Right time to move in together?

kittendothroar

I am really asking for reassurance I guess with this question but anything is helpful!

Over the past two years I went to hell and back, including two major and a minor surgery, splitting with long term fiancee (who subsequently is known as s&ithead) and two house moves to name only part of it, oh and a long battle with anxiety and depression....

However I have turned my life around, am enjoying work again and life, and nearly off the meds :j and just before Christmas a long term friend of friends, who I kinda knew suggesting spending more time together, without our mutual friends...despite my protests at not wanting to commit to anything long term, my heart obviously had secret plans, and over the new year we hooked u:pp, and have been together ever since :eek:the more time we spend together, the more I really like him. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, we share a love for crap telly late at night, eating icecream and just generally having fun, whether playing golf on the driving range in the freezing cold, to having duvet days. He has taught me that its okay to relax and not do anything. Additonally my erratic shifts don't bother him. He knows all about my recovering mental health and never judges me, he is just there for me, as much or as little as I demand. And he eats whatever I put in front of him!

Unfortunately we both rent single rooms, and my flatmate isn't exactly enamored when he stays over, and his place is a bachelor pad from hell.... And so talk has turned to moving in together (which actually if I can transfer under my social housing landlord to a one bed property it will actually save me money by sharing the bills!). Whilst I know on the surface we have not been together very long, it feels so very right. He already knows I am going to brainwash him into washing tea towels every other day and hoovering on a regular basis, and in turn me to relax and that its okay to sit still sometimes. And we laugh about it.:rotfl:

I guess I just don't trust myself making decisions - I was with my ex for nigh on 9 years, and he was very judgmental and controlling, so I can't help sometimes but compare the two - are polar opposites thank heaven!

Lilith1980

You sound very happy with this guy, but also like your past experiences are holding you back?

I've been through a few bad relationships...finally got married in 2008 to the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with and he turned out to be a carp as well!!

We split in March 2010 as he was acting like a tool, and had been seeing someone behind my back. About a month later I started chatting to a guy at work who I had known but not interacted with much at all. Wasn't expecting another relationship so soon but we got together (needless to say my mum was concerned!) and 3 years later we are still together

I am a bit of an old romantic and would say you should go with your heart - but I can also see why you are cautious. My OH didn't move in with me until about 9 months after we'd been together (although that seems quick to me too) but by that point I knew he wasn't an idiot and had been through enough bad relationships to see the warning signs.

I guess I don't have any answers for you, but your post seems very happy and you sound very contented - and deservedly so. Why not give it a go?

System

I think when you get to the stage where he has as many clothes at yours as at his own place.... he's sort of moved in already.

When you prefer his company instead of being without him. I could go on.

Person_one

Its very very very early days. At this stage of a relationship, of course you're both head over heels and completely ignoring each other's flaws, that's how it works at first or the species would have died out!

I'd advise against it, personally. You've been through a lot, take a bit of time to recover without there being so much pressure on this new relationship to succeed. When you move in, it ups the ante and makes the consequences of a split so much harder, and its only been a few months!

Listen to your head, its got you this far!

londonsurrey

What is your flatmate's objection to him staying over? Is it the overcrowding, or lack of privacy, or lack of monetary contribution?

FBaby

Moving in with someone is always challenging, especially if you have been used to your ways, because you discover things about your partner that can put them in a very different picture.

Usually, the longer you have been together, the more you have built some commitment and expanded your love, the more likely you are to compromise, know how to communicate together and are prepared to face differences.

My partner and I planned to move together only a few months after meeting each other, but in the end, it took 18 months! Still it was a massive adjustment when we did, and I am not sure we would have made it work if we had done so as soon as we decided to do so.

If you are going to do so, you need to be pragmatic about it and discuss habits and be honest about how you might do things differently. Could you cope if he turned out to be a lazy slob (he might very well be making efforts right now) or the opposite, to have OCD? Are you confident that he manages his money responsibly? All those questions, you do need to have an idea. After that, well, just plunge. The worse that can happen is that you go your ways again, but if it meant to be, you might as well enjoy it as soon as you can!

suki1001

Well, this is a girl speaking who moved in with her boyfriend after 2 weeks together. Although we'd spend a year just being friends.

I was head over heels, knew he was the one and we're still together - 16 years, married for 11. But i knew he was the one, so you need to know that.

He was the only person who I'd ever gone out with that I thought that about and I had lived with someone before. He felt like a "keeper", so I just didn't waste my time. I like the way we didn't wait, because why wait, if you know you're going to be together?

However, I think this worked for us because, because we were both so certain there was a long future ahead. I wouldn't have been so forthcoming if I had been just wanting to see if it would work out.

tejsmith

We moved in together 3 weeks after we started dating. We were told off by all our friends and family, but will be 3 years together (and in our lovely flat) next month. If it feels right and you want to, then go for it - it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out, but I'm sure it will

Tiglath

DH moved in with me after 6 weeks, and we've been together 15 years, married for coming up to 12. I knew almost instantly that he was the one though; if I hadn't been sure or had any doubts, it wouldn't have happened until much later.

HeadAboveWater

Met OH in June.
Within a few months I was staying at his more often than my mums. I'd have been with him all weekend and leaving for work on a Monday morning, knowing I wouldn't see him til Tuesday, broke my heart. (I know! A whole 24 hours! )
1st Dec I moved in.

We'll be 2 years together this June.

If it feels right you'll know!

TeamLowe

met Mr Lowe June 2008, moved in October 2008, married April 2011:D

moving in with someone is always a risk. being with someone in seperate houses for two years doesn't mean that you won't have the shock when you move in together and oh dear lord stop leaving your shoes in the middle of the floor, why is the washing up not done, etc etc

there's no need to rush and it's always going to be a risk but as i've always said, it was my mistake to make.
from what you've said at least your hobbies etc seem similar so your down time will be spent together

PS it helped us that first gettingtoknowyou year that we was renting a flat on a fixed term contract, cheap enough that we weren't stretching ourselves and one could afford if need be. an exit strategy sort of thing if it didn't work out. took the pressure off it working out. there were times when i felt like walking away and knowing i could leave made me think about why i wanted to stay, rather than feeling trapped if you get me x