Contact order to see my son

witsend901

Has anyone got experience of applying to the court for a Contact Order?

I've been seeing my 7 year old son on alternate Sundays for the last three years. My ex has usually agreed for me to have him unless she has something better arranged. This usually means that I never see him on his birthday or at Christmas but I've put up with that for a quiet life.

Recently the maintenance payments I make, via the CSA, haven't been getting through to her and she is becoming very vitriolic in text messages to me. I'm up to date with payments although she hasn't had them all.

I've now received a letter from her solicitor saying basically that I'm too rigid in wanting to see him for the same time every other week. (I'm always prompt in collecting and returning my son). The letter said that unless I was willing to see him when she chooses, then I won't see him as much as I want.

She has been hostile to me since our divorce three years ago, even though she left to live with her boss, and I think she will change dates and times just to make my life hell.

I've been advised by friends to apply to the court for a formal contact order but I'm concerned about the cost and whether it would make things even worse. Is it expensive and would I need a solicitor?

Any advice from someone who has been through a similar situation would be welcome.

pinkshoes

You should go to the CAB for advice.

In the mean time, you should write to your son on a regular basis, sending cards, photos etc... to make sure he knows you care about him.

Contact your wife and assure her that every single child maintenance payment has been on time, then contact teh CSA and tell them that their payments are not reaching your ex on time, and that she's threatening to limit your access.

Can the child not come and live with you? How does he feel about moving in with your ex's boss?!?! can't be nice for a 7 year old!

I think it's unfair for someone to demand child support when they won't let you see them as often as you like, even when you're more than willing to cooperate!

Good luck!

daisy_doughnut

hi there

had no personal experience my self but have friends who have
1st have you tried enquireing about leagal aid?
if you cant get it then there is a cheaper way to do it your self one of my friends did this an didnt need a solicitor its pretty complicted but im sure someone around here will ahve done it

dont give up tho an chances are u may end up with your son for more than 1 sunday every other week

my friend got this on his first time within a yr he had them over night so got a whole weekend you have not stopped seeing your son so i cant see a prob on a weekend vistit i suppose tho it all depends on your circumstances

the CAB can advise well also so check them out

good luck

changkra

pinkshoes wrote: »

You should go to the CAB for advice.

In the mean time, you should write to your son on a regular basis, sending cards, photos etc... to make sure he knows you care about him.
Contact your wife and assure her that every single child maintenance payment has been on time, then contact teh CSA and tell them that their payments are not reaching your ex on time, and that she's threatening to limit your access.

Can the child not come and live with you? How does he feel about moving in with your ex's boss?!?! can't be nice for a 7 year old!

I think it's unfair for someone to demand child support when they won't let you see them as often as you like, even when you're more than willing to cooperate!

Good luck!

Ecellent idea but make sure you send all leters recorded delivery, that way if she bins them you have proof you sent them. Some women can be so nasty with their childrens fathers when they split, i'll never understand why especially if the dad is a good man.

mookiandco

Here is the calculator for legal aid to check if you are eligible:

http://www.legalservices.gov.uk/civil/whatis_calculator.asp

Otherwise feel free to pm me your income and capital details and i'll do a quick calculation for you.

If you are not eligible, then a solicitor on such a matter will usually cost about £5000. A barrister will normally be instructed and there will be atleast 2 court hearings. Your solicitor will usually try to negotiate first and court is a last resort.

If you want to make a contact application yourself, you will need a C1 form from the court. it can be found on their website here:

http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/HMCSCourtFinder/GetForm.do?court_forms_id=50

There is a fee of £175.00 when you file it at court.

You should not communicate with your ex now. Any communication should be through her solicitors.

CSA payments are not relevant in contact proceedings. Whether youve paid or not, is not a bar to seeing your son. They are seperate issues.

The usual arrangement for contact is every other weekend and half holidays. xmas and birthdays should be alternated between you and the ex. Bear this in mind when trying to negotiate.

Your son has a right to know you and have contact with you. You should do everything you can to preserve his right.

good luck.

Hapless_2

When the court makes a contact order then it is usually for a specific day and between specific times. e.g, child/ren must be available for contact between 11am and 6pm every sunday with x number of weeks stayovers during the holidays, stayovers to be arranged before school hoolidays begin.... blah blah
Bear in mind that contact does not need to mean visiting, if for example either you or the child is ill or inable to meet up for whatever reason then contact can be a phone call, letter or e-mail.

thesaint

Her solicitor is just writing anything to put you off.

The court will almost certainly insist a set time and day to see your child, to suggest anything else is ridiculous.
If I had my time again, I would not instruct a solicitor.

I would advise you to communicate with your directly by letter (keep a copy) unless she has specifically requested you not to.

Do not ask for what everyone else gets, or what is the 'norm'. Ask for what suits you and your sons relationship.

Good luck.

hobo28

Agree with thesaint. Especially the part about set times. Thats one of the first things my solicitor told me when I wanted a "flexible" agreement. Generally the order will define a time and say in it "and at other times as agreed by both parties" or words to that effect. So in short, you get the minimum set out but if you both agree then you can change ad-hoc.

However, do you think that the underlying issue is over maintenance? If you could somehow prove to her that you have paid and offer to help with the CSA would that solve the issue?

Presumably access to son has been ok otherwise. Not ideal I know but up til now no cause to start a court battle?

witsend901

Thanks very much to everyone for all the detailed advice. There's plenty to think about there.

I don't really have the stomach for a court battle, I've been really agitated since I got these texts. I'm supposed to have him this Sunday (if she doesn't cancel) but I'm just dreading the thought of going to the house to collect him.

hobo28

Good luck, keep smiling and hope it all works out.

Hapless_2

I would suggest using a solicitor, mainly because unofficial agreements are just that, unofficial and she can stop them or chop and change at anytime. Court really is the only way to proceed if you want things set. That way to stop contact she would have to go back to court.
Keep all text messages and letters and any other proof of communication you have so it can be used if needed.
Court sounds harsh, but if she starts playing dirty, it's the only way.