Ex's girlfriend staying at joint home

FBaby

So he has an issue with alcohol. What does this have to do with him having his girlfriend over? You said you got angry when he said his girlfriend would stay over. If everything was so amicable with your boyfriend, why did you have a problem with his girlfriend staying over? I assume she was going to stay in his bed, not yours?

hazyjo

FBaby wrote: »

So he has an issue with alcohol. What does this have to do with him having his girlfriend over? You said you got angry when he said his girlfriend would stay over. If everything was so amicable with your boyfriend, why did you have a problem with his girlfriend staying over? I assume she was going to stay in his bed, not yours?

I've had to explain things as some people voice their opinions on other things, not just the facts I asked for originally regarding whether or not someone could stay in what is still (more than half) my house. I like to clarify and explain things so people see the full picture.

I got angry because of the way he spoke to me. If he'd have approached it differently, my response would have been very different. When you're faced with an aggressive drunk pointing their finger and shouting at you, you tend to respond on the defensive. I took that for ages - I blew because I DO NOT need to continue to take that abuse.

Things were VERY amicable between my ex, my BF and me. But, as I said above (if you'd like to read what I've written), I would not have taken my BF round the house to stay the night with S in the house. I don't think it's right or particularly nice for my ex.

I doubt she had any intention of staying in the house with me there. I know now that my ex was just looking for a fight. I know him well enough to know when he's provoking me. He could argue something was black when it's white when drunk - and would for the sake of it. Due to his 'warning' at work, he came home and took it out on me. He was fine when off the cider, and didn't drink for 9 months out of 2 years. What a difference. Unfortunately, cider sends him mental.

Jx

rpc

hazyjo wrote: »

I doubt she had any intention of staying in the house with me there. I know now that my ex was just looking for a fight. I know him well enough to know when he's provoking me.

Your ex was looking for a fight and you gave it to him. He wins.

The next time he is trying to provoke you, be the better person and ignore it. When someone is spoiling for an argument, there is no better way to take the wind out of their sails than to keep calm and composed.

hazyjo

rpc wrote: »

Your ex was looking for a fight and you gave it to him. He wins.

The next time he is trying to provoke you, be the better person and ignore it. When someone is spoiling for an argument, there is no better way to take the wind out of their sails than to keep calm and composed.

Absolutely. Wish I hadn't reacted. Wish I'd sat there with my mouth closed and ignored it. I think it's cos it's been a very long time since he's been like that with me, and it came out of the blue. The minute he opened his mouth and spat his slurry words out at me in that aggressive tone, I shouted louder with I WON'T LET YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT ANY MORE (might have been a few expletives too!). He looked like he'd been slapped round the face, then just got nasty.

Won't see him now unless I absolutely have to until completion. Sad really, as things have been REALLY amicable and I considered him a friend.

As my mum says, it's very hard to have an argument with someone who's not responding. I will try very hard! He stayed out last night and will be out all of tonight. He'll prob be away Fri morning - Mon night as seems to be the routine (when I stayed at/went to the house).

Not long to go now hopefully...

Jx