Hoarding - Springing Ahead

Aaleigha

Just want to introduce myself
and to recognise that I have hoarding tendencies - I am now in counselling and that is help - the counselling is not specifically tied to the hoarding tendencies

I have been reading but wanted to go back to where all this started from so I am back to thread one and have got to page 14 - this is going to take me a long time to catch up - so I will also read this thread from here

I have read enough to have a very tentative plan of action
I decorated my bedroom just before Christmas so it should be tidy BUT as soon as I have a surface it becomes a dumping ground
so starting today I had worked on just 10 things to sort (but have done 18) of these things they are now either put away or in a box for ebay or in a bag for charity shop - of in a bag for repurposing or binning so every day before I leave my bedroom I am going to tackle just 10 things
also from tomorrow onwards I am going to have one thing in and one thing out

I hope everyone on here who needs it has some support in rl as well as on here
I really do look forward to getting to know you all and to ask for your support and give support where I can
Hx

ivyleaf

Welcome Aaleigha I don't get around to posting on this thread very often, but the people on here are lovely :A

catshark88

Another welcome!
:beer:
There is so much help on this thread, support, advice, little tips to get started etc.

It sounds as though you are making a great start!

Aaleigha

Good morning all
Well yesterday equalled 18 things
5 five coat hangers in wardrobe
5 items for charity shop
3 items for clothing bank
5 items put away (ire used the hangers)
5 items in ebay box

So today I am off to a car boot for a good look round I want to see what sort of items sell what people are walking round with and prices
Do I have the sort of things suitable (never done one before)

Now will I break my second new rule the day after it is made -hubby says it doesn't count-oh dear an enabler. My friends very young daughter is pregnant they have nothing so as I don't have grand children I am collecting what I can for this baby
I have a cot car seat pram (being given to grandma to give to teen) items of clothing baby monitor so they will not follow the one in one out rule as they will all be out in August

So please wish me luck
When I get home I think I will sort a hoard of shoes I must have 50 pairs and then boots
So that is my task for today SHOES

One room at a time - is my moto

For those supporting a hoarder good luck and remember you can't change that which is not ready to change be gentle with yourselves as you have the hardest role
As for us that hoard or who have a tendency to try not to bring anything home today unless it will help you let go of other things
H xx

thriftwizard

Well done, Aaleigha, sounds like you have made a great start! I'm still in the doldrums here, wallowing about, achieving nothing much. DD2 & I are planning a big assault on the house over the next few weeks; we've been poring over paint charts and ideas for re-arranging the stuff we really do need, and hopefully we'll make a start on decorating the room she's moving into later on today.

But having a houseful this week has made it painfully obvious that I still have WAYYYY too much stuff. It's a hard call, because now is when I need to be stocking up for the summer shows, but there actually isn't anywhere else safe to store things, so I need to really sharpen up my act & ditch the dross that's hanging around unsold. Also I'm having trouble locating my own crafting stuff; it's been shifted around so often that bits have got split up & I can't find things when I need them. This is Not Good and has already led to having to buy another can of 505 spray when I know I have a half-full one somewhere!

Plus I am totally fed up with having to haul everything from room to room whenever one of the offspring returns home or OH's brother & family descend for a visit. The house isn't big enough for me to have a dedicated craft/stitching room, or at least it isn't whilst we have DS2 & TDiL living with us, so I need to create a defined space it can all live in full time, and keep it there & keep it tidy, and NOT acquire more than I can use & store!

One thing that's not so bad; I have managed to rein myself in over the last few weeks and have hardly bought anything, except a box of good vintage fabric from an old dear who is going into a nursing home. I know I have plenty of stock, so I certainly don't need to buy in any job lots, as I've done in previous years. My challenge now is to do a couple of car boots to make what I can out of the unsold stock from last year, so at least I have enough space to repair & renovate the best things for this summer's trading, and my family have a proper home to live in!

