Unhappy Relationships

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

There's also sometimes the worry for the other party - what would happen to them if you broke up?

There's the angry reaction, the I'll see you on the street with nothing you ******* reaction, the clingy, alien face hugger I can't live without you, I'll die, I'll throw myself off Beachy Head, look, I've got a knife to my wrists reaction, the permanent stalker, I'll never give up on us, so I'll always be calling reaction, there's the I'm not leaving and you can't make me reaction, there's the you must be sleeping with somebody else, who is he, I knew it type reaction.

Now whilst they all prove the partner is better out of it, even milder forms of these reactions with a complete drama llama, would make it so much harder to say it's over, whether for fear or guilt.

System

I was with my x 3 1/2 years and probably unhappy for the last 2 (we argued all the time)...but we shared a house (with others) and i had been very ill, and i honestly was so scared to be on my own. I didn't think i could cope without him, or that anyone else would ever want somebody as screwed up as me It also sounds horrible when i thin k of this but i think part of the reason he was scared to leave me was he was scared i'd do something stupid (have a history of MH probs and suicide attempts-but i should add i never threatened him with it-i would NEVER have done that to someone)

In the end he left me for someone else (who he's still with), BUT as devastated as i was at the time, it was the best thing he could have done. I was single for 8 months after that and in those 8 months got a lot better, and really enjoyed getting my life back on track. I got the old me back and realised that being on my own was not the worst thing, and that i was a lot stronger than i thought. As it happens being in a happier place, and being happier in myself lead me to meet my now bf and i literally could not be happier (A lot of happiness there..!) I love him to bits and forsee us being together long term (ideally..forever ), BUT i know if for whatever reason it didn't work out that i would be ok, which in itself kind of takes some of the pressure off myself and i am able to enjoy this relationship much more.

miss_independent

marisco wrote: »

I find this so incredibly sad. Has someone done a real number on you in the past, to leave you with such low self esteem?

You deserve to be loved and respected by someone who becomes your life partner and who you would want to have children with. Your husband should love you and treat you better than anyone else. That is not living life with rose tinted glasses on or wanting 'the fairytale'. It is a realistic expectation of being happily married.

If you settle for being with anyone who will have you then that sets the standards of your relationship at such a low level. Not someone I would want to be a wife to or the mother of their children.

Respect yourself and aim high.

Thanks. In answer to your question...yeah, basically.

Don't get me wrong, I'd NEVER be with anyone who was horrible to me but I would "settle" for less than I dreamed of. I know its screwed up... I can't explain. I don't want to be "family-less" one day. I don't have a large, extended family that I'm close to. Most of them live in other countries.

"If anyone"ll have me" was kind of a self-deprecating joke. I don't know..I just have alot of love to give and no one to give it to.

I know its pathetic! Just ignore me! :rotfl:

I come across as more confident in RL - honest!

FBaby

miss_independent wrote: »

Thanks. In answer to your question...yeah, basically.

Don't get me wrong, I'd NEVER be with anyone who was horrible to me but I would "settle" for less than I dreamed of. I know its screwed up... I can't explain. I don't want to be "family-less" one day. I don't have a large, extended family that I'm close to. Most of them live in other countries.

"If anyone"ll have me" was kind of a self-deprecating joke. I don't know..I just have alot of love to give and no one to give it to.

I know its pathetic! Just ignore me! :rotfl:

I come across as more confident in RL - honest!

I don't think it makes you sad in any way to have that vision of what you are looking for, and because your expectations are not so high, you might indeed find yourself much happier in a relationship. You know what you want and what would make you happy. There are so many women who can't ever imagine settling down unless it is with her perfect partner, and end up still looking for him many years later to then settle for the first one that comes along just to have the same thing you are already admitting now is what you want.

As you've said, you are not going to go with anyone, you are just prepared to consider settling for less. As long as 'less' in less than perfect, rather than less than average, I really don't think it is pathetic.

Person_one

miss_independent wrote: »

Thanks. In answer to your question...yeah, basically.

Don't get me wrong, I'd NEVER be with anyone who was horrible to me but I would "settle" for less than I dreamed of. I know its screwed up... I can't explain. I don't want to be "family-less" one day. I don't have a large, extended family that I'm close to. Most of them live in other countries.

"If anyone"ll have me" was kind of a self-deprecating joke. I don't know..I just have alot of love to give and no one to give it to.

I know its pathetic! Just ignore me! :rotfl:

I come across as more confident in RL - honest!

I actually think a lot of people do this, even if they don't admit it even to themselves. I don't believe for a minute that every couple that gets married or has children are deliriously happy, madly in love and worshipping the ground the other walks on. If everybody held out for that we'd have died out a long time ago.

