Ex's girlfriend staying at joint home

ian_jamieson

Wow, you were right about him and my ex getting together. They sound very similar.

Anyway, I'd not stress over it, no point. Stay with your BF, get it sold and leave your EX on his alcoholic merry way. Life won't be good for him and it's all his own doing.

Time to stop caring so much and just let it be.

hazyjo

BF was hysterical on phone last night knowing I was there and just kept sobbing 'come home' and said he'd sleep on sofa. Just gonna stay there Thurs night.

Texted S today to say he could do what he liked on Thurs and that he wasn't worth the grief, and that this nightmare will be over in a few weeks and my sanity is more important than him getting his own way. Also happened to mention that I'd forgotten what a nasty, slurry aggressive man he is when drunk on cider.

Shame, cos the way he was last night has ruined any sort of future friendship. Suppose it's done me a favour as he's not a great influence on my bipolar BF who shouldn't be near alcohol!

Thanks to all who commented - good and bad. Maybe helped me see two sides, although maybe I should have been clearer about the situation from the start.

Wasn't like I'd actually moved out as such... it's all been going on for months. Months to get an offer, months to sell, it's not like I moved out and left him the house which he's been paying for. I suppose that's how it looked from my first post. That would be a bit horrible if I'd moved myself back in, but it wasn't really like that. I just slept elsewhere most of the time, I suppose! I've still had to clean the bloody thing when I can as he doesn't bother (apart from some of the kitchen).

Jx

susan42

You can actually have a say who sleeps in house. He needs your written permission. I went through a similar thing.

I didnt have a boyfriend and we separated amicably.

But then he wanted his girlfriend to stay. After discussing things with solicitor. He said all parties had to say yes and agree or you could phone the police and ask her to be removed.

Mortgage companies take a dim view of this too. If I was you I`d stick to your guns and it doesnt say alot about his girlfriend if she wants to come to a house your in.

Its a tough one as usually the stronger physical one wins while the other one backs down....

Id do what you are doing and stay with a friend, but if it happens more than 1 night , inform the mortgage company

hazyjo

Thanks, Susan - but I don't want it to come to that. Hopefully completing on the house within a month or so (if S ever pulls his finger out and makes plans as to what he's doing).

Heard today that he'd been given a bit of a warning where he teaches, was being observed in his own classroom, and was being sent to observe other teachers in different schools - because of his teaching skills, lack of tolerance and attitude. He obviously came home drunk last night and took it out on me.

He's 51, btw. And his mood/lack of patience has been horrendous since back on the strong cider.

Counting down the days now - and praying our buyer doesn't pull out or anything!!

Jx

FBaby

So you left your husband to shake up with a boyfriend. You decide of your own accord to continue to pay part of the mortgage. You then decide out of the blue that you are coming back and he has no choice in the matter, despite you having left the house. And you then have a go at him for kindly informing you in advance that his girlfriend will be there as she probably has been doing whilst you were with your boyfriend???

Why should he change his habits because things didn't work out with your boyfriend and you decided to come back? His sole error was to tell you in advance. He should just have invited her as normal and then told you to go somewhere else if you were not happy.

I bet he is counting day the days even faster than you!

hazyjo

FBaby wrote: »

So you left your husband to shake up with a boyfriend. You decide of your own accord to continue to pay part of the mortgage. You then decide out of the blue that you are coming back and he has no choice in the matter, despite you having left the house. And you then have a go at him for kindly informing you in advance that his girlfriend will be there as she probably has been doing whilst you were with your boyfriend???

Why should he change his habits because things didn't work out with your boyfriend and you decided to come back? His sole error was to tell you in advance. He should just have invited her as normal and then told you to go somewhere else if you were not happy.

I bet he is counting day the days even faster than you!

Get your facts right before mouthing off.

Had no problem with her being there when I wasn't. Same as he had no problem with me and my BF staying there when he wasn't there at weekends.

No I didn't leave my husband to shake (sic) up with my BF.

I had not 'LEFT' the house, the vast majority of my stuff was there, and I was there every week for however long. It is not and was not ever just my ex's home. I did my washing there, and would go back for various things regularly. I might have slept somewhere else most nights, but that was mainly to do with his alcoholic temper/aggression.

I can assure you he did not 'kindly inform me' lol. He told me very aggressively while slurring and pointing his finger.

Actually, if you want facts, this GF got in touch with him while we were still married at the end of 2010 asking him to go on some old Uni reunion - turns out the reunion would have comprised just him and her. She was then asking him to do something with her for her 50th. He said he didn't get together with her until around Oct/Nov 2011, but she was apparently married when he met her, now she's separated/divorced. I don't believe for one moment that they weren't in touch during that year.

So, no, not jealousy, she did me a bloody huge favour - but there is some resentment towards her.

If he sat down sober and said to me 'okay, this is obviously going to be awkward for a few weeks, can we find a way where Fiona can come round when you're out, or we can sort out when she's round in advance and you can maybe work around that' then great. But it was the opposite end of the spectrum to that.

Jx

shonzyd

once the marriage was over perhaps there should have been an agreement as to who was going to live where etc beforehand. It was never going to work with you two still in the same house quite clearly with all the issues you have with him. You both got divorced as you say 'ex husband' - why wasnt this sorted in the divorce settlement???

and as you say - good luck to his girlfriend.

I'm failing to understand what kind of boyfriend/girlfriend would want to be dragged into this ongoing mess by staying over regardless of whoever is in the house and when. None of you took the sensible approach and waited til the house sale was finalized and over - no matter what your rights are, that would have been the amicable and considerate approach. Yes you can invite over who you want but for god sake, do either of you really think it was the right thing to do given the circs and the bitterness between everyone. Otherwise its just tit for tat.

But i wish you good luck and hopefully the next few weeks are bearable.

FBaby

You make it sound like he agreed for you to continue to be there in the house. The likelihood is that he didn't like it one bit, wished he could have changed the locks, but unlike you who seem quite naive about the rules of ownership, he knew he couldn't prevent you from gaining access and bringing in whoever you so pleased.

Both being owners means you both can have whoever you want in the house without needing the agreement of the other. You own the place, not rule it.

hazyjo

Hasn't been bitterness til now. Me, my BF and my ex have sat in pub for drinks regularly - certainly within the last 2 weeks. Ex brought drinks round to the flat and would pop in on way home from pub - several times a week. We would have both lived at house til it sold - and we lived fairly separate lives there for many months in separate bedrooms on separate floors. Unfortunately, S started drinking cider again and the moods changed when he came home drunk.

Neither of us could afford to live there on our own and I would have rather stayed on a park bench with a sleeping bag than be home when he's drunk. Didn't know he'd be that bad last night or I wouldn't have even been there. Will avoid him every night until completion now x

Jx

hazyjo

FBaby wrote: »

You make it sound like he agreed for you to continue to be there in the house. The likelihood is that he didn't like it one bit, wished he could have changed the locks, but unlike you who seem quite naive about the rules of ownership, he knew he couldn't prevent you from gaining access and bringing in whoever you so pleased.

Both being owners means you both can have whoever you want in the house without needing the agreement of the other. You own the place, not rule it.

He did agree - we did it for months. £460k house for which he contributed £28k. I don't think he's had a bad bloody deal living there using mainly my stuff while I stayed in a one bed flat so I didn't have to face him drunk indoors - and he's always said when he's away so we could go round. Not sure why you think I'm naive about the rules of ownership, but never mind.