How would you feel about this?

victory

Butterfly01 wrote: »

No they never lived together.
They split 4 years ago.
No, she had 2 children of her own but they never had any children together, our daughter is his only child.
The relationship ended after about a year as she asked him to leave his job- she couldn't cope with the fact that the job comes first, and he refused.

Another thing that made me question the situation is that for the past 12-18 months they were friends on facebook then not friends and she would request him again and they would be friends again, then not friends.

The last bit makes sense, he accepted her and was just happy to chat, she escalated it and he stopped...

victory

Butterfly01 wrote: »

We have sat and spoken about it, he offered to give me his passwords for his email and fb- which I refused, I want to trust him not check up on him, he has also changed his phone number so she can't contact him that way. He has said he will do anything to get the relationship back to the way it was and even offered to hand his notice in. I think normally I would have got over this quickly, however we are due to get married in just over a month and I keep worrying that I am doing the wrong thing. Maybe it's just nerves I don't know, but this feels like it's a major issue at the moment.

Please think long and hard about him handing his notice in, if he is green through and through he will resent you for making him leave what is his life not just a job.

Butterfly01_2

Thank you for all your replies. I know it seems like a massive reaction for something so small, but a lot of it stems from my previous relationship, being cheated on after having each of my first 3 children, I suppose I am subconsciously expecting OH to do it as well. However OH is nothing like my ex, he is a wonderful man who has sacrificed a lot to be with me and the kids.

I think I need to give my head a wobble and not read too much into everything!!!

Butterfly01_2

victory wrote: »

Please think long and hard about him handing his notice in, if he is green through and through he will resent you for making him leave what is his life not just a job.

I talked him into staying in, I met him while he was serving and fully support that. I would never expect him to leave for us.

heartbreak_star

You both sound like lovely people - remember he's not your ex, he's a million times nicer and he obviously loves you to bits.

I've been in a similar situation (without the pregnancy!) - when me and OH first got together his stunningly beautiful but slightly mad ex emailed him (I'm normal looking but sane, lol) saying that he was the only man she's ever loved and she still loves him...and he said he was happy with his life as it is now and was with someone he could see himself spending a long time with.

I only found out about this later, because I noted she'd deleted herself from FB....after he told me I brooded on it for ages, we had a talk and he just said "Oh, I never realised it would bother you - I never want her back" and that was that.

He's trying to put your mind at rest. Let him

Lots of hugs!

HBS x

Padstow

If he had anything to hide, he wouldn't have handed his laptop to you without at least signing out.
When I asked my cheating ex if I could use his laptop for a minute, he spent five minutes wiping it clean. I told him to forget it, the cheating B.

flutterby_lil

I understand your insecurities and am exactly the same as you. I was in an abusive 10 year relationship, he got somebody pregnant behind my back, etc....then met a lovely man, got engaged, pregnant with planned baby then he left when I was 3 months pregnant!! Never saw my son at all.

When son was 8 months I met my OH, he has just adopted my son, we have a 10 month old together, he is putting me on the deeds to the house he owned for years before he met me, yet I still feel insecure and wonder when he too will do one. I am currently one waiting list for counselling as indeed help.

My father was mentally and physically abusive, so I don't have a good male role model, apart from my fabulous other half, who I ave been with for 4 years.

Good luck.
X

victory

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I understand your insecurities and am exactly the same as you. I was in an abusive 10 year relationship, he got somebody pregnant behind my back, etc....then met a lovely man, got engaged, pregnant with planned baby then he left when I was 3 months pregnant!! Never saw my son at all.

When son was 8 months I met my OH, he has just adopted my son, we have a 10 month old together, he is putting me on the deeds to the house he owned for years before he met me, yet I still feel insecure and wonder when he too will do one. I am currently one waiting list for counselling as indeed help.

My father was mentally and physically abusive, so I don't have a good male role model, apart from my fabulous other half, who I ave been with for 4 years.

Good luck.
X

CBT will help you to deal with your past but also appreciate and value what you have now, to trust in it and enjoy it:D

DS4215

When you sign up to Skype it can automatically add your facebook/msn contacts, so it is quite possible that she is on his Skype contact list but they have never communicated using it...

flutterby_lil

victory wrote: »

CBT will help you to deal with your past but also appreciate and value what you have now, to trust in it and enjoy it:D

Yeah that is what I am hoping for when I get to my counselling sessions, still on waiting list.

Thanks