At least you're honest!

miss_independent

FBaby wrote: »

I don't think it makes you sad in any way to have that vision of what you are looking for, and because your expectations are not so high, you might indeed find yourself much happier in a relationship. You know what you want and what would make you happy. There are so many women who can't ever imagine settling down unless it is with her perfect partner, and end up still looking for him many years later to then settle for the first one that comes along just to have the same thing you are already admitting now is what you want.

As you've said, you are not going to go with anyone, you are just prepared to consider settling for less. As long as 'less' in less than perfect, rather than less than average, I really don't think it is pathetic.

Thanks . Do you know what? Its hard! Its not an easy thing that I've had to admit to myself. I was the most romantic teenager ever - I wanted the love at first sight and the crazy passion and everything. And then the next thing you are 28 and people start saying, "You can't be too choosy you know?", "Your standards are too high", "Your career isn't everything", "I expect you think that no one is good enough for you but there are lots of nice men around if you'd give them a chance." When I'd love to be married and starting a family! Its like they blame me or something but there aren't exactly men queuing up for me. So I just feel I've had to be realistic. I'm glad you don't think I'm pathetic!

Person_one wrote: »

I actually think a lot of people do this, even if they don't admit it even to themselves. I don't believe for a minute that every couple that gets married or has children are deliriously happy, madly in love and worshipping the ground the other walks on. If everybody held out for that we'd have died out a long time ago.

At least you're honest!

Thanks. Alot of my family have had arranged marriages and I feel that they are happier now than my friends who had the crazy in love start. I do believe love can grow over time. Also, the qualities I am looking for in a husband aren't necessarily what I'd be looking for in a man that I'd just want a quick fling with either. There's other things that are more important imho.


I know I sound really calculated.

Bottom line is; I want the tall, dark handsome stranger who makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside and completely sweeps me off my feet and makes me feel ecstatically happy, like the most beautiful woman in the world and showers me with gifts and romantic words and gestures, who tells me he adores me and gives me multiple orgasms every day and he can also do the lift from Dirty Dancing and he is a musician and is only too happy to re-enact the Notebook with me and kiss me in the rain and ... so on and so forth....

(yes that was intentionally ott)

We don't always get what we want! I know this. My real wishlist is fairly short. Kind, faithful, family orientated man, within 7 years of my age, who makes me smile, is affectionate, financially responsible, confident without being arrogant and has excellent personal hygeine.

Oh and he has to be straight.

ms_london

I'm single and have been a while - I'm early thirties and don't want children, not sure how I feel about marriage either. I'm happy though and my singledom has meant I could move to different places and travel the world, I have hope I'll meet someone - but in the scheme of things, I'm only young! There is a stigma to not only being long term single, but also not wanting children. Well, I'd like my life to be how I want, not to do things just to fit in, thanks very much.

SuzieSue

miss_independent wrote: »

We don't always get what we want! I know this. My real wishlist is fairly short. Kind, faithful, family orientated man, within 7 years of my age, who makes me smile, is affectionate, financially responsible, confident without being arrogant and has excellent personal hygeine.

Oh and he has to be straight.

They are out there - I've got one (only thing is that he is 9 years older than me).

By the time I split up with my ex, we didn't even like each other. We had been together for 7 years and just drifted apart. I stayed with him because he was better than having no-one. I was 36 when we split up.

I was then single for 5 years and was convinced that I would never meet anyone else and was quite happy being single (I didn't want children) although I wouldn't have said no to a relationship. I met my fiance (we are getting married next week) at work and he had just discovered that his wife had had an affair so I helped him through that and then realised that I had met my soul mate.

miss_independent

SuzieSue wrote: »

They are out there - I've got one (only thing is that he is 9 years older than me).

By the time I split up with my ex, we didn't even like each other. We had been together for 7 years and just drifted apart. I stayed with him because he was better than having no-one. I was 36 when we split up.

I was then single for 5 years and was convinced that I would never meet anyone else and was quite happy being single (I didn't want children) although I wouldn't have said no to a relationship. I met my fiance (we are getting married next week) at work and he had just discovered that his wife had had an affair so I helped him through that and then realised that I had met my soul mate.

Congratulations and have a wonderful wedding day next week!

Netwizard

ms_london wrote: »

I'm single and have been a while - I'm early thirties and don't want children, not sure how I feel about marriage either.

Likewise. I am 28 and single for 28 years! Sometimes it bothers me, after all, it would be nice to have someone to share like with, but on the flipside, when I look at friends and work colleagues relationships, 99% of the time, I am glad to be single!