Need advice fast, regarding stopping contact

make_me_wise

OP what your ex inflicted on you was abuse. Abuse always escalates, this is a known fact. Was there ever a time when you would not have thought it possible that he would have hurt you? Yet he did didn't he. It is highly likely, going by what you have told us on this thread, that your children could be next.

travelchick

I have promised the children that they are not going to see daddy for a little while, I have said that if he wants to visit he can see them but that it would have to be somewhere that daddy couldnt take them away from.
I have told them that i think dads a little stressed with work and isnt himself at the moment.
I dont know what else to tell them?
im not letting them go on any unsupervised visits with him or his family just to be on the safe side

Thank you all so much for not thinking im a crank, im just really worried about the kids and although there is no love lost between my ex and i i want him fixed so my kids get their loving dad back

FBaby

He is making threats of ending their lives and his with them. That's what that message says. Now it could have said in anger, after having too many to drink and maybe didn't mean a word of it, but....maybe he did mean it. Don't take it lightly, you need to go to the police or social services urgently (I know I am going the other extreme of my first messages, but that message to me is massively scary).

nearlyrich

What a horrible situation for you to be in, I hope you get the help you need, I agree that both parents should be involved in the upbringing of children but sometimes you have to take a tough decisions for the benefit of the children concerned.

travelchick

I think I will call social services and make and appointment and take the phones with me so they can see whats being text, if they are of the same mind set as you guys they will step in and help.
maybe then they will get him some extra help

daska

Actually, on second thoughts, ring SS now, they are there 24/7. As he's not physically present it's unlikely they'll do anything tonight but it means the correct people will be notified ASAP and hopefully you'll get a call back

Emmylou_2

As well as contacting SS/CAFCASS, please contact SSAFA - the Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen Family Association. They will have seen this before and know how to deal with PTSD and the effects on the wider family.

daska

I can't see the point of contacting CAFCASS, AFAIK they won't give advice on personal circumstances as they only get involved when directed to by the Court. Have things changed?

travelchick

Hello everyone,
I wanted to thank you all so much for your advice yesterday.
Today i phoned social services and they agreed that I should stop all contact including phonecalls and let him take my to court to change that situation.
the social worker said with the past issues we have and the record from school and therapists showing the ongoing stress that the children have been put under that no judge would look at his case without making sure he got proper help with his issues.
They also agreed agreed that he seems to be a bit of a worry with his threats to take the children away and have advised me to let the schools know that they children are not to be released to dad, although ithe schools cant stop him taking them they can phone me and get me to come to the schools and prevent him taking them.
The social worker agree that my daughter needs more urgent counselling and are getting her a CAf referal so she can get therapy fast.

Thank you again for your support and for not thinking I was being OTT

xxxx

marisco_2

Well done on contacting social services. I am glad they have given you such wise advice. I imagine you may have mixed emotions about stopping the contact for now but you are 100% doing the right thing.

Your ex clearly needs some help and support to be put in place so that in time he can be a good dad again to your children.