't smoke or drink or have holidays or anything remotely leisurely but selling crap for the pennies reward for the effort that goes in (since ebay capped postage and postage rates doubled it is impossible to make any money at all on there and gumtree/fb selling pages are crapper than crap here) is not practical or sensible when I am so incredibly desperate for the actual physical space.. space will benefit me, or rather my children far more than the hassle of selling..

I ebayed 5 items last month and had 1 item not sell (it is going to the tip asap) and 1 NPB who I had to chase and sort and missed out on selling the item to 2 other buyers because of this one knob.. I don't have that time to give.. said item is now in the CS and I have a cubic foot of air in my house to compensate. Far more valuable than £3.50ish (after fees and postage)

anyway.. I still have 8 binbags to leave the house this week, every time someone leaves they have a charity shop bag thrust in their hand .. the CS will start locking their doors very soon when they see them coming lol

Today I am filtering some more rubbish out of my room.. I am seriously considering selling 2 lovely hand painted glass plates (originally £60 each!!) or I might donate them to my sister, she loved them! .. The XH wants them.. but I'd rather smash them to a million pieces than give them to him, He took various things of mine and hasn't returned them so he can go to hell (this is the 1 thing I am being stubborn over).. I have some glass candle sticks and vases to go too.. they appear to be in my mind therefore on my hit list today... off to fling! (and I am putting OH's broken old VHS/DVD player in the bin whether he likes it or not!)

Oh.. I found 2 headsets of OH's yesterday.. do they work? ... well the headphones work on one and the microphone works on the other... so no then?.... BIN!!!!

Byatt

There is a huge difference in selling things you have acquired as a business, or are left with from a business, to the actual hoarding behaviour for emotional/psychological reasons, where the good stuff gets lumped in with the carp stuff and your home is unfit for purpose. I used to sell on fleabay as a business in my old life, so know how I felt about that and how I feel about my hoarding now, poles apart.

I didn't have/(don't have the energy most days) to arrange to sell stuff. I was buying/acquiring things to fill the spaces, had plans to renovate, shabby chic stuff, whatever, but once home the item just lay there. The psychological process to remove things from my house often took days, if not weeks with some items, the letting go was like being held down by some force whilst the life in me was sucked out. The distress and anxiety I felt at letting something go was similar to a life or death experience.

I would have loved to have had the "addiction" to sell things rather than the anxiety filled terror I felt.

Thanks Whitewing for the anniversary date, goodness, 9th June! I have come on so much, my life is so much better and I have a home now, rather than a place to exist.

Having " A hoard" that is there for a reason and can be disposed of with some time and energy for money, whether for profit or not, and being a hoarder, is in my humble opnion very different. Everything is considerd of value with a hoarder, down to the cat treats boxes in cat shapes that Wh!skers make or a free DVD player when you don't have dvd's...

pleasedelete

Mine wasn't a business. I had items for years. All bought because they were worth more than they cost. I think it was linked to the fact that as a child lots of lovely things came into our house which I loved but they went again as everything was available at a the right price (including my bed).

In some ways the fact that when I did sell something it always got more than I paid made it worse. I had the mentality of well if I don't want/like/need it I can always sell it. But I never really sold anything.

It wasn't hoarding in the sense of piles of everyday stuff. I read this and the decluttering thread but neither are really me. Maybe I am unique. I buy a lot (still have that tendency) but I can part with things- I dont have an issue with that- if the price is right. I am sure I have an emotional issue behind why I buy items.

Stopping myself buying is the hard part- not gettiing rid really. My former family home is very cluttered but all with quite valuable stuff- not junk and when i visit it fills me with horror that my house could be like that very easily. i think the fact that items have a value makes it harder in some ways.

So sorry if I am not an official hoarder.

Byatt

pleasedelete, I am not sure why you are saying sorry, I was just giving my opinion, and defining "hoarding" for me and in respect of this thread, so will bow out and go back to lurking.

lobbyludd

hi pleasedelete, I don't think an emotional need to buy "stuff" is much different to an emotional need to hold on to "stuff".

