What do you do if you are a single mother2b with toddlers also...

TokochickUK

far to much info

tanith

oh my goodness I am sorry you are so stressed about this... I remember worrying about the same thing and I had family and a husband at the time.... all I can suggest is that dh not go racing if the baby hasn't arrived by then , you have to tell him how worried you are about it... I am sure at the end of the day if you literally were alone you will call an ambulance and they would take you and your kids to the hospital... don't you have a freindly neighbour? its difficult though to trust anyone you don't know well... I'd be on standby if you lived closeby and I am sure there are loads of Mums here who would do likewise...:rotfl:

blue_monkey_2

I don't mean to be funny but why does your hubby not cancel his race date as the baby has to come first? If you are due and have no-one to look after the kids there is nothing else you can do is there? I was in the same situation and planned to have my son at home in case the worst happened. While my mum is around she likes a drink so I didn't want to have to fall back on her in case she was drunk and had to look after my daughter when I went into labour (and, ironically, if she had of been my fall back then she would of been in the pub for 5 hours when I went into labour and not capable anyway!!). I called my husband back from work - there was no choice at all. So, your husband will have to not race, surely? Failing that, if your Dh family are OK then why don't you ask your mother in law to come stay with you and have the baby at home, or if that is not possible at least she will be there to look after the kids if you have to go to hospital and call an ambulance if you go into labour. At least your DH can get home in 3 hours to relieve his mum of childcare duties then.

Not much help I guess but this falls on your DH shoulders to be honest. If you are having his baby then he should at least be there to look after the other kids if you have to go in and have it, not swanning around the other end of the country racing - regardless of what it means he is going to miss out on (I don't know about all of this). Surely family life is a priority if there is no-one for you to fall back on?

RadoJo

I really feel for you, but if your OH wants to make this new attempt at a relationship work, then can he not sacrifice the racing? My OH is a musician and we aren't planning kids at the moment, but we have discussed how he would just HAVE to be around in this situation (and others - you know those discussions have a way of getting out of hand!).

Is the race a professional engagement or for enjoyment? It sounds like he might have forgotten just how much work you will have just looking after yourself and the baby (if it has arrived) let alone having his family to entertain. It sounds like you might need to remind him of this, and ask him how he would feel in the same situation? Maybe you are too much like Superwoman and he thinks you can cope with anything!!

elaine373

I really hope everything goes ok for you, but for goodness sake please learn from this. He sounds an extremely selfish man and unless you stop letting him treat you like this he will continue to be selfish. Tell him he has to be there for you and your children at this time or that things are finished. If you dont you could be asking a similiar question to this in future. Dont mean to sound hard and i really wish you all the best.Only you can change things.

Rachie_B

OMG how awful and scary for you

Surely he can *not* go racing seeing as his baby is due at this time !!?!!!

If he cant / wont then ......... well ......

I know its not nice leaving your children with a stranger BUT you have no choice in this scenario,it woukd appear

what i would do is find a babysitter NOW and get the children used to her / him
so that when you DO need childcare and have to go into hospital to have this baby at least you wont have to worry about who is caring for the children

((hugs))

inkie

If there is no way that your hubby is either willing or able to cancel his arrangements, then you need to make plans. Is ther any reason why cannot have a home birth - yes, I know that the children will still need looking after, but if you can arrange for someone to come to you, then that it means that you will all still be together. Something to think about? You tehn don'y have the clock ticking ringing someone to come around in time for you to make the journey to the hosital. Something to think about?

balmaiden

If I was you I would ask advice when you go for your next check-up, there must be other people who have been in a similar position and you never know there may be some help or advice to be had.

I would just say that it looks like you are going to be on your own full stop, or else you would probably be told that your partner must help, and that is no help at all, if he wont.

Rachie_B

:mad: :eek: I cannot believe that man ,he doesnt deserve to be a father IMO !

well looks like you are on your own,but please don't feel you have to go through it alone

If you contact your local childrens services they have a list of emergency childminders, if you go through Social Services and explain your situation they may be able to get one for you and you wont have to pay

This happens in my area but not sure about where you are

Worth finding out,as you need to get this sorted so you arent stressing about childcare at a time when you need to be concentrating on you and that unborn baby of yours !

find some friends in your area,you will be a mum to 3 littlies,and will need some adult company / conversation !

https://www.netmums.com has a meet a mum page,for finding mums in your area

seems like you cant rely on your partner / ex to help or do anything so make plans as if he didnt exist..........

cant wait around for him to decide if he does / doesnt want to be a dad :mad:

((hugs)) & good luck

xxx

Elle00

I was a complete state when I was on my own with my baby and to be honest, it sounds like you too are your own really and truthfully. It's no wonder you're so stressed struggling to cope with two toddlers, a pregnancy and an unsupportive OH so I take my hat off to you for keeping going and getting this far!

If you talk to your GP or HV you should be able to find out if there is a Home Start local to your area as they will be able to offer you support in the form of a volunteer for 2hrs a week and a free playgroup to take your toddlers along to every week. You'll also be able to ring them when you're struggling with things and get a supportive ear. Home Start are a charity who help parents with kids under 5 and they're not there to judge or intefere - just help. All volunteers will have had children, that's the only qualification needed to be one! Plus of course they go on a training course before they start.

And if you don't get any joy there, then I know it's scary but why not ask Social Services if they can offer any support? Sometimes they will offer a night's foster care for pregnant Mothers with no family or friends on hand to help during labour (don't worry - they do give them back again!) and on occassion they will offer a bit of nursery time for short spells when Mothers are finding things tough. Social Services differ greatly from county to county so tread carefully but do accept any help they're willing to offer. Okay so it can be invasive for some and degrading for others but if you can get some free help then which is more important?

Bigs hugs to you hun, sounds like you're having an awful time of things and I hope they improve for you soon. Elle x.

Errata

Oh dear, what a rotten situation. You've spoken in some depth to your HV, could I suggest you ask her to help you make and urgent appointment with your MH doctor so you can discuss your feelings now about how unwell you were with your previous baby and your fears about your feelings for the new baby?
Please, please don't feel guilty about your PND - there was nothing you could do to avoid it or cause it - it's one of those things that sometimes happens, like high blood pressure. There will be loads of support from your MH team if you are open with them, they really are there to help you.
As for your OH, well I guess the truth is that he wasn't too busy to make the baby but it looks like he's a bit 'away with the fairies' about his responsibilities.