My son is being bullied by a girl....

regularsaver1

How has another girl been involved?

had this girl stopped another girl playing with him?

quietheart

regularsaver1 wrote: »

How has another girl been involved?
had this girl stopped another girl playing with him?

2nd girl started seeing my son out of school, first girl got jealous, tried to stop him playing with her, didn't work so made herself 2nd girl's best buddy and got her not to play with him instead. staff said it's a bit like fatal attraction for 6 years.....
he went to a party this evening that the gals hadn't been invited to, i invited a couple of boys back for tea so hope that will help. he got through it but sobbed when he got home, obviously found it hard to be out of his comfort zone.

Mandles

Ah. They obviously like him then. Im sure he will probably switch to playing mostly with boys in the end (as football seems to be essential for boys at school (drives me mad but there we go!).
Girls seem to always have this "no you can't play" thing going on and boys less so . Im sure time will sort it girls seem incredibly fickle at school too so im sure they will just part ways or be best mates again in time.
Wishing you and him all the best though as its tough.

reheat

I can sympathise / empathise with your problems completely. Our son went through much the same thing and has had many of the same confidence / sensitivity problems - bit of an inherited trait in our case! We strove very hard - and succeeded - in getting some professional help with the confidence issues through a local authority clinic. Difficult to get in but a genuinely impassioned but coherently constructive letter helped.

The current situation you and your son find yourselves in is symptomatic of his deeper problems. There will always be mean abusive people - of any age - who will bully others for no better reason than that they can - your lad needs help learning to deal with it. Unfortunately parents are often ill-placed to do this directly, less closely involved health professionals can be much more effective. There's no "mentally ill" stigma to it ~ simply about a young person with emotional problems needing help getting to grips with. If you can get help then I strongly recommend it - the school should be able to help back up your case. And for this sort of thing, the sooner the better, really and truly.

And the bullying you speak of is by no means trivial - it's very cruel.

All the best to you both.

quietheart

reheat wrote: »

I can sympathise / empathise with your problems completely. Our son went through much the same thing and has had many of the same confidence / sensitivity problems - bit of an inherited trait in our case! We strove very hard - and succeeded - in getting some professional help with the confidence issues through a local authority clinic. Difficult to get in but a genuinely impassioned but coherently constructive letter helped.

The current situation you and your son find yourselves in is symptomatic of his deeper problems. There will always be mean abusive people - of any age - who will bully others for no better reason than that they can - your lad needs help learning to deal with it. Unfortunately parents are often ill-placed to do this directly, less closely involved health professionals can be much more effective. There's no "mentally ill" stigma to it ~ simply about a young person with emotional problems needing help getting to grips with. If you can get help then I strongly recommend it - the school should be able to help back up your case. And for this sort of thing, the sooner the better, really and truly.

And the bullying you speak of is by no means trivial - it's very cruel.

All the best to you both.

What kind of help do you mean? He's seen a psychologist, psychotherapists (which was a disaster), speech therapists, occupational therapists, etc. He was in a much worse state then. I'm not sure they helped, they psychologist helped my handling of him though.
I do think you are right though, this is more about my son and how he handles things than anything terrible that is happening to him. I'm not at all sure where to go with it though:o .

KasimBhoy

Hmm bullied by a girl its probably one of those that act like men 'Tom-Boys'

I recommend you get your son to toughen up if he is to survive high school!

tosca5

Her mother needs to give her a good clip around the ear..bullies i can't stand them.:mad:

reheat

rovers wrote: »

What kind of help do you mean? He's seen a psychologist, psychotherapists (which was a disaster), speech therapists, occupational therapists, etc. He was in a much worse state then. I'm not sure they helped, they psychologist helped my handling of him though.
I do think you are right though, this is more about my son and how he handles things than anything terrible that is happening to him. I'm not at all sure where to go with it though:o .

Ah ... sorry, didn't realise you'd already been that route. With such professionals it does depend very much on the characters involved. I noticed an earlier suggestion for Beavers / Cubs. Our son did that and so long as you get a leader with some understanding it can be a big help ... not to mollycoddle but to mentor a bit.

In my experience I can say the least helpful thing anyone can ever do is make excuses - allowances yes, kindness yes, but not things like "they are just jealous, nothing to do with you". In my experience a person knows full well their own insecurities are a root cause of being picked on, and when those you love cannot recognise or admit this it is a huge barrier to communication, which makes a bad problem much much worse ... just reinforces the feeling of not being understood. Your son obviously does not have this problem, which is a huge advantage for him.

The very fact you say the professional help helped your handling of your son ... I think that shows you recognise and accept your responsibilities as a parent. Takes courage for a parent to admit they need help with parenting, and many can never acknowledge it. But for our kids we have to face up to it sometimes, and you obviously do.

quietheart

Reheat, I am interested in what you say. My son saw these professionals mainly when he was 3-5, he then started speaking at school (because i went in every day) and then it all stopped. The huge problem of his silence is resolved but the deeper issues are still there. Maybe I should talk to our new GP and see what they say. I'm a bit scared of being on the treadmill again without being sure they could help.
Who or what helped your child the most?

reheat

rovers wrote: »

Reheat, I am interested in what you say. My son saw these professionals mainly when he was 3-5, he then started speaking at school (because i went in every day) and then it all stopped. The huge problem of his silence is resolved but the deeper issues are still there. Maybe I should talk to our new GP and see what they say. I'm a bit scared of being on the treadmill again without being sure they could help.
Who or what helped your child the most?

Your boy obviously still needs a lot of support, and in many ways I suspect so do you. You could try your new GP, and from your visit try to see if they seem tuned in enough to help you both, who to point you towards. At the end of the day it's your's and your son's choice whether you go for it or not.

What helped most - that's really tricky to answer. And I think it's only right to introduce a cautionary note/disclaimer here: I have no way of really knowing if your son's problem is the same as what I speak of, though the symptoms you describe are very familiar. So you need to listen to your own instincts whether these things sound right for you and your boy.

I think knowing someone understands you enough to know you need help is a good start - without this there is nothing. And though loving support of family is vital, I think a young person can sometimes be more able to open up to someone outside family ~ the clinic helped us here. But I also think as I said before to help your son take responsibility for the challenges he must learn to deal with, whilst at the same time not taking on worries that are not his to be burdened with. Fathoming which is which is the tricky bit, and comes along with learning what you believe in, right and wrong, self identity, growing up. Stuff that you have a vital role in. But it's not about ramming such things into him, just guidance along the way.

The reason I go on about well meaning but ill-advised excuses is it's wrong I believe to bring someone up believing their problems are everyone else's fault. Your son's problems are in no way his fault and must never be made to think they are, but tackling his problems his both his and your responsibility, more and more his as he gets older. There are many insecure adults around who blame everyone else for their problems and use that as an excuse for doing nothing about it themselves, hurting not just themselves but those they blame. Hope this doesn't sound harsh, it's not meant to be.

Gotta go now it's late.