Guilt re returning to work

betti911

My little one is nearly ten months old and I am returning to work part time next week. I am lucky enough to have my parents taking care of my little one but I'm feeling really anxious about it. Every time I think about it I get knots in my stomach and real shortness of breath. Family and friends have been teasing me about going back some making digs about me putting my career over my baby and that they couldn't do that. Truth is that we need the money. I have cut my hours as much as I can and budgeted accordingly but i feel like the worst mum and so guilty.

I have spoken to my health visitor who says that it'll pass. Has anyone else felt like this? Any advice?

mrcow

Next time your family and friends say anything like that tell them that they are being insulting.

If they protest, tell them that if they can't say anything nice, then to keep their opinions to themselves.

Millions of women up and down the country go to work. Some because they need the money, some because they need more in their lives than being a SAHM, and some a combination of the two. Your reasons are your own. And you do what's right for you.

If anyone doesn't like it, well quite frankly, they can lump it.

liltdiddylilt

I went back to work the day before my daughter was 10 months old, in January this year.

I've got a pretty thick skin when all is said and done, so the fact that most of my new mummy friends have recently handed in their notice at their old jobs only bothers me in a wishful thinking kind of way. Kind of the same feeling I get when I see no email from the euromillions each week

I'm the breadwinner, so there was no choice but to go back to work. I do 3 full days per week and I can tell you, it is a complete joy coming home and seeing my little lady's face light up like a christmas tree without fail. It makes up for the hours being away and I get to play with her for an hour in the evening before bed. I also find it quite nice to go away and be appreciated for something other than producing food/playing/changing bums.

What other people think shouldn't be your concern. One day your child will be old enough to look back at the example you have set for him/her. Instead of the people who choose to sit back and let other people pay their way, you have gone back to work to provide a better life and a better future for your child. What better things can you teach them in life than that?

Good luck, and enjoy your time away. Your little one will have a great time with their grandparents.

bitterpill

I work part time , with my parents watching the kids too. I have found that its meant my kids have a really great relationship with my parents, they actually ask when I'm working sometimes as they are missing their gran. DD2 was really attached to me but she is now much more independent. Also I like going out to work for a bit of me time.
Its always worrying when you dont know but to expect but I'm sure it will all work out for the best!:)

koalamummy

In addition to what has been stated previously children in general love meeting new people and having new experiences. After the initial settling period most love being in childcare.

meritaten

betti - I am a grandma who did babycare for my DIL to return to work when grandson was 6 weeks old. I know she felt awful, but their need to pay the mortgage and bills meant she had to go back. Don't feel guilty hun, the baby needs a roof over its head and food and all the basic necessities of life. you are providing them! I loved being with GS and tbh kept my mouth shut about milestones, first smile, first tooth, first laugh and first steps - they were for his parents.
if your parents are happy to look after baby then that is ideal. its better than strangers isn't it? It will be strange at first - but, baby will adapt easily, its harder on you!
in a perfect world you could stay home - but, you obviously need to work so don't feel guilty, you are doing your best and that is good enough!

betti911

Thanks everyone. My little one is already very attached to her grandparents so know they will do a fantastic job.

Rather selfishly I know I am more worried about me missing out. I dread the day that she runs crying to my mum instead of me. I envy all the stay at home mums at playgroup so much. I used to be so focused on my career but no that's gone, I've lost my drive. I even tried to persuade my husband to have another baby so I wouldn't have to go back for long. He very wisely told me no way.

This behaviour really isn't like me. No-one told me how much joy and guilt motherhood brings!

mrcow

betti911 wrote: »

I am more worried about me missing out. I dread the day that she runs crying to my mum instead of me.

Never going to happen! You're her Mum and will always be her number 1. You won't be missing out. And you certainly won't be putting anyone/anything else before her by the sounds of it.

suki1001

I think it's quite nice if a child gets to spend time with other members of the family. Don't feel guilty.

meritaten

betti911 wrote: »

Thanks everyone. My little one is already very attached to her grandparents so know they will do a fantastic job.

Rather selfishly I know I am more worried about me missing out. I dread the day that she runs crying to my mum instead of me. I envy all the stay at home mums at playgroup so much. I used to be so focused on my career but no that's gone, I've lost my drive. I even tried to persuade my husband to have another baby so I wouldn't have to go back for long. He very wisely told me no way.

This behaviour really isn't like me. No-one told me how much joy and guilt motherhood brings!

Wont happen! not the running to grandma! honest hun! they know their mums, and grandma doesn't cut it if mum is there! but we ARE second best!
Believe me - the baby will always prefer mum! you have a bond from the weeks/months that grandma or any caregiver cannot sever. YOU will always be mum and the baby will always prefer your company.:)

ViolaLass

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

What other people think shouldn't be your concern. One day your child will be old enough to look back at the example you have set for him/her. Instead of the people who choose to sit back and let other people pay their way, you have gone back to work to provide a better life and a better future for your child. What better things can you teach them in life than that?

I was with you until this last bit. Is it necessary to justify your choice by badmouthing those of others? Surely there's more than one right answer here.