Sons ex trying make things difficult

aandrea

seeing a solicitor

Kayalana99

Maintenance is a percentage of what he earns - he should pay this (or get more advice on how much it should be)

Other then that is she really that bad a mum for you to get SS involved?

As for not starting nursery well I don't see how that is an issue at all?

I think thier are two sides to this story.

Dinnie2006

Your son needs to Contact a Solicitor and he can have access defined by a Court Order.
The view of the Courts is a Child has a Right to both sets of Parents.

aandrea

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Maintenance is a percentage of what he earns - he should pay this (or get more advice on how much it should be)

Other then that is she really that bad a mum for you to get SS involved?

As for not starting nursery well I don't see how that is an issue at all?

I think thier are two sides to this story.

My daughter, and I have thought about getting SS involved, as there is afew other queries, that grandson said, or did. That bothers us. As for the nursery issue, as he is behind with his speech, she was told before she moved the first time, that this would help him, with his speech.

londonsurrey

Ill fitting clothes aside, are the garments and the child clean?

BitterAndTwisted

aandrea wrote: »

My son, got his girlfriend pregnant, and not long after he was born, they split up. Her choice.

Unfortunate but not a criminal offence.

He has been paying maintenance at what they agreed.

Good, that is as it should be. But perhaps not as much as a court or the CSA would award.

Grandson is now 4 years of age. but inbetween that time, his ex has moved out of the town she's lived at,

That is her right. She doesn't need either your son's permission, or yours to move home.

Not put him nursery till a week before Xmas, making his speech delayed.

Anyone who thinks that a child of four think that attending a nursery is a necessity, or always has an effect on the child's development is a fool.

Now grandson is 4 years old. As every time his going to start nursery she's going to move.

So? She's the person looking after the child full-time, so she's the one who can decide whether it's appropriate for him to attend a nursery or not.

None of us on my sons side, would she allow us to see our grandson.

You don't have an absolute right to see him. And if you are as negative and combative as you sound in your post, I don't blame her for not facilitiating contact.

Once going on near a year, since they split up, out of the blue whilst I was at work she text me swearing at me, for no reason.

Tell that to the Marines! I suspect she may have felt entirely justified in texting you.


My son sees his son, as much as his shifts will allow.
Son has been and picked up his son, even if a bit inconvenient to him, like when he was moving into house. Or just done, shift of nights.

Now son has settled down, moved into house with girlfriend, shes moving again, and wants an increase in maintenance.

She can move if she likes, and doesn't need anyone's permission to do so.

Yet sometimes, when his just been picked up, his got clothed, that don't fit him,, and even underpants, that are a couple years, older than what he is, and his not a big child.

So? That's hardly child-abuse or neglect. Maybe your son isn't contributing enough for her to buy age-appropriate underwear. At least they're not too small.

Sons at his wicks end as to what to do, as he don't like confrontation, anything for him to see his son. But we don't think it goes on him, when you see her, always going out at weekend , in the latest fashion.

His contributions are for her to decide what it gets spent on. For all you know she could be making a really good job of taking care of your grandson, and if she has enough spends to afford the occasional night out or new clothing-items for herself, it's really none of your business.

If you think the child isn't being properly cared for, or the mother keeps moving to avoid organisations being able to keep tabs on her parenting you do have people you can report her to. So do it if you think it's justified. Not liking her isn't justification, it's spite.

balletshoes

what you've posted here, isn't any reason to involve SS as far as I can see.

No child has to go to nursery, or even school, until they are 5 years old. Maybe it would be beneficial for him to go to nursery, but thats his mum's choice.

Lots of mums go out on the weekends, as long as their children are being looked after by responsible adults while they are out, again, no reason to involve SS for that.

Maintenance should be on a formal footing - your son can check how much he should be paying on the CSA website I believe.

Your son's ex doesn't sound like she is preventing him from seeing his son. What is it thats making him feel he's at his wits end with the arrangements are they stand?

I know you say there are other concerns you have, and although the way your grandson's mum is living her life may not be what you or I would do, it doesn't mean she's necessarily a bad mum who neglects her child.

michelle2008

You are naturally taking your sons side - but my goodness you sound very bitter!

You are accusing this girl of making the child speech delayed! While I am sure she has her faults (don't we all!), development issues happen for lots of reasons and unless she never speaks to him it is unlikely to be her fault. The advice that going to nursery will help is probably code for he will grow out of it.

To be honest after reading your post you seem very blinkered. The little lad needs loving parents and supportive grandparents - you need to swallow your criticisms and try and keep everyone calm and united.

pigpen

Nursery is not compulsory so none of your business nor your sons really if she has full care of their son. Also, whether a child attends nursery or not has no effect on their speech development, some children just don't speak as early as others, and if he is not being spoken to or encouraged to speak by his mum then he won't be learning will he.

As for clothes.. undies, I ALWAYS buy bigger sizes as they are usually really skimpy and are easier for the small child to pull up and down if they are not skin tight.. He could always buy a few bits to keep at his to change the boy into when he visits, or you could offer to get him clothes he needs for christmas/birthdays.

This all sounds really really petty, like a petulant child.

If he is clean and fed and loved what the hell difference does it make what size his undies are or whether is fluent in 5 languages, can fly a plane or read .. children all develop at different rates.

If he is paying her a reasonable amount then he should tell her to bog off and to take him to CMS.. the all new CSA (who are apparently no longer taking new claims).. a service that is charged so she might not want to lose money

However, he is right to be paying something so it sounds like they should sit down and work out a sum together, it is usually considered that 25% of the income goes to the parent with residency of the child..

It does sound like there are a few issues they need to discuss, a solicitor would first refer them for mediation, approx. £100 an hour so if they want to avoid this then they need to put their feelings one another aside, grow up and sort it out like 2 adults who put their sons needs first.

michelle2008

Just re-read and am struck by your comments about son collecting his child even when it is inconvenient!!

Welcome to parenthood!! I am sure the child's mother does a lot more at 'inconvenient' times!

I think it's time to knock your big son down off that pedestal!

Kayalana99

michelle2008 wrote: »

Just re-read and am struck by your comments about son collecting his child even when it is inconvenient!!

Welcome to parenthood!! I am sure the child's mother does a lot more at 'inconvenient' times!

I think it's time to knock your big son down off that pedestal!

It doesnt sound to me like the son is on the pedestal

I'm glad my MIL is decent my sister's MIL complains at her for keeping the curtains shut in the day, working full time is a complete NO-NO that resulted in 10-15 texts about how her DD will not get enough care.....the texts make me :rotfl: but it does get to her...:(