Adopting step-children

okra

Does anyone know anything about this? My husband would like to adopt my (should say our, because 'my' sounds wrong!) eldest child.

ben500

okra wrote: »

Does anyone know anything about this? My husband would like to adopt my (should say our, because 'my' sounds wrong!) eldest child.

May I ask why you feel the need to adopt? What are the current arrangements?

knithappens

ben500 wrote: »

May I ask why you feel the need to adopt? What are the current arrangements?

I don't feel that is any of our business.

OP _ my husband and I have been looking at doing this ourselves with my eldest Daughter, Father has had nothing to do with her since she was born and she is now 11. She does see her Paternal Grandparents and has a lovely relationship with them, but not her father.

You may find these websites useful, that i found in my searches.


http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/step_adoption2.html

http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/step_parent/a58.pdf

http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/step_parent/court_guidance.pdf


Hope these are of some use.

vics_1982

Hi There,

My Step-Farther adopted me when i was younger, In order for your husband to adopt your child you to will have to adopt her with him, making you step mother also. (thats what heppened with us about 17 years ago)
We had a social worker who was worse than useless come to see us in our familly situ a few times annd depending on the age of your child they will get asked by the social worker what they want and also when you go to court the judge will also ask the child what he/she wants away from the parents. Mind you i think we only had to go to court because my "biologoical farther" wouldn't allow my dad to adopt me (even though he left us with nothing at 3 months)
Suffice to say all is well and the adoption went well and without a hitch.

HTH

Vics

sockospice

vics_1982 wrote: »

Hi There,

My Step-Farther adopted me when i was younger, In order for your husband to adopt your child you to will have to adopt her with him, making you step mother also. (thats what heppened with us about 17 years ago)
We had a social worker who was worse than useless come to see us in our familly situ a few times annd depending on the age of your child they will get asked by the social worker what they want and also when you go to court the judge will also ask the child what he/she wants away from the parents. Mind you i think we only had to go to court because my "biologoical farther" wouldn't allow my dad to adopt me (even though he left us with nothing at 3 months)
Suffice to say all is well and the adoption went well and without a hitch.

HTH

Vics

The law has changed to make step parent adoption easier - it is no longer required to be a joint application with birth mum as happened previously.

OP needs to get in touch with their local social services.

pollocmc

Can I just ask what part the other parent has in this? I am involved a lot in my kids life and would be, rightly or wrongly, extremely peeved if they were "adopted"

ben500

lilmrsmullen wrote: »

I don't feel that is any of our business.

OP _ my husband and I have been looking at doing this ourselves with my eldest Daughter, Father has had nothing to do with her since she was born and she is now 11. She does see her Paternal Grandparents and has a lovely relationship with them, but not her father.

You may find these websites useful, that i found in my searches.


http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/step_adoption2.html

http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/step_parent/a58.pdf

http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/step_parent/court_guidance.pdf


Hope these are of some use.

It may well not be any of my busines but it would help me to answer the op's post nonetheless.
I don't see why you felt the need to point it out, the questions were directed at the op and the op is perfectly able I'm sure to decide whether or not they wish to answer the questions or determine their pertinance without your help. There may well be a particular reason why they wish to adopt and perhaps another easier channel to satisfy their needs.

okra

ben500 wrote: »

May I ask why you feel the need to adopt? What are the current arrangements?

I din't mind answering the question - no doubt it will be asked repeatedly if we go ahead.

Me ex left when I told him I was pregnant. He didn't want me to continue with the pregnancy and has had no interest in his child in the almost 9 years since. Contact has amounted to two visits to our home and one occasion where he took her out for an hour, all in the first months of her life, and nothing since. I have always made contact open - wherever, whenever, however etc he wanted (and friendly and without recrimination), because I was of the opinion that one day, I would be accountable to the one person who mattered - my daughter. He has chosen not to have any contact at all, to the point where he actually 'disowned' her and walked away. Of course, she doesn't know these details

My now husband has brought up our daughter since she was a baby and we now have two further children. She is every part his daughter - there is no difference apart from the biological. Legally, though, she hasn't a father and she deserves that. We don't feel there is much to lose by cutting her biological ties, but there is a lot to gain in terms of her stability and emotional wellbeing. My husband also feels quite strongly that he would like to make the commitment to her officially.

I realise that we could just apply for my husband to have Parental responsibilty and change my daughters name (she has actually changed her own surname despite us telling her she couldn't really do so, strong willed child that she is. Her school books/library card/etc have her as a different name :rolleyes:). However, it feels a bit like marriage. We didn't have any 'real' reason to be married - it didn't change much. However, it was important to us as a couple, emotionally and psychologically, to make that commitment to each other. Adoption feels the same - does that make sense?


Thank you all for your replies. I will look at the links you've given me.

Vics, can I ask whether you have any regret, or whether you feel it was the wrong decision in any way?

okra

pollocmc wrote: »

Can I just ask what part the other parent has in this? I am involved a lot in my kids life and would be, rightly or wrongly, extremely peeved if they were "adopted"

Hopefully I've covered that. If her bioligical father were involved in her life in any way. I wouldn't be looking to adopt her because I don't think it would be right to sever a tie where she had anything to gain from it. In fact, I would rather he had contact with her for her own sake, but despite my best efforts to make that as easy and painless for him, he has never wanted contact in any form.

ben500

It was for the reasons stated in Vics post above I asked as to adopt the child as she pointed out would effectively make you an adoptive parent in the eyes of the law and that will have some implications for you as a natural mother, having never gone down this route myself I obviously don't know what they may be, but it is something you should research before going down the adoptive route perhaps as those implications will not necessarilly become apparent at the outset. I have managed to raise my youngest (from the age of 6wks) now 13 yrs without the need to adopt although the contact he has had with his natural father has at times been rocky and at best intermittent, I hope all goes well with you and your partner and his committment is to be admired. From what you have said in the response I get the impression he wishes to have the child legally represented as an equal amongst his siblings which is the way it should be. Perhaps the one question that would be pertinent to ask from someone suitably qualified would be along the lines of "Would I lose any rights I now have as a "natural mother if I became his adoptive mother also" as I'm not really sure but would suspect you would retain your natural mother status as I can't see how you could be stripped of that status as all you would have to do is take a quick dna test to uphold any claim to it. Sorry but it's clearly a little muddy for me also.

jo_b_2

ben500 wrote: »

It was for the reasons stated in Vics post above I asked as to adopt the child as she pointed out would effectively make you an adoptive parent in the eyes of the law and that will have some implications for you as a natural mother

Perhaps the one question that would be pertinent to ask from someone suitably qualified would be along the lines of "Would I lose any rights I now have as a "natural mother if I became his adoptive mother also" as I'm not really sure but would suspect you would retain your natural mother status as I can't see how you could be stripped of that status as all you would have to do is take a quick dna test to uphold any claim to it. Sorry but it's clearly a little muddy for me also.

Sorry to contradict your advice but another poster has already correctly pointed out that adoption law has changed over recent years and a birth mother is no longer required to adopt her own child as part of a step parent adoption.

The op might find some useful advice on her Local Authority website.

This one explains the process quite well: http://www.adopttrafford.org/traffordadopts/process/process.asp?Sel_s=13&Sel_p=23