What do you tell a 3 year old?

inkie

Deepest sympathy to you M. I lost my mum very suddenly when DD1 was 3. I told her the facts - you will find that children are wonderfully accepting, and handle things in many cases a lot easier than us oldies. Will pray for you and your situation - that you will be given the right things to say to your child.X

sticher

So sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with those who say you should be totally honest with children.

It is almost a year now that we lost my Mum and my 3 children - now 13, 10 and 8 - coped extremely well with her sudden death. I cried in front of them and let them see/told them how it made me feel (we were all extremely close to her and I saw her nearly every day), but they recovered much faster than I am. I still speak of her regularly to them. I don't think you need to go into detail for a 3 year old really, just the basics that he is no longer able to visit him, etc.

Best wishes.

montycat_2

Sorry to hear about your loss .

A good website is ,Winstonswish .

They have lots of suggestions on what to say .

https://www.winstonswish.org.uk/

wifeforlife

Very Sincerest Sympathies to you and your family!

Cate

Mandles

I think it does affect kids more than people think. It comes out later.
I tell mine that there loved ones dead are just sleeping but one day we will see them again and they will not be ill or sad so we just have to try to remember happy thoughts of them and laugh about funny things they may have said or done or kind/nice aspects of their personality.
So sorry for you all. My heart goes out to you.
My DD was similar age when a very close relative died. She just kept running around saying "name" is dead and did not seem to care(she was even laughing when she said it).She really bawled and was very upset 6 years later and remember it all in incredible detail what happened that day and memories of him that i didn't know she had.She said she still really misses him which i was surprised about as i did not expect her memories of him to still be so clear.

anonymousie

madison's_mum wrote: »

My dad died yesterday very suddenly. We dont go to church so i dont want to tell her he is in heaven or a star etc. All we have said so far is we wont be able to see him any more. Does any one have any ideas or know of any websites that would help?

Thanx

((())))

Just tell him straight. He is dead and we wont see him any more. Sounds harsh, but the euphemistic padding that people use lead to such problems with kids who don't have the language subtlety. Don't ever say he is 2 at rest" or worse "gone to sleep for ever"- that can be awfully scary to a little kid.

Simple explanations like "his heart was worn out, like a machine/car and the doctors couldn't make it well again" might be needed. Sudden death must intoduce far more fears (are you going to die mummy??) than as I told mine, when Nan died "she was very old and her body just wore out".

The "seed of hope" of seeing people again when you have a faith is helpful, but if you don't have a faith like that then it is no help. You could subscribe to what I firmly believe which is that we live on in the hearts and memories of those who loved us-Grandad will be with him as a "happy thought" of fun times eg on the beach/park etc

Absolutely brilliant book is "Badgers Parting gifts" by Susan someone- this is all about old worn out badger getting too tired to go on living and then after he dies the party and celebrations of "he taught me to skip" "he made me this picture" " we all love his cake recipie" type things.

HTH a bit
anonymousie

Claire_Jones_3

My younger sister died of cot death very suddenly when I was only 2. I can't remember what happened on that day but ever since I have always thought of her as an angel. Didn't know why until more recently but they day she died I asked where she was and my Nan told me Jesus had called for her and she was going to live with him. I was fine after that because I knew she was safe and being looked after. We're not a really religous family but that helped me and it still does knowing she's watching over us.

I can't honestly remember her and for that I feel guilty but one key thing is to explain that you won't be able to see him anymore but that grandad loved you all lots. I find talking to my sister quite comforting (when I'm on my own!!!) Maybe if you have somewhere where your dad liked to go, a local park or seafront and go for a walk and say how grandad loves walking/playing etc here and thats where he is. I love having somewhere which is hers so we can visit and talk etc

But mostly my thoughts are with you and heres a big virual hug from me and bump ((HUG)))

madison's_mum

thanks everyone. She seems to be ok. she has a toy mobile & at bed time she told my husband that grandad was dead but he was phoning to say he loved us & did we want to talk 2 him. Which is better than this morning when she was saying "grandad got dead". She been really cuddly too & is telling everyone she loves them which is making me feel better as well. Once again, thanks, i appreciate your support

XX

flutterby_lil

I am so sorry for your sudden loss, hugs to you and your family. I would tell the truth, there is a good book out, cant remember the name sorry, but if you visit the library or good book shop i would think they could help.

Sorry i can't offer much more solid advice, just wanted to wish you all the best. I think the previous posters explanation about jesus taking him and that he is watching over and still loves you is a good explanation however you say your not religious.

Hope you come to terms with your loss, grieve as much as you like, thats part of the healing process.

((((HUGS))))

Lindsey

Feisty_Fairy

Hi
Big hugs to you and your family, last year my Gran dies and my 2 boys aged 7 and 3 at the time had seen her every day for all of their lives. We told them that she had died and was now the brightest star in sky (i too am not religious and dont go to church), they seemed to understand this and at special times they look up at the sky and send her their love, they did also send her a balloon each on the day of her funeral (they didnt go) they each did a small message and picture and tied it to the string on a balloon, when they let them go and couldnt see it anymore they knew that Gran had it and was happy!

Hope all goes well

Feisty!