Contact order to see my son

Kimberley

changkra wrote: »

Some women can be so nasty with their childrens fathers when they split, i'll never understand why especially if the dad is a good man.

Unfortuneatly some women are like that even though they must know they are hurting the child more then the dad by being nasty like this. He's not just her child and she's just selfish.

clairepix2003

Hya

Ive been going through a court case with my dh for his dd since march 2003 and at different stages been residence orders, contact orders, enforcement orders and we am still attending the court cases now (we have been attending court nearly every month now), the first thing we did was get a solicitor who then was able to give us alot of advice and to start ball moving.

This aint great advice or anything but try and keep things smooth with your childs mum as even tho the courts am meant to be independent the mum does normally get what she wants (we never kept things smooth with dh ex and we have litterally ended up with no contact as she alleged alot of things about us and when they all got proved as rubbish she then did a moonlight flip and now we am back in court fighting for access)... Hope everything goes well for you.. Goodluck

taggiesgirl

''the mum does normally get what she wants ''
complete rubbish!!, All i seem to read about is 'the hard done by dad's'
nothing about the mums that were left on their own with the children,no money,no home etc...
Why do dad's always feel the need to try to be the 'big I am'(not everyman) and go to court when they are the ones that have left the child (not in all cases).
I just feel that maybe a mediation session would be just as effective in some cases had my ex have approached me properly and gone down this route then he would have got alot more access than what he is getting now through the courts decision.

loftus

taggiesgirl wrote: »

''the mum does normally get what she wants ''
complete rubbish!!, All i seem to read about is 'the hard done by dad's'
nothing about the mums that were left on their own with the children,no money,no home etc...
Why do dad's always feel the need to try to be the 'big I am'(not everyman) and go to court when they are the ones that have left the child (not in all cases).
I just feel that maybe a mediation session would be just as effective in some cases had my ex have approached me properly and gone down this route then he would have got alot more access than what he is getting now through the courts decision.

There is no excuse for a father not fulfilling his responsibilities, but when couples split it is the parents who are separating from each other - not from the children.
There should be no need for parents to go to court. What tends to be forgotten in the bitterness is that it is not the parents right to see the child but the childs right to a relationship with the parent.

thesaint

taggiesgirl wrote: »

''the mum does normally get what she wants ''
complete rubbish!!,
Sadly, when a case goes to court women almost always get what they want, if you have proof to the contrary, I would be glad for you to enlighten me.
All i seem to read about is 'the hard done by dad's'
nothing about the mums that were left on their own with the children,no money,no home etc...
Again, I hear far more about women who have been left by their partners. than by 'Hard done by dads'. Neither situation is ideal.
Most women choose to keep the children with them, there are benefits available if they have no money, and it is a rareity that a woman with children is left with no home.
Why do dad's always feel the need to try to be the 'big I am'(not everyman) and go to court when they are the ones that have left the child (not in all cases).
Dads could do without going to court, but are often forced to to get some consistency as they are often messed around with postponed and cancelled contact times.
I just feel that maybe a mediation session would be just as effective in some cases had my ex have approached me properly and gone down this route then he would have got alot more access than what he is getting now through the courts decision. I believe mediation should be mandatory, but you can't force someone to go.
In your case you could always give your child the extra time with his/her father that you believe you would've agreed to, it would show you as the better person?

Do you have any advice for the father who started this thread?

liney

Well do keep us updated. My brother is considering going to court atm.

My neice was moved 200 miles away, and my bother informed after the move, to move in with a man mommy met on the internet. He has no idea where his daughter lives (address refused) and gets to see her for about 4 hours every 2 months when she visits her grandparents up here. If mommy is in the mood she texts him a photo of her with her new daddy, but never answers the phone to him. He pays maintinence (more than she would get via the CSA) by SO monthly, and she says if he goes to court she will stop his contact completely and not comply with the court order. The court will just take her back to court again but never lock her up because she is the mother.

Women do exactly as they please and get away with it left right and centre. He is one of 3 men i know in similar situations regarding contact, so the law needs to crack down on these women. ( This is comming from a woman btw)

clairepix2003

Isnt it mandatory to go to mediation?? When we went in 2003 the solicitors told us nothing could go ahead (e.g court orders) until we had all been to mediation...

Liney - Has your brother got parental responsibility?? Your brother should get more access if he went to court and yes mommy could not comply with the order but then you just keep going back to court and fighting (thats what we am doing at the moment)... Does your brother know that he will have to travel to where the child is for court and will have to collect and drop off his daughter in the area she lives now???

Hope everything goes okay

papillon_65

The law is almost always skewed in favour of women unfortunately. I have been in a similar situation myself. My two eldest daughters would have had a far better life if I had been allowed to bring them up instead of my ex-wife. Having said that I would recommend avoiding the courts at all costs if possible. Try to stay on reasonable terms with your ex and explain that you have been making payments and prove it if necessary. If that fails then suggest mediation. Court should only be a last resort as you will definitely spend thousands and may even make things worse for yourself and reduce your access.
I have had to turn the other cheek many times but I have managed to establish a very good relationship with my children despite severe provocation and endless crap. It is a tough road but your child will recognise the efforts you have made when they get older. I am firm believer in the adage "what comes around goes around" and this has held me together in many tough times. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Until the law is changed many children will continue to be used as pawns by selfish parents but I firmly believe they will get whats due one day.

thesaint

clairepix2003 wrote: »

Isnt it mandatory to go to mediation?? When we went in 2003 the solicitors told us nothing could go ahead (e.g court orders) until we had all been to mediation...

Liney - Has your brother got parental responsibility?? Your brother should get more access if he went to court and yes mommy could not comply with the order but then you just keep going back to court and fighting (thats what we am doing at the moment)... Does your brother know that he will have to travel to where the child is for court and will have to collect and drop off his daughter in the area she lives now???

Hope everything goes okay

It isn't mandatory to go to mediation, only mandatory to have an appointment if you are applying for legal aid.

In my case, my son's mother stated in a solicitors letter to me that she would not attend the appointment. I still had to wait four weeks for the appointment and sit down in a room for her non attendance.

Only then could I go on with the next stage! A complete waste of time and money.

Vomityspice

Going to Court isn't that scary! (I know as i've done it!)

To ensure less arguments in the longer term, then make the Contact Order application. As you child lives some way away, then you should really do this at the court nearest to where the child lives. If you do it locally, it will just be transferred when your ex's solicitors gets it, just wasting more time whilst a new date is set.

Fill in the C1 form as previously mentioned and then send it off to the court with the cheque. A date will be set for the hearing. Before being seen by the district judge you will be seen by a CAFCAS officer. Simply this is a court appointed family welfare worker (usually a social worker) who will act in the interest of the child. They will interview you, your ex and the child to ascertain their views. Ideally, they will try to negotiate a deal BEFORE going in to see the judge, to speed up the process. However, if people are particularly difficult (or belligerent) then your are at liberty to make your requests during the hearing. Ultimately, the court will make a decision which your all stuck with.

Enforcement however is another problem..... worry about that if/when it happens........