Complete Indifference

Robin_TBW

I've begun to notice more recently that I just don't care about a lot of stuff right now. I'm not feeling depressed, I don't feel like I should die and my life is worse than everyone in the entire world or anything. I had a lot of things happen a couple of years ago that destroyed me and I can never work those issues out properly (trust me), but now I'm just not bothered by anything that's going on or not going on.

I still go to work, turn up and do the job. I'm not going 'above and beyond' right now but I'm not slacking. The job is fine, I started in the new position at the back end of last year.

I'm not doing a lot of the things I would usually do at home because I can't be bothered with doing stuff despite telling myself I should. The only things I'm bothered about right now are losing weight and saving money. I am doing reasonably with both of those but not much to show for them right now because the money is for the future and the weight is just making my trousers fall down a bit more often.

My days are more or less completely scheduled. I get home from work for about 18:00 and then either do an hour workout and then cook or wait around for a bit before going to sports practice.

There's nothing going on that I'm looking forward to at the moment. Basically my life just seems to be on autopilot, I'm not depressed but I'm not overly happy either. I just do what I do and carry on. What needs to change?

heartbreak_star

You may think you're not depressed, but "not caring" is a classic sign of depression.

Can you break out of the routine? Join a book club, different exercise class, randomly arrange a pint with colleagues/friends?

Might be worth a chat with the GP too.

Good luck!

HBS x

LEJC

lighter nights sometimes make a difference and when the weather is warmer that also can have an effect on your general feeling....

BlondeHeadOn

I know you say that you are not depressed, but I sure as hell would be with the current way of living that you outline in your post! Where's the fun and enjoyment in any of that?

Could you add one small thing each week that you enjoy doing and could look forward to? Like, join a choir and go once a week for a good sing (this is also usually cheap to do, so shouldn't affect your money saving). Or join a rambling club and go for a long walk once a week? Or arrange an evening with a friend and just have a giggle.

Or something. Anything really. Otherwise it all sounds rather .... well, bleak - and if you aren't depressed now you sure as well will be after a few more weeks of this!

Tish_P

Agree with the others - joylessness is a classic symptom of depression. Maybe write a list of anything that's left that does please you or new things you'd like to try - eg do you enjoy the sport you play, or is it just a means to losing weight? Then take your list and see what you can start doing now without breaking the bank.

Also, are you maybe on too strict a diet or any kind of crash diet? Not to get into an anti-diet debate here, but it's hard to be joyful if you're hungry all the time.

Robin_TBW

The problem I have with asking friends to do things is that all the people I really know are huge letdowns. For example, I texted three people on new year who all live together, knowing they were having a party at their place. None of them even gave me the courtesy of a reply.

Over the last 18months or so, my four (who I considered) closest friends have all sort of disappeared and gone off to do their own thing, nothing spectacular for any of them but in most part they've got themselves into some sort of relationship and cut themselves off a lot more. All of these people I have also lent money to in the past and I believe they have ultimately resented me because of that.

I play three different sports, I enjoy two of them and the people at those two are great but I have an underlying fear of rejection when it comes to asking people if they want to do something. They have their general group of friends, why would they need to add in one more? The other sport, I used to love but the people I enjoyed seeing there eventually moved "back home" (overseas) and new people who came in are complete tools so I go there now purely for the fitness.

In regard to is my diet too strict? Yes it is. But I am never hungry, there are just none of those comfort foods. If I was to have those "treats" then I'd feel guilty over that and push myself over the edge with more exercise to make up for that and give myself even less free time.

podperson

I do know what you mean, I've had some so-called friends who have constantly let me down and can never seem to be bothered to make any effort. But not everyone is like that and sadly if you don't put yourself out there with people you'll never know.

If you get on with some of the people at your sports group then try asking them to do something outside of that. It doesn't have to be anything high pressure, for example bring up in conversation that you really want to see the new xx film, does anyone else fancy it, or you're at a loose end this weekend, would anyone be up for coffee. Even if people may not be able to make it or aren't that up for it then no one is going to think less of you for that. As for them having friends already, I don't know many people who think along the lines of 'I have some friends already so it's pointless me ever making any more'.

daska

Maybe it's time to find new friends with shared interests. Have you considered joining an organisation such as Spice? They run local groups as well as national events and holidays. I have a couple of friends who've had a brilliant time with them.

victory

daska wrote: »

Maybe it's time to find new friends with shared interests. Have you considered joining an organisation such as Spice? They run local groups as well as national events and holidays. I have a couple of friends who've had a brilliant time with them.

Thank you for the link, just emailed them to see if they have any events in my area, seems like a lot of fun:D

Panda78

I know how you feel OP. I've had a horrible time of it this year (yes it know that's only 3 months, but it's been hell!) Relationship ended after 13 years and i've had to move to a new area where i have no friends and a long, tiring commute to work. I've stopped doing the things i love most, because they were also shared interests with my partner.

It's really hard to find enjoyment when you feel low/indifferent/depressed - whatever the label they all amount to the same thing - you are unhappy.

I'm slowly returning to my previous ways by spending time with family. I could easily sit in all day at the weekend, but i'm forcing myself to be sociable and i do feel better for it afterwards.

OP, i know you've been feeling like this for a lot longer than me, so how about turning the focus away from yourself (indirectly)? Volunteering at a care home, charity or children's centre can be a great way of helping people who might be vulnerable and in need. Doing a good deed is a great way of feeling better about yourself.

belfastgirl23

Meetup is another good website for identifying what's going on in your local area, as is eventbrite (a bookings website but it will tell you a lot about what's going on in your area). Most people go to meetups alone and no before you ask it's not weird

In general though, I've found The Happiness Project a good way to help myself to think about what would make me happier in life...worth a look anyway. There's a website if you don't want to invest in the book straight off.