Ex's girlfriend staying at joint home

hazyjo

Selling house with ex husband. I've been staying with BF for around 8 months cut we've split up so Im back at house. Hoping to complete on 15 April

Ex hubby 'S' has informed me his GF is staying over on Thurs night. I don't effing think so! S is an alcoholic and just came home drunk so said it looking for a fight. He provoked me and stood there filming me on his phone while I was ranting saying she wasn't staying. I will not be bullied into leaving here. He's had this great big house to himself and is very upset that I am back til it completes.

Anyone know where I stand legally? I told him to talk to his solicitor and he said he was going to show them the recording. Absolutely livid here. He's been as nice as pie so he could keep me sweet. Now that I'm back, he's furious.

Jx

darren_clarke

i dont see the prob with her staying over, you are split up, he is allowed "friends" to stay over, go out and pull and annoy him

suelizab

for goodness sake and with all the real problems in the world, go get a life. you sound horrid .

G_M

Yeah, well, you walked right into that one didn't you.

He shows that video and you're going to be clearly the evil one in this dispute.

Legally it's your house - so you can live in it till it's sold.

Legally it's his house, so he can invite a guest round if he wants!

Screaming and shouting won't get you anywhere but into the bad books....

gayleanne

I really can not understand why you are so livid, you have been shacking up with your boyfriend for the past 8 months, so why cant your ex do the same, are you jealous that he is with someone else?

hazyjo

I've still been paying £1,150 a month for NOT living here. It's still my home. I've been here for the odd night and have been back to the house every week.

Thanks for the 'horrid' comment lol.

No, I am not jealous! He's aggressive when drunk. He can go to her house like I did when I met my BF. I wouldn't have dreamed of telling S I was staying over with my BF. I don't think it's acceptable. I would have loved for my BF to come here but didn't think it was fair to do that. I hadn't moved out completely, all my stuff is here, apart from the essentials I took to my BF's - partly cos it's hard living with an aggressive alcoholic! We never planned to 'shack up', he just hated me staying with S. They know each other well and he knows what he's like. I've already had him hysterical on the phone telling me to come to his cos he's worried sick I'm here.

Maybe I am not as easy going as some on here. I don't want another woman in my house when I'm here.

Looks like I'm in the minority!

Jx

ValHaller

hazyjo wrote: »

Maybe I am not as easy going as some on here. I don't want another woman in my house when I'm here.

Actually, I see your point. As I see it, it takes all owners to agree on a guest, although the bar to refusing a day guest should be higher. If he wants to overnight with someone, then they have to find somewhere where all the owners are OK with it.

Although if just one person is bearing the cost of a property and living there alone, then they should be a lot more free.

hazyjo

If he'd been paying for it all and I'd actually moved out completely, I'd agree it'd be out of order. House sale has been going through since Dec. I'm the one who came back to handle the viewings, I've dealt with all the house sale, I've only been 2 mins round the corner. He used to pop into my BF's flat on the way home from pub. But I wouldn't have wanted him to stay the night!

It wasn't a nice conversation when he told me she was staying, he did it in a very nasty provoking way and was VERY drunk. I only bit back cos I took his drunken crap for years and told him in no uncertain terms he could no longer talk to me like that.

shonzyd

by the sounds of it the only reason you went back was because you split u with your boyfriend.

you've obviously both been leading separate lives up until the point you decided to go back.

and WHY oh WHY are you paying for it all if you feel that way??? Sounds like you both tried to have your cake and eat it and its backfired. You know he's a drunk, you have known for years, did you really expect anything different???

why don't you just invite your boyfriend round - then everyone's happy lol

BitterAndTwisted

If you're not a couple any longer then you can't dictate who he invites round to stay, regardless of what you're paying or how much. I understand that it would be irksome and unpleasant to have to tolerate him having his new squeeze stay over but it's not your call. Been there and bought the T-shirt.

hazyjo

Calmed down a bit now. I suppose it's one of those 'you had to be there' moments.

If he'd have been sober, sat down and said, right, this is only for a few weeks, can we work something out where F can stay over... fair enough. But he sat there slurring, deliberately provoking me. He was pi**ed, very aggressive and angry and started the conversation with finger-pointing, saying 'I'm telling you now...' (when he eventually stuttered/slurred the words out).

He then tied himself in knots unable to string a sentence together. His drunk brain couldn't work out what I was saying. One minute, he said she was staying, then that she wasn't - while yelling at me 'WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN'. I was getting completely exasperated trying to make sense of what he was actually telling me, then the camera came out and he started filming me - which I wasn't aware of. By the time I knew he was filming, I was shaking like a leaf and very blotchy. He can be very intimidating, he's a big stocky bloke (think 'Buster Bloodvessel' on an incredibly bad day, all puffed up)!

I was paying half of EVERYTHING - even half of ALL his shopping until September. I never really planned to move out as such, I just stayed with my BF after my dad died last (late) July. From around Nov when S started seeing his GF, my BF and I would stay at the house (or just be there during the day) 1-3 times a week depending on whether or not S was away all weekend. I'd stay there on my own (with S upstairs) maybe once a month or so.

All I can say is good luck to the GF. She'll need it when he's hospitalised for the third time with an erratic heartbeat at over 200bpm again...

I think I might just let him bully me out and I'll go stay elsewhere on Thursday. Not worth me feeling intimidated/upset when it'll hopefully all be over in a few weeks. Not worth the grief, really. He just caught me totally off-guard with his aggression and spite. I'd forgotten just how nasty he can be when that drunk.

Jx