Opinions & advice greatly appreciated, please!

VestanPance

He's cheated and destroyed the relationship. Dump him and move on. The fact he's military and been deployed shouldn't be a factor. Nobody forced him to join the army. He's not a conscript, he signed up on his own free will.

shell86_2

Thank you to all for their opinions, I still don't know what I am going to do, I might as well just tell him how I feel and see what he comes back with. Last time he was more worried about losing his respected position (he is an officer doing very well for himself) as if anyone found out what he was up to he would probably be thrown out. That is how serious this is

I left my job and my friends to be with him and I have no idea what to do if I leave him.

I have my health and I am young so I will figure something out.

meritaten

peachyprice wrote: »

Sorry, he can't have it both ways Meri.

He was in a war zone when he was cheating last time, but that's alright is it? He can be distracted by screwing around with someone he is on tour with and all that that entails, risking being the cause of casualties or fatalities, but poor boy can't be distracted by OP ending the relationship?

Being in the forces doesn't exonerate him from suffering the consequences of being a complete !!!!!!.

you are entitled to your opinion peachyprice - But, there is a world of difference between being distracted by a 'bit on the side' and someone dumping you from a long term relationship.

It is totally up to the OP - she is the one who would have to live with any consequences.

Person_one

meritaten wrote: »

she is the one who would have to live with any consequences.

I think that's really unfair to someone clearly confused and struggling.

If she ends her relationship, all she'll be responsible for is ending her relationship.

I really can't buy into this idea that soldiers on the front line can be so fragile that getting dumped would meant they couldn't do their job properly.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You know, I've looked at both sides of this, and I'm wondering why it's so bad to send a Dear John, rather than keep him hanging on, but not for him to have screwed somebody else.

peachyprice

meritaten wrote: »

you are entitled to your opinion peachyprice - But, there is a world of difference between being distracted by a 'bit on the side' and someone dumping you from a long term relationship.

I see no difference whatsoever. He's the kind of man who allowed himself to be distracted while on duty, he put his colleagues and civilians at risk by being distracted by a female colleague, enough to have a sexual relationship with her, while ON TOUR.

He isn't going to be that devastated by OP breaking off their relationship, (not marriage, not engagement, just an on-off relationship) where there were no children involved if he was willing to risk the lives of all those he was on tour with by cheating with a colleague in the first place.

You can't project the values of your own serving family members onto everyone in the services, they're not all sensitive, caring, family people.

As for OP dealing with the consequences of breaking up with him? That lies firmly at his own feet for cheating in the first place.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

meritaten wrote: »

you are entitled to your opinion peachyprice - But, there is a world of difference between being distracted by a 'bit on the side' and someone dumping you from a long term relationship.

It is totally up to the OP - she is the one who would have to live with any consequences.

A long term relationship that can't have meant much when he was diddling someone else?

OP - just send a 'I'm sorry but I just don't trust you any more' type message and get on with your life - go back to your friends and look for a job there. Life is too short.

bedpotato_2

shell86 wrote: »

Last time he was more worried about losing his respected position (he is an officer doing very well for himself) as if anyone found out what he was up to he would probably be thrown out.

Speaking from my own experience (my ex hubby was a JNCO in the RAF), with today's loose morals it is highly unlikely that any officer would be demoted or discharged purely for having an affair. Fifty years ago, maybe; but not nowadays. People have such loose morals nowadays that practically anyone who wants to seems to be having an affair, even the higher ranks. If you discharged one unfaithful man, you'd have to discharge them all!

Where was he getting this idea that he would be discharged? There are two possibilities that occur to me. Either he is misinformed on the subject and is jumping to wrong conclusions, or he knows perfectly well that unless he is some kind of VIP, his private life would have no implications on his military career, but deliberately said that to you to make you feel worried and deter you from blabbing to everyone about what a shameless g!t he's being. :mad:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Probably means he's knocking off his senior officer's daughter.

j.e.j.

shell86 wrote: »

if anyone found out what he was up to he would probably be thrown out. That is how serious this is

This is evidently more serious than just a 'bit on the side' then, by the sounds of it. Maybe he's breaking army rules about 'relationships' between serving officers, or with someone subordinate to him in the army.