No gifts - would you be miffed?

skintchick

I'd be miffed.

My brother-in-law was apparently too busy redecorating his bedroom to buy Christmas gifts this year and we have still received nothing.

Last year we got a £5 bottle of cheap red plonk. We don't drink red and it was too awful to give it away to someone, so I cooked with it.

Next year he is getting precisely nothing. Just a card.

shiny76

dibuzz wrote: »

I understand how you feel. I recently had my 50th birthday and got 3 cards.
None of my 4 kids bothered but what hurt most was that I'd become a Grandma for the first time a few weeks before and didn't even get a card from the baby.

Give the poor kid a break! I'm not sure it's motor skills are quite up to the task

dibuzz

meritaten wrote: »

Ouch! I assume you had sent cards and gifts etc to your kids and new grandbaby?

Yes, of course I did, I never forget any of their birthdays.

cakeadoodle wrote: »

That's awful, especially when it's a landmark birthday! My feelings would be hurt too. Did they forget or did they just not make much of an effort?

They just didn't bother.

shiny76 wrote: »

Give the poor kid a break! I'm not sure it's motor skills are quite up to the task

True, but since finding out she was pregnant his mum has sent everyone a birthday card from him and her mum's birthday a few days before mine wasn't forgotten.

I know it's not the end of the world but it hurt at the time and still does when I think about it. Of course, when they want something they soon remember me.

suki1001

I'm in 2 minds about this. If they expect gifts, but never give anything back, then that's unfair.

However, I'm not a big fan of gift receiving or giving (although that's easier) and I hate cards unless someone actually means the sentiment - there are too many sent just because they should - like christmas cards. People moan about writing them. I get anniversary cards every year from people I've met once and my in-laws buy those cards that are really expensive because they're "to a dear ...." I just find the whole thing a bit false.



I would be happy not to receive anything for my birthday, I'd rather people didn't waste their money.

CL

I tend to buy gifts for everyone and sometimes get none in return, but always tell the person not to worry, but I can also see the flip side.

Some people would rather not receive anything, so there is no obligation to return the favour. They think the giver will take the hint and stop buying. In that case everyone would be happier if you just stopped buying gift, apart from your Mum who seems to want to have her cake and eat it (unless she is elderly and in that case I would never expect them to have to go out gift shopping).

VfM4meplse

CL wrote: »

Some people would rather not receive anything, so there is no obligation to return the favour. They think the giver will take the hint and stop buying. In that case everyone would be happier if you just stopped buying gift

This argument is the basis of MSE Martin's zero sum game (article uses Christmas as an example but the issue is gift-giving).

dontone

I'd keep your money in your pocket and use it to treat yourself OP. My mother had the same problem, not with us, but with my cousins who are grown up and have L/O's. My mum and aunt & uncle have always exchanged gifts.
Every Christmas she'd buy slippers for the grown ups and a small gift for the l/o's like crayons & colouring books or perhaps some socks and gloves.
I think in all the Christmases she bought for them, I think she got in return from my cousins, a bottle of Radox bubble bath and a small ornament that my cousin had displayed in her house and she didn't even wipe the dust off it :mad:
It got to a point where my cousins were telling their l/o's in front of my mum, that a certain present would be sent from my mum and some of the gifts were around £10+ each, so for 6 l/o's it became outrageous.
My mum ended up struggling one year to buy for everybody due to daft demands, and I ended up having a talk with her telling her that it was ridiculous that she should be told what to buy and it needed to stop. What did it for me, was my oldest cousin telling us that "she never gave, only took" Needless to say, my mum saw sense and stopped it. My cousins have barely bothered with her since. Some people take others generosity for granted, and although my mum wasn't too fussed about receiving anything back, the fact that they have cut her off because she won't be dictated to anymore has angered her. Personally I think it's been worth it

System

Own_My_Own wrote: »

I would be miffed.

Keep your money this year, and if anyone says anything, simply reply 'you thought after last year, the family were not doing present.'

What can they do ? Withhold their non existent gifts in protest.

^^ This ^^
Why waste money on people who don't appreciate it? Spend it on someone/something you care about

alias*alibi

Yes I would be miffed. Last March was my 40th birthday. I'd had a rough time leading up to it and stupidly assumed as it was a special birthday I'd be made a fuss of. How wrong was I; in fact I'd say I was made even less fuss of than previous years (if that's at all possible). What particularly got me was a card off my mum; looked a bit bashed up and that was it. No present; nothing and this came after a few months of her ignoring emails and phone calls. I since found out she was doing so in order not to slip up to let something out of the bag she knew I'd be unhappy about. TBH it was the straw the broke the camels back after a few things she has said/done that I didn't approve of and I've now cut my loses and don't speak to her. My 40th let down was just another prime example to me how low I was thought of and decided I didn't need people like her making me feel like shi.te.

System

dontone wrote: »

I think she got in return from my cousins, a bottle of Radox bubble bath and a small ornament that my cousin had displayed in her house and she didn't even wipe the dust off it :mad:

My aunt and uncle used to re-cycle presents. They were found out when one year they gave a nice 'new' box of handkerchiefs to someone, but unbeknown to them the previous giver had slipped a note inside the hanky box saying "happy birthday aunty --- love from.." Oops!