What to say to teenagers about someone dying :-(

System

..... just be prepared to hold his hand (if he needs it) if he's never seen a dead body before.

I was 18 and scared stiff.

Poppy9

Agree with others, treat him as an adult and don't baby him.

You may be surprised that he is upset but okay with it as they expect grandparents to die, it's the natural order.

My DD lost her grandfather at 10 and she knew he was dying and she asked if she could go see him to say good bye. Her grandmother died suddenly when she was just 16 and she wanted to go and see her in the funeral home as it made it real. She went with my OH and she was pleased she had seen her as she said she looked beautiful.

Last year she had to deal with the loss of my sister. My sister was taken ill suddenly with brain cancer and DD asked me if she was going to get better and I had to tell her it was unlikely we could keep her for long. I'm glad I used those words as we thought she would have a years but she had 1 month. DD came to see her to say goodbye before they switched off the life support. It was difficult for her but it was important she was included and she dealt with it so well. It also did her good to see adults openly crying and sharing their feelings.

Take your lead from him. At 14 they don't have the inhibitions of fearing saying the wrong thing or being insensitive so he will probably be open with his questions. Be honest, offer him the chance to see her before, during, after. Ask him if he wants to read at the service or be a bearer.

If you have a faith, remember it's your faith, so alway "what I believe" don't state anything as fact.

Dont' be afraid to joke and talk about her. Saying she'll come back and haunt him if he doesn't keep his room tidy etc. are okay as jokes and they give an opening for him to talk about her.

Help him to send her on her journey wrapped safe in your love.

mummybearx

Thank you for all the replies.

I had a chat with him last night when DH got home with him. He was crying, saying it was so hard We hugged, he cried, and pretty much cried himself to sleep.

Woke up this morning to a text saying she had died during the night. His mum is going to talk to him this morning when he gets up. Unfortunately I've had to come to work, so won't see him now til tonight.

I will talk with him tonight again, let him lead the conversation I think. He is a lovely bright intelligent boy, he knows the in's and out's of it all but it's the first time he has had to deal with death really. His grampa died when he was about 5, so too young really to understand it all.

Thanks again x

LittleMax

So sorry to hear your sad news zepsgal ... sounds like you handled last night really well, and I'm sure you will do the right things in the coming days. Try not to over think things, if it feels the right thing to do or say at the time, then you are doing the right thing.

marisco_2

Sorry to hear that your relative died over night zepsgal. I hope her passing was quick for her and painless. Thinking of you and hoping you are okay today.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

But I think he will be glad that he went and saw her. It can be a comfort to people to know that you were there to see them so near, and that maybe they knew, they heard you had come.

Yes, it's sad. But it's what happens, people get old, some people get sick, some people get hurt and people die. We don't have to like it. But it's normal.

ruby-roo_2

Sorry to hear of your loss. Hope you will all be okay.

Couchiex3

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Absolutely agree. 'Poor Gran has not got as much time left as we'd hoped, she is very ill and will die soon, possibly tonight, very sad'. Then give him a hug and be available to answer questions and be supportive. Don't be scared to cry in front of him.

Maybe I misunderstood, but it sounds like you have a problem and think its quite 'infant' to offer your support and give him a hug.

Can I ask why? Genuinely confused. When my gran was dying, I was 15 years old and it was heartbreaking, I would of loved if my mum had of turned around and gave me a hug and offered her support, it wouldn't of meant I was being treated like a little baby, its just a caring thing to do and nice to know you have that support.

My OH gran died when he was in his 20s, his mum turned around and offered her support and gave him hugs, nothing wrong with that at all, death is horrible.