Aaleigha

Thriftwizard yeah for not buying anything
please can you tell me what TDiL - I feel I should know but dont and you also say you go to summer shows and need to stock up - can I please ask what you are stocking up on and is it lucrative - or at least worth while doing
I think with me the trick is to do it once then once I can move and see what is really there go back and do one room at a time a second time and if necessary a third time - I really can get rid right from the start but if I stop bring stuff in it will help tremenously

I did read back a bit and find that someone saved a doll - well done
I have virtually NO memories from my childhood - just two or three from my whole childhood - due to a family rift I also have very very little to help me remember - my son and daughter have both written to my sister to try to at least get some family photos for me - I NEED to know some things - they might help me let go - I am sure part of this is down to 'emptiness' and needing stuff to replace memories I dont have so I dont forget anything

today we went to a car boot sale - and I was horrified to see what people were selling - most of it was dirty looks like it came from underthe stairs or loft and has not seen a duster in years let alone soapy water - I am sure not all are like that - but to be honest I would be embarressed to put some stuff in the bin - (well not quite)

so I am sticking to keep ebay cs bin repurpose - I really dont think I can be dealing with a carboot sale especially as some was asking just a pound for a picture (nice frame) and in the end it went to 50p to me I have better things to do with my day - am I a snob - to be honest I have six beautiful dogs and would rather go for a walk. I will however do a couple more just to see if they improve during the season

oh 6 dogs I begin to wonder if I hoard animals - I do love them they are all well looked after and they are not shut in the back bedroom - there is hope for me I feel

have a great Easter sunday everyone do what you can not what you think you ought to

I started to read from thread one (see I am hoarding threads to read now) and say a link to a wonderful blog hoadingwoes - it is the journey of clearing after a month dies - if that doesnt spur me on nothing will

Hxx

GreyQueen

TDil is thriftwizard's name for her son's partner, short for Trainee Daughter-in-law. Who seems to be a young woman with her head firmly screwed on, from what her TMIL says.

I have been assisting in some surface level decluttering at the parental homestead. It's been a bit of a straange easter weekend; we were out from 9ish to 5 ish on Friday, home but knackered yesterday, have been going our separate ways this morning and will regroup about 2-ish today.

I think I will make another attempt to hit furniture (it has several slidy layers of paperwork, books, magazines on it which mean that the actual furniture is hard to find. Never mind, it saves dusting it......:p

mothernerd

I think I am morphing into a sloth. I did spend a hectic day at mum's partner's house on Friday. His twin grand-daughters, one useless fiance (26 going on 6, most annoying person of the day), 5yo, nearly 2yo plus two doggies (mostly well behaved although either one of them or the useless fiance nibbled one of the birthday muffins - baby is two on Tuesday). Have spent most of the time since quietly reading. It is the most people I have been exposed to since my operation in November and I probably need to decompress.

One thing I am planning to do this week. I have a large stash of pens, pencils etc. Mostly from when I worked in an office that was ear-marked for closure. Individual members of staff or small groups were re-located to offices that were due to stay open over a couple of years and most of them just dumped the contents of their desks by the bins. Having had nothing when I was growing up and having done voluntary work with many small groups who struggled to buy these items, I 'rescued' as much as I could (still regret the large metal waste bins which would have made excellent garden planters).

After nine years I still have quite a lot and have been wishing I could find some organisation that helped equip schools in Africa or similar. Found one on another thread last night so will parcel up those (have a few rulers/ rubbers/ compasses etc as well) this week. They want donations to send the stuff as well so will have to see if I can make a small donation (I have hardly any money until the other house is sold but have finally managed to get back some of the money my energy company took from me - 3 out of 4 cheques have arrived but the fourth will be the largest so may be possible).

I have Marie Kondoed my clothes - they fit in three drawers. There are four drawers so have the gift wrap/ business paperwork and leftovers from my brother's and father's estate paperwork in there as well. Hoping I will have room to move the few items that are in the small table and small set of drawers on either side of my bed. I wasn't allowed to bend until a few weeks ago so there is very little in them.

I am aware that I am quite good at getting rid of small things (the library has a double size wheelie bin for BHF shop donations) but need to let go of some of the larger items. A friend of DS3's took photos of some items a while ago but then I kept the drawers and table as they were useful surfaces to be used as bedside tables after my operation.

I don't know what worries me about selling things. If I give them away I will need to do just as much writing/ work (unless I just call one of the two cs who collect furniture - that's the back up if I can't sell them). Worried about what people will think of the house. There is no carpet in the front room and the couch, sideboard and single bed are too heavy to go elsewhere atm. I can sweep the floor and getting the sweepings onto a dustpan is getting easier but have only managed to mop the bathroom (only a couple of square yards) and had to rest afterwards. Mopping a large room or doing the windows are still beyond me but should come easier in the next few weeks.

