Looking for the silver lining

Sun_Addict

Mr SA phoned me at work to inform me that it's very urgent that I buy him a petrol mower as the electric one, that I bought him less than a year ago to replace the petrol one that was too heavy for him, is too heavy for him. This sounds like going round in circles to me! I was cross with him as I was in the middle of doing something and didn't have time to discuss.

Told him I can mow the lawn but he is adamant. However, I am also adamant I'm not throwing money away like that, it's not budgeted for and not needed. Petrol mowers are expensive.

And breathe.

Despite the above today has been NSD 1/8 and AFD 1/12 - finally!

beanielou

Jeez. I dont know how you do it.
I really dont

mummytogirls

Oh no to Mr SA calling you at work to discuss that! What a nightmare for you! Im glad you're sticking to your guns xx

Bubblesmum

Hooray for the 2lbs and WW

As everyone I really feel for you, re not being able to go out for an evening of letting your hair down without Mr SA hounding you.

I also feel for Mr SA as because of my current situation, I am often lonely and long for the OH to get home. However, I do not have a brain injury so can initiate my own solutions and perhaps have always wanted to solve my problems, i.e. I have joined social groups, I make sure I have a life as well as OH. I remember you said Mr SA was like that before his accident, wanting to socialise with you, except before the accident he had social interaction with work mates.

I do feel as a normal human being yet alone as a carer, you need that ability to go out to WW or a night out with friends without feeling guilty or come home early.

Equally Mr SA needs more social interaction other than yourself, and its that bit I don't know how you would resolve if he will not engage with services either one 2 one carers or groups.

Is there anyone other than yourself who could sit down with him, and talk with him about the impact of him being at home 24 hours a day, on his and your social needs and wellbeing?

You have mentioned you have been on specific brain injury support forums, are there others who have been in similar situations who could give advice?

I feel so at a loss of how best to support you....and admire you tremendously

Sun_Addict

Thanks all. BM he won't help himself, he's been pointed towards support groups and he's not interested. He's never interacted with the neighbours, although they are out at work all day anyway. He's brought all this on himself I'm afraid.

He didn't mention the lawnmower when I got home yesterday but I think the look on my face when I walked in from work put him off. However, today I was in a meeting 10am until 1pm, got back to my desk to 5 missed calls from him. He rang again just as I was looking at phone, said he'd been trying to ring where was I!!! Pointed out I've got this thing called a job which pays for the bills and our holidays etc!! I was so angry. Anyway all he wanted was to ask if we can go in town at the weekend for a coffee. Told him I'm not up to it yet as recovering from broken ankle thanks to him.

Got home he'd tried to mow the lawn and had backache, playing on the mower being too heavy. Reminded him we got it because the petrol one was too heavy.

Right now I am so p@€#¥*d off with him I can't tell you. He's driving me insane!

And today is definitely not an AFD!

beanielou

-taff

I've read your whole thread from beginning to end and one thing occurs to me.

Forgive me for saying this, because I don't know how bad his brain injury was in terms of him being like he was, and being like he is, but everything you mention, the repeat demands, the inability to take responsibility, the inability or unwillingness to socialise, are these all symtpoms of the brain injury?
I'm struggling to express exactly what I mean here. I can see you're frustrated with him, and his actions, and I have a lot of admiration for the way you cope. Sometimes it feels as if you expect him to act normally, when it seems outside of his ability to do so.
Is there anyone around you, or any group, or carer facility where you can park him for a bit, so he gets to socialise, and you get a break?

Sun_Addict

Wow taff you read 4 years of my diary! To be honest he was pretty unsociable before the brain injury but the rest is since the injury. He's been offered various support groups but won't go. In his head he's normal and can't see a problem. I really wish he would go somewhere. Anyway thank you for your comments

Anyway today has been ok thank goodness. No hassle at all

please-let-me-be-lucky

Sorry you are having a tough time at the moment SA. Mr Lucky is very similar re socialising post brain injury, though like Mr SA, he wasn't particularly good at it pre accident. He used to drink too much to give him confidence .

Bubblesmum

I am so sorry that Mr SA behaviour is so difficult for you at the moment. Sometimes it doesn't matter why it happens, its still a struggle to deal with, the stress bucket is full to the top and runs over....

With my professional hat on, I can see its a mixture of his original personality, being male (;) sorry I know its stereotyping but I do believe woman are more likely to self help... ) and his subsequent injury on top. As you know there is plenty of support and social activities out there for him if he decided to access it.

As much as I have empathy for his situation, this diary is about supporting you, with our dear friend PLMBL, I can see the pressure valve relieved with the help of paramedic friend and MIL, in your diaries I don't see any support in the RL from anyone else for you.

My wish is you can feel free to go out with work mates once in a blue moon and not feel guilty or come home early x