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What do you tell a 3 year old?

My dad died yesterday very suddenly. We dont go to church so i dont want to tell her he is in heaven or a star etc. All we have said so far is we wont be able to see him any more. Does any one have any ideas or know of any websites that would help?

Thanx
Madison's mum

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Comments

  • Prudent
    Prudent Posts: 11,649 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I would tell her that your dad is still a part of all the people around him. That you all learnt lots of good things from your dad and that when you do these things - give her some examples- it will show your dad is still an important part of your lives. We can't see him anymore but we can make sure he still has an important place with us by talking about him.
  • Lillibet_2
    Lillibet_2 Posts: 3,364 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    First of all (((hugs))) for you & your family. This must be a terrible time for you.

    Regarding your daughter, at 3 years old I think children tend to be very accepting of the actual facts and don't need things to be dressed up too much, althoguh this si not to say she won't have questions. It will probably be much harder for you to tell her than for her to hear. My Husband is a pagan which takes a very pragmatic view of death & his view is to tell children that when a person dies they go into the ground (either buried or as ashes) and make flowers grow.

    I personally think it is important to tell a child that we don't really know for sure what happens especially as other people might talk about Grandad going to heaven, I'd say if you think she can cope with it tell her Grandad is makign the flowers grow although some people go to live with the stars.

    I hope this helps.
    Post Natal Depression is the worst part of giving birth:p

    In England we have Mothering Sunday & Father Christmas, Mothers day & Santa Clause are American merchandising tricks:mad: Demonstrate pride in your heirtage by getting it right please people!
  • misswig
    misswig Posts: 238 Forumite
    Firstly, i am very sorry for your loss- this must be a terrible time. Secondly, young children will accept whatever you tell them with very little problem.

    I had a similar experiance earlier on theis year when my ex H sadly passed away. Our DS who is nearly 3 has just accepted that he doesn't see Daddy any more and i havn't had to explain anything to him as yet. I know the time will come when he will ask me where his Dad is, probably when he goes too school, however until he asks, my plan is not to explain anything to him as i feel he is too young to understand and i dont want too confuse him.

    When he does ask i will tell him that his Daddy loved him very much but he had to go away because he was poorly. Like you i am not religious etc and i feel that if i tell him he is with the angls or living in the stars it will really confuse if not frighten him.

    I feel that when the time comes, you will know what too say to your DD so as not to upset or to scare her as you know her.

    Sorry if this seems a bit rambling

    Vxx
  • mirrorimage0
    mirrorimage0 Posts: 3,918 Forumite
    there is a good book which most local librarys have for children to read through with sorry i cant remember the name of it but its worth a look i used it with my children and its a very simplistic book and easy to understand.
    now proud mum to 3 handsome boys :j latest one born 10/10/11:j
  • Broken_hearted
    Broken_hearted Posts: 9,553 Forumite
    Hugs to you and your family.
    Barclaycard 3800

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  • Rachie_B
    Rachie_B Posts: 8,785 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    :( ((hugs)) for you all

    I would just use the star thing TBH ,or say he is with the angels in the sky looking downand looking after you all :)

    you dont have to go into detail about heaven etc !
  • Ellie2758
    Ellie2758 Posts: 2,848 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    So sorry for your loss.

    I would say that he lives on in your thoughts and in what you learnt from him, the memories you have of him. In a suitable way for a 3 year old to understand.
    Ellie :cool:

    "man is born free but everywhere he is in chains"
    J-J Rousseau
  • Ruby38
    Ruby38 Posts: 34 Forumite
    My Dad died very suddenly too. Very sorry for your loss. I agree that a child this age will accept whatever you say. I always say to my young children, 6 and 4 that my Dad is in the trees, when the wind blows, all around us, etc. This is a shocking time for you and you need to take one day at a time. You must look after yourself and have your family around you if you can. Take care and don't worry about your daughter, she'll be fine. She'll be more concerned about you. xx
    Ruby 38
  • kent_lady
    kent_lady Posts: 112 Forumite
    I'm so sorry to hear your news.

    Re your DD, as other posters have said, don't dress it up too much, just tell her that everyone has to leave their family sometime but as long as you all talk about him and still have memories of him then he's still around.

    Have you had a pet that died that she could relate the loss to?

    Take care.

    xx
    Back in the Midlands! :j
  • kelloggs36
    kelloggs36 Posts: 7,712 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    My dad died last Summer very suddenly too, so my thoughts are with you. My son (who is almost 4) knows that he is dead, but clearly doesn't understand the concept of what being dead actually means. He knows he doesn't live at nanny's anymore, and that he is in heaven, but he just thinks he is living elsewhere really. For example, my 9 year old daughter has a UK jigsaw puzzle, and we were talking about where various members of the family lived across the country, which my 3 year old understood. Then he asked where his granddad lived, and we tried to explain that heaven was like being in the sky, and pointed to the area above the map - he now says that granddad lives there! Three years old are very resiliant - they don't understand the full concepts and will probably ask at some time in the future where granddad is, even if you tell them now that they are dead, and try to explain what that means. Good luck. Don't fret too much about the children, they will be fine. Look after yourself and your mum.
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