Right time to move in together?

LisaLou1982

My OH was living with me as a Mon-Fri lodger for 12 months before he asked me out! We went on a few dates, spent more time together and realised how great we are together!

So technically weve lived together since day 1!! lol

Lara44

We waited for a year and still though that was moving fast

I'd wait OP - if something is good, positive and right, then it will stay good, positive and right. There's no need to rush in. It's great to build up communication skills and get a bit further from those feelings about your ex. Enjoy being carefree and putting yourself first. Enjoy your OH company for a while longer before having the pressures of living with him.

Alchemilla

Person_one wrote: »

Its very very very early days. At this stage of a relationship, of course you're both head over heels and completely ignoring each other's flaws, that's how it works at first or the species would have died out!

I'd advise against it, personally. You've been through a lot, take a bit of time to recover without there being so much pressure on this new relationship to succeed. When you move in, it ups the ante and makes the consequences of a split so much harder, and its only been a few months!

Listen to your head, its got you this far!

As always kind and wise.

kittendothroar

Wow! Thank you for all of your responses, a lot of which were going around as arguments in my head so is good to have them put forward by others!

It does feel soon when I think about how long it took me and the ex to move in together and even then was a bit fraught at times but we chatted again earlier about it and I made doubly sure he wants to do it too, he asked why I keep checking but I have to try and make sure for my sake and reassure myself! In fact my head tries to tell me we should wait but life for me is different, I work in the healthcare sector, often with very ill, and dying patients and it makes me realise how short life is. Infact my own health has taught me life is so short, and that life really does happen when you are busy making plans!

Its like I want to find negatives and whilst undoubtedly there are some, at the same time I am hopeful that we can always work it out. I've chatted more honestly, and openly to him than pretty much anyone else other that my counselor, which was scary at points but he was cool about all of it, even the bits I didn't like admitting to myself. We both have pretty screwed up warring families and despite that we are so alike with our views on health, politics and all sorts.

This is completely new feeling for me! He is like a really good friend but my lover too Have to pinch myself sometimes. I feel like I want to make our family together and never be apart. Soppy really. I can't believe I had known him for so long without ever getting to know him. Makes me realise just how much time I wasted with the ex!

With regards to discovering bad things....I already know he is a scruff bag that will need guiding as to cleaning regularly, buying vegetables etc, and he isn't in a super career etc but it really doesn't bother me as much as I thought it might, infact it doesn't even enter my thought processes. As my auntie said ' love doesn't always come in the packages you expect'! I have my own imperfections too

@londonsurrey - I am not entirely sure, he only stays max 2 nights a week, and it can be awkard as we share the lounge/ bathroom but TBH we are rarely in at same times as we both work shifts. All I know is normally after he stays, I get the silent treatment for 3 days!


Thank you again! I am heartwarmed by all your lovely stories, super grateful for all advice too!

We have filled in the transfer form that comes with my housing company, and as of tomorrow will be on the waiting list for a 1 bed flat either at this site or our sister hospitals site, eep! :-D

Lilith1980

Great news! I hope you're both very happy

bodmil

The 'isnt in a super career' bit concerns me, hope you have discussed finances with very practical hats on, especially if it is your job providing you with accommodation.

Tenyearstogo

12 years ago one of my friends had a one night stand, he hasn't left yet.

Peanut2013

We've been together for 15 months, lived together for a year and have a 2 month old son. Lol. So yeh moving fast and all

But I couldn't be happier

jetplane

Firstly congratulations on coming through a difficult time :T

I would speak to my housemate and mention that you are concerned that you feel you receive the silent treatment. Is it real or perceived and is there a way you can have your partner stay over that will suit you both. I only say this because many years ago I shared for a short period and we had an agreement that visitors stayed on certain nights so that the other one never felt ambushed. Make sure you are not looking for a reason to move in with your BF.

On the other hand if you can transfer to a 1 bed easy enough and can afford then no one can tell you when is a good time because you could move in tomorrow and last forever or a couple of months, you could wait a year and miss out on all of the fun, who knows.

However there are things you need to discuss and in this paragraph you are already expressing disappointment. It does enter your thought process otherwise you would not write it, why does he need guidance to clean and buy veg?

With regards to discovering bad things....I already know he is a scruff bag that will need guiding as to cleaning regularly, buying vegetables etc, and he isn't in a super career etc but it really doesn't bother me as much as I thought it might, infact it doesn't even enter my thought processes. As my auntie said ' love doesn't always come in the packages you expect'! I have my own imperfections too

Accept him for what he is, the same as he accepts you, respect the differences between you and have fun. Don't be afraid to jump.
Good Luck

kittendothroar

bodmil wrote: »

The 'isnt in a super career' bit concerns me, hope you have discussed finances with very practical hats on, especially if it is your job providing you with accommodation.

With regards to my comment, he earns more than me but I don't think he will do it forever. But on the flipside I don't know if I will do mine forever either! Realise too I was being unfairly judgmental, reminding me once again of my aunts comment that love doesn't always come how we expect it! We have discussed finances, I am super neurotic, he is complete opposite but we seem to be on same wavelength with minor adjustments