Need advice fast, regarding stopping contact

Mojisola

travelchick wrote: »

I have been to the proper authorities and they have all agreed that spending time alone with their dad is emotionally damaging to my children. My ex is very controlling and fills their little head with all manner of things that are not true, my 11 year old daughter had a break down at school and told everyone what things dad has been saying, my 9 year old son is in play therapy because of him and my 16 year old daughter has severed all ties with him.
The Welfare officer who liaises between school and social services say i need to stop contact asap and i have a duty of care to the children to protect their mental welbeing.
( my ex is army and had PTSD which they say is now better however from what he says to the children and texts me he seems very delusional and the social services feel that the army should be brought into this situation because they feel he could benefit from more help)

travelchick wrote: »

he has told them he is going to take them to a place where they never have to see mummy again he has text it to my daughter so I have proof of this.

With the combination of prior PTSD and this kind of statement, I would be very concerned about the children's physical safety as well the emotional effects on them.

Would he harm them and himself in order to get them away from you?

marisco_2

Are social services fully aware of what is going on? The last statement in Mojisolas post is exactly what went through my mind too.

BitterAndTwisted

"He has told them he is going to take them to a place where they never have to see mummy again".

Eff me! I'd cut all contact right now and not think twice about it. Are ss and the welfare officer aware of these threats? What about the bogus social worker?

FBaby

"He has told them he is going to take them to a place where they never have to see mummy again".

That is a very serious threat and I think would justify an emergency order. I would contact CAFCASS immediately, tell them you have this in writing on your daughter's phone and request an urgent meeting as you will not send your children to him due to fear of harm.

I'm sorry for undermining your concerns. If my ex texted this to my daughter, I certainly wouldn't send them, however, you need to take action immediately. I personally would have gone straight to the police as it is a serious threat that needs to be recorded.

make_me_wise

travelchick wrote: »

however they are scared of him and have expressed they are scared to go and see him, he has told them he is going to take them to a place where they never have to see mummy again he has text it to my daughter so I have proof of this.

For children to be scared of such a close relative he would need to be displaying signs of being emotionally unhinged.

I dont wish to scare you here but the statement I have highlighted means only one thing to me. I think he is planning to do them and possibly also himself harm. There is only one place he could take them where they would never have to see you again. I dont think I need to spell out where that is. If he didn't plan to do them harm they would always be able to decide to see you again if they wished to, from wherever they were.

I would strongly recommend contacting social services as a matter of urgency and not allowing any unsupervised access at this time. Not something I normally advocate but in this instance I think it is imperative for the childrens safety. Speak to the school and make them aware of all you have just explained to us. If he turns up at their school he can collect them and take them if he has parental responsibility. The school could try delay tactics but ultimately they could not stop him leaving with the kids for long.

travelchick

Ive got to be honest im a mess, I thought my daughter was going through puberty which is why she was so angry all the time.
i feel so bad that i didnt realize there was more to this than a kid growing up.
i dont have anyone to talk to about it all.
I just hate that im going to stop the kids seeing their dad, they love him and he loves them but he seems to be so scary in his ways at the moment?
I grew up with divorced parents and my dad saw me all the time and i have always been the same with their dad, he is remarried and when he was in Afghan i even took the kids to visit their step mum so that they maintained contact as she is a big part of their life, Im not one of those woman who hasnt moved on, my partner and I love our weekends of kid free fun, but i love the kids a little more.

travelchick

Mojisola wrote: »

With the combination of prior PTSD and this kind of statement, I would be very concerned about the children's physical safety as well the emotional effects on them.

Would he harm them and himself in order to get them away from you?

I dont think he would harm them they are scared of him because he is a shouter however he dosnt hit them.
when our marriage broke down he didnt copy well and was violent to me but never to the children, but he is scary its the whole bible quotes,
" do on to others as thy would have done to thyself" ect really weird

Mojisola

travelchick wrote: »

I just hate that im going to stop the kids seeing their dad, they love him and he loves them but he seems to be so scary in his ways at the moment?

Their safety is more important than anything else in the short term.

You could offer supervised contact for a period to see if the children are more comfortable with meeting him with other people there.

Caroline_a

If your children do not want to see him then they don't have to. No court in the land would force them to. I would sit them down and ask them if they want to go because if they don't want to you will support them in their wishes. And so will a court. Let him rant and rave, but if you have people like the welfare officer advising that they do not go, then you won't have any problem.

daska

Ring Social Services first thing tomorrow morning - the implications of that text combined with a history of PTSD should satisfy their restriction of only preventing physical harm!!!!

Then ring the Court and ask how to seek an emergency order - I'm not an expert but I'd guess you're looking for a residence order, contact order but what will probably be issued at the first hearing is a prohibited steps order to prevent him contacting the children in person or by any other means including a 3rd party, collecting them from school etc.