Ex-Father in law passed away

danielley

Just had some very sad news.

My ex-father in law has died, my mum has just informed me as there is a notice in the local paper.

I am really upset as although I am no longer married to his son, at one time I was very close to his family.

However the marriage ended in 2004 very badly (my fault) and I have not spoken to his family since as I have not seen them, however I have seen my & ex and we are civil if we run into each other.

My Mum is going to send a card, but I am not sure what to do. As I say, things ended badly and although I want to pay my respects, I do not want to upset anyone by them receiving my card.

Any advice would be appreciated.

pigpen

if you want to send a card, send one. I'm sure they have more things to be upset about then whether they get a card from you or not.. maybe put your mums name and yours in one card?

WestonDave

Something short and simple on a card such as "I was sorry to hear your father passed away - I always liked him and I know he will be a massive loss to the family" is unlikely to cause offence in the longer term. I would imagine after 9 years if you can be civil in person a card isn't going to be that big a deal.

sassyblue

I think it would be much appreciated, when you're grieving it's nice when people reach out to you.

The only time it would offend is if they thought you were taking the mick, which doesn't appear to be the case. I would send it, weston daves message is lovely.

Grumpygit

WestonDave wrote: »

Something short and simple on a card such as "I was sorry to hear your father passed away - I always liked him and I know he will be a massive loss to the family" is unlikely to cause offence in the longer term. I would imagine after 9 years if you can be civil in person a card isn't going to be that big a deal.

I agree with the wording here.

I was in a similar circumstance and was dreading the passing of my ex inlaw's family as I liked them and would have "loved" to have gone to any funerals to pay my respects.

It has worked out for me though through the passing of one of my relatives - they came to her funeral and the ex father in law came up to me and gave me a huge hug and it was like the past years of him ignoring me or turning away when he saw me just disappeared.

Unfortunately one of their family did pass away and I then felt able to attend the funeral without causing upset.

I would send the card as it could mean so much and if they take it the wrong way then that is their problem (even at this upsetting time)

floss2

A view from the other side - when my mum passed in 2005, my ex-in-laws both came to the funeral, but my ex didn't, despite our sons wishing him to. He didn't even send a card, which was to me & our sons quite rude & hurtful. He may not have been part of our family at that time, but he was part of it for 20 years until we split up in 1999, and my mum thought of him as another son.

I think the suggestions here are execllent, and Weston Dave's words are very kind & suitable.

tanith

I absolutely agree with the other posters I'm sure it will be appreciated by the family.. do send a nice card.

heartbreak_star

I agree send a card!

About 2 months after I broke up with my ex (11-year relationship) he lost his uncle. I popped a card through the door from me & my mum and he appreciated it.

HBS x

Hezzawithkids

Have been in a similar situation. When my father died my brother's ex-wife sent a card with a short note saying how much she had admired my dad and how she knew that he would be missed. We all appreciated it, especially my brother. If he really meant that much to you then send it, no-one will be offended.

Sommer43

What a lovely idea. Yes, send a card. Someone you were close to has died and just like anybody else, you are showing your respect. Go ahead.

caeler

This happened to me. I felt very upset and hurt at the time as I was part of their family for a long time. My ex asked me to keep my distance (during the proceeding illness and subsequent funeral) which at the time I respected but bitterly regret now. I did however send a note ex-MIL to give my condolences and offer of support, I hope it helped her in some small way but unfortunately I never found out.