I think probably people often have a certain amount of both, although we are all unique, I think many of us have common behaviour or thought patterns that we can help each other with.

I'm really trying hard not to buy anymore things at the moment. I don't buy things to sell. I buy things to change my house: I divorced 2 years ago and have been trying to change my home from the souless safety beige and chrome bachelor house my ex insisted on into a warm family home. I also couldn't part with anything because the divorce dragged on for years before it was final and ex wouldn't let me paint a wall or throw anything away even if it was broken, because it was all "his". But I have about 20 projects on the go at the moment, I need to finish these before I buy the things for any more projects. I have good reasons why the things built up, but they are getting in the way of me living.

I'm assuming you perceive that there is a problem with having all this stuff (otherwise you wouldn't be here?).

guinea_pig_girl

Byatt wrote: »

pleasedelete, I am not sure why you are saying sorry, I was just giving my opinion, and defining "hoarding" for me and in respect of this thread, so will bow out and go back to lurking.

Byatt, please don't hide, been missing you, and JoJo and other stalwarts.

pleasedelete

Byatt wrote: »

pleasedelete, I am not sure why you are saying sorry, I was just giving my opinion, and defining "hoarding" for me and in respect of this thread, so will bow out and go back to lurking.

Hi. I think that is the problem with online posting. We say one thing and someone thinks we mean another.

My comment was meant to be tongue in cheek- I can't do winky smiley things as on an iPad. I didn't take what you said as a criticism and what I said wasn't intended to be one either.

At one point I probably did have an issue with letting go but now as long as I get cash I have no issues.

However I dont go to the other extreme and sell anything with a value. I have never sold my children's beds!

pleasedelete

lobbyludd wrote: »

hi pleasedelete, I don't think an emotional need to buy "stuff" is much different to an emotional need to hold on to "stuff".

I think probably people often have a certain amount of both, although we are all unique, I think many of us have common behaviour or thought patterns that we can help each other with.


I'm assuming you perceive that there is a problem with having all this stuff (otherwise you wouldn't be here?).

To be honest I live in a big house and so there isn't really clutter visible but every cupboard used to be full of stuff- garage, loft. I still have one room pretty much full of unused stuff which i am working through now. I must have sold over 10,000 items in past 10 years. I wouldn't want to end up like my parents- cluttered but with valuable items (partly they downsized but kept too much stuff and they buy all the time).

One year I got £37,000 from eBay sales (sold a large collection of items which I had built up over a long time).

At the moment for some reason I buy toiletries and clothes. I don't need either at all. they are small though and so dont take up much space. On Sunday morning I had to stop myself going to local car boot as I knew if I did I would come back with stuff.

pleasedelete

Ps when I say collection I mean large amounts of items made by one pottery company in boxes all around the house and under all our beds. many still wrapped up in paper and in bags from the shops.

I don't mean a collection of highly regarded items- beautifully displayed and admired on a day to day basis. More about getting them than having them I think.

Byatt

pleasedelete, Ah, yes, I re-read it with your intention in mind, so now get what you meant. The written word is truly mightier than the sword.

Hiya, GPG, you are so kind, and yes I miss Jo-Jo and others too, I wonder if Jo-Jo is ok, I hope so. :A

Lastly, buying is a problem for me, but also getting "free stuff" or cheap stuff, whether it be good or complete tat. I justified my acquiring things by saying, well it's free...

I appreciate that the emotional needs of buying and holding onto "stuff" may have links (I've done both in my life), and both can wreck your life, but the path thast has led me to hoard has been the most damaging psychologically. I was divorced after an acriminonious (sp) divorce that meant I lost my home, moved a few times and became reclusive, no-one came into this current house. I am becoming me again, and my recent furniture replacement is an expression of who I once was and thought I had lost in the last 7 years. Like you lobby, turning it into a home.