Right time to move in together?

kittendothroar

jetplane wrote: »

Firstly congratulations on coming through a difficult time :T

I would speak to my housemate and mention that you are concerned that you feel you receive the silent treatment. Is it real or perceived and is there a way you can have your partner stay over that will suit you both. I only say this because many years ago I shared for a short period and we had an agreement that visitors stayed on certain nights so that the other one never felt ambushed. Make sure you are not looking for a reason to move in with your BF.

On the other hand if you can transfer to a 1 bed easy enough and can afford then no one can tell you when is a good time because you could move in tomorrow and last forever or a couple of months, you could wait a year and miss out on all of the fun, who knows.

However there are things you need to discuss and in this paragraph you are already expressing disappointment. It does enter your thought process otherwise you would not write it, why does he need guidance to clean and buy veg?



Accept him for what he is, the same as he accepts you, respect the differences between you and have fun. Don't be afraid to jump.
Good Luck

Thankyou firstly I think so much comes from my previous insecurities and how I was treated by my ex, almost setting my self up for failure incase it doesn't work out. My heart was nearly broken last time and I am scared as hell next time its not repairable.

I did have a conversation with flatmate not that long ago, there doesn't seem to be an acceptable amount of times he stays...she is very contradictory and blows hot and cold. One of the reasons too I had already considered moving elsewhere as it messes with my head! My previous anxiety issues have never helped and we have been at war enough times in the past! :eek:

Lol he doesn't need guidance as such, have told him I am not there as his mother/ cook/ cleaner - again because the ex pretty much expected all of that, I just don't want to feel used again. Or live with a tramp! My dad was a hoarder growing up, and I can't bear mess around me. I have issues :rotfl:

I do respect our differences, and I am sure he does too. As always I over analyze things despite 6 weeks of CBT practice but trust me its way better than before! I actually feel comfortable at the thought of moving in, which I suppose does scare me too!

meritaten

I was going to say - if you have to ask don't do it! but changed my mind after reading your post twice! I think you really want to but don't trust your own judgement. and are just hoping people will support you.
I am going to say 'go for it'! you sound so positive about your relationship, I would say if you don't try then you may miss out.
and good luck!

kittendothroar

Hello all - I wanted to come back and update you as you were all so helpful...

So we put ourselves on the waiting list, didn't expect to hear for ages....and out of the blue we have been allocated and move in on the 17th together! Gulp but good gulp! I talked over all my insecurities and think we will be just fine

FBaby

Congratulations! Don't worry, moving with someone is always as much exciting as nerve wracking at which ever stage of the relationship you are. Just make sure you listen to each other if there are any issues surfacing and be prepared to make compromises.

It will be wonderful to be able to be together everyday without walking on eggshells. Happy days!

Brighton_belle

Thanks for updating us - it's always lovely when an OP does. Good luck - just keep talking and being kind to each other, even when you annoy each other:).
It will be a wonderful relief to be able to close your door and just be the 2 of you... and reduced bills:T

marisco_2

OP I hope you and your partner will be very happy living together and that it works out for you both. You have clearly been through a rough time in the past. I think it is only natural that you have felt cautious about making this beg step. Very wise to have talked it all through so openly with each other, that should stand you both in good stead. Best of luck