My son is being bullied by a girl....

quietheart

My son is in year one and is incredibly sensitive. It took a full year for him to settle into school. He has confidence issues and is very anxious (he is even statemented due to the severity of it). He became friends with a girl and they were incredibly close. I always made sure he had lots of people back to play to increase his confidence but one by one this girl has stopped other children from playing with him, by pulling him away, telling them not to play etc. So the friendship became exclusive. Now this girl has decided not to ignore my son and is stopping other children from playing with him. She's ripped his coat, pushes him away but my main concern is the effect it's had on him. He's waking most nights in a terrible panic, he's become very introverted and won't speak. He now doesn't want to go to school.
I have spoken to the school who have been trying to deal with it for the last week. The girls mother is phoning me tonight. I know it seems like small fry but the impact it's having is huge. I feel very emotional and protective and I guess the other mother will be too, any tips on how to deal with this?

grade15

its not vicky pollard..by any chance? sorry about that..couldn't resist!

looby75

hopefully with both the school and the girls parents on-board you will be able to sort this out for your poor ds.

Are there any out of school clubs near where you are, if he can strike up some friendships with kids out of school when this little girl isn't there to break them up maybe they will carry on inside of school too and the girl will then leave your ds alone.

It does sound as though the school need to nip this bullying in the bud right now.

Spendless

Hi, My son (yr 2) has been bullied this year, including having his coat ripped too (it was replaced by the school, don't know if 'bullys' parents had to pay for it or not). I spoke to teacher, head, removed him at lunchtimes when the instances were happening. Now I can't praise the school enough for building my sons self-esteem, the head introduced him to other children who 'didn't have any friends' either and watched them whilst they played plus they made him in charge of some games for younger children at school. As to bully though, he didn't stop hurting my son till the day my son told him next time he would be giving him a taste of his own medicine and then he stopped.:rolleyes:

TokochickUK

hiya hun, First off I just wanted to send a big cyber hg to your son ((hugs))

It sounds lik the school is trying but having her mother call you tonight can only help if she is understanding of what your sson is going through. Do you talk with her normally? And do you have maybe a list of pointers for conversation over the phone for later? I often find when i`m under stress I get so distracted so having a little list of pointers can keep you on track without being set in stone. The other mother may become defensive but if you can keep calm it will really hold everything together. We don`t know what issues this little girl may have going on at home so be open to what she has to say as well. I really hope it goes as well as can be and I hold hope to hear how it went x

quietheart

Thank-you. Unfortunately for my son he's a bit addicted to this girl. I guess it's common in bullying, the bullied child just want to be liked and he just keeps going back for more. Having so little confidence makes it worse. The girl involved is pretty insecure and is just trying to have some control I guess.
The school are supportive and very protective as my son has come so far since he started but we're all worried about him slipping back again.
Other friendships seem very established in his class so i don't know how he can make new friends when he is lacking the ability to put himself forward... I'd love him to play with the boys but they are all football mad and he can't cope with the rough and tumble or competition.

quietheart

TokochickUK wrote: »

hiya hun, First off I just wanted to send a big cyber hg to your son ((hugs))

It sounds lik the school is trying but having her mother call you tonight can only help if she is understanding of what your sson is going through. Do you talk with her normally? And do you have maybe a list of pointers for conversation over the phone for later? I often find when i`m under stress I get so distracted so having a little list of pointers can keep you on track without being set in stone. The other mother may become defensive but if you can keep calm it will really hold everything together. We don`t know what issues this little girl may have going on at home so be open to what she has to say as well. I really hope it goes as well as can be and I hold hope to hear how it went x

It's the defensiveness that worries me and that i'll just weaken. I phoned this morning to stop their weekly play-dates, i don't think that went down very well.... I do want to do a list, it all seems a bit feeble when i start to write it down though. I think they'll take the storminateacup approach, i know it's more than that for my son though.

ktb

awww rovers! My heart goes out to your little boy...

I have mentioned this a few other times on mse but is there any way he might benefit from some confidence building activitives like Judo? He is obviously quite young but there are specialist kids Judo clubs that are far more about confidence than the self defence aspects. You can check a few out and see which has the best ethos if it is something you think he might benefit from. It doesnt involve 'rough and tumble' team activity and it would also be a chance for him to make some friends outside of the classroom...

It was just a thought anyway... I really wish him all the best. Good luck having your chat with the girl's mum - she's probably feeling just as frustrated as you and hopefully you can come up with a solution between you.

quietheart

ktb wrote: »

awww rovers! My heart goes out to your little boy...

I have mentioned this a few other times on mse but is there any way he might benefit from some confidence building activitives like Judo? He is obviously quite young but there are specialist kids Judo clubs that are far more about confidence than the self defence aspects. You can check a few out and see which has the best ethos if it is something you think he might benefit from. It doesnt involve 'rough and tumble' team activity and it would also be a chance for him to make some friends outside of the classroom...

It was just a thought anyway... I really wish him all the best. Good luck having your chat with the girl's mum - she's probably feeling just as frustrated as you and hopefully you can come up with a solution between you.

Thanks for that. It's something I've considered before and need to look into. I think there's a group locally that do a group where the parent can learn as well, that would be good to start him off. Will find out more. That sort of activity gives an inner strength doesn't it?

looby75

I highly recommend judo too. My dd was bullied in infant school but started judo classes in junior school (we were lucky they were run in school) her confidence came on SO much and the bullying stopped pretty quickly, and not once did she have to "fight".

quietheart

So I've had the conversation..... 20 minutes of explaining but I don't think it got me anywhere. She said she'll tell her daughter of the impact it's having on my son but doesn't seem to think it's an issue. The school seem to have played it down to her which concerns me as they've given me a very different view. Not sure where to go with this.
DS has been off sick today, think he might've made himself sick because he was fine after i'd phoned him in sick..... What now?!