I have also managed to move a lot of things into regular kitchen cupboards rather than the temporary (usually front room) shelves I have been using. I would probably be happy just to donate the furniture to the cs but whilst money is so tight, I feel I should at least attempt to sell them.

I am getting more philosophical about the situation at mum's partner's house - both mum being totally involved in her partner's family (never seeing her own grandsons) and the clutter and hoarding there. Have managed to 'detach' myself so I don't feel hurt, but will smile sympathetically and not get caught up in their problems (only works sometimes, still a work in progress).

In the event of a death (either my mother's or her partner's, when in theory mum comes to live with me) I would have little problem getting rid of 90% of the stuff in that house. I have had enough years living with other people's stuff. Things which were too good to throw away and must be kept 'in the family' but at my house rather than the person making the declarations.

If I do live with mum she is only having the front room and her bedroom and I will resist all attempts to dump her excess possessions in my areas (she decided I was 'too messy' to be allowed in 'her' front room in the mythical house we have not yet bought). I don't want to be surrounded by photos of hundreds of people we are not related to or by the cheap ornaments they buy - even mum has resisted suggestions that she has space for more photos of her partner's children/ grand-children/ great- grandchildren on the two clear alcove spaces.

Typically she can find her partner's wedding album (in the back bedroom room of doom in the wardrobe of doom - usually for items so useless they weren't even wanted when they were new) but not her own (somewhere in the house - my dad's been dead over ten years and they were divorced long before that).

I have noted a few items that would be useful but am not going to bang my head against a brick wall. I am also not going to jeopardise my own health by being press-ganged into helping with any more 'church' events. I wasn't asked to help, I was told I would be well enough by then. So will quietly absent myself and if pressed may make a claim for back wages (I have been helping make wedding cakes since I was 3, had to be stood on a chair to reach the table). I am not going to make a fuss but I am not going to be taken for granted any more (quietly digging my heels in).

Thank you all for this thread. I don't contribute enough but I do read along.

thriftwizard

{{{Hugs}}} Mothernerd. Glad you are feeling up to doing a bit, but take your time; it was 5 months before I felt as if I was up to speed again. And feeling taken for granted is NOT conducive to getting your house in order. I only became aware how wound up/taken for granted I'd been feeling when I had cause to sit still and be quiet for an hour this morning (Quaker Meeting) and how that very much affects my ability to actually get on with sorting stuff out/getting rid. I end up feeling resentful that it's MY stuff that's getting discarded, when I'm far from the only contributor to the ghastly mess.

However, having had that hour of peace & quiet, when things you've been ignoring can float to the top of your mind & be acknowledged, I was able to sit down & read Marie Kondo for a bit this afternoon. And one of the first phrases that I read was to the effect that you have to clear your own spaces & dispose of your own clutter first & leave it up to others to follow you. Or not. If they want to continue to live in a pig-sty, they can do it somewhere else, as far as I'm concerned.

Aaleigha, I'm part of a vintage market; we have a regular venue, but also do pop-ups at local music festivals & shows. I also rent a stall in an Emporium nearby, which is my day-to-day income, such as it is. I specialise in craft equipment & supplies, particularly sewing/embroidery/yarncrafts, but also have some clothing rails & general household gubbins - old-fashioned hand-cranked mincers, meat slicers, burger presses, pretty or stylish plates & tea-cups - that kind of thing. I sometimes sell direct from my home, but they'd usually be things that we ourselves have been using that have been superseded; customers rarely come inside!

If things don't sell, I'll wait a bit then Freecycle them; I do dump stuff, but only when it's broken or otherwise beyond all hope of reasonable recovery - i.e will take too long to repair, and no-one else is interested in trying. The danger of going to the dump is that sometimes I come back with more than I took down there, and so it goes on...

Aaleigha

Oh how exciting that is one of my problems old hand crank sewing machines - I have some frister rossman - from before ww1 and then singers from about then right up to 60.s I will choose to use my 201 rather than my electric for most jobs and I have a two treadle machines I can see from where I sit - why - due to learning to sew on the lap of my grandmother she treadled I sewed or I treadled she sewed I could not reach both
when I went though a spell of really really bad depression that is a memory that came back to me so I went and seemed to buy up all I could find - I have let 4 go to good homes - the rest I am having to think about I assume you are in the Dorchester area (Hardy) we visit there quite often