Help! The nutter downstairs is making our lives a misery.

BigAunty

I'm with the previous poster who wonders if your neighbour has mental health issues, as well as having the rare luxury of having no-one adjacent to them for a long time. You may just find that they have little going on in their life, they are so lonely and have so much time to themselves, so that tiny insignificant things become an obsession and their total life's focus.

With one of my neighbours in the past, I used to hear a lot of smashing and banging noises along the walls and floors, cupboard and room doors banging, she used to wail and scream. The front door has a pane on it and one day during the usual noisy session I saw that she crossed it with a broom in her hand and understood then that she was attacking her property with it.

It's a shame that your depth of consideration, general politeness and sensitivity and your neighbour's exaggerated obsession has led you to be intimidated in your own home. The only way to resolve it is to start learning to enjoy your home and ignore your neighbour's warped world, not get caught up in it. Go through the council/EH route.

Be confident that your neighbour's campaign can come to nowt because if they install sound recording equipment in his property as the conclusion of his persistent complaints, they will find that it's all in his imagination, whereas if they install it in yours, they can see how he's been harassing you.

BigAunty

vet8 wrote: »

We have in fact contacted the police a while ago about other odd things he has done, he is VERY strange. We strongly suspect for example, but cannot prove, that he stole our doormat. How odd is that?

Any scope for putting up hidden CCTV (such as one concealed in a PIR or smoke detector or door spy hole, a pinhole one) that could capture incidents in the future as surely he will continue to punish you, particularly if you go to the council or police?

The guy sounds sneaky so I think you've got to get sneaky back.

BigAunty

HouseMoo wrote: »

Maybe your downstairs neighbour is actually hearing noises in the night but from their own flat and not yours.

Good point. In my current and previous properties, I do hear regular banging and cracking noises which I believe must be the pipes or floorboards shrinking when the heating is off. I can never work out where they are being made.

snow_ball

You've never had sex in your own flat???

BigAunty

vet8 wrote: »

Now he has started banging on the ceiling during the night, originally with a broom handle or something similar but now he seems to be standing on a chair and pounding repeatedly with a shoe heel or something. We cannot sleep and we now dread going home.
....

We have tried thumping back on the floor when he thumps in the past, but I have now stopped that as it seemed to make it worse and reduced us to his pathetic level..

Do you have the courage to both go down there at night and knock on the door and say through the letter box that he's disturbing you each and every time he does this so that he sees you are going to stand up for yourself and take action each time he's abusive? Or say through the letter box 'Are you okay, would you like us to call an ambulance? You seem to be in distress?'. Or even do this wordlessly so he knows he can expect a visit from you every time he disturbs you until he finally loses his nerve?

Or do you think that it's something that will simply add fire to his imaginery grievances and give him excitement in his very dull life? Banging back was counterproductive but then it wasn't a direct challenge.

I know it's hardly the same thing at all in anyway but I remember with that SuperNanny programme when parents wept that they couldn't stop their children from coming into their room every night and that they were powerless, their children controlled them and no amount of bribing, coaxing, pleading would help, the children got their own way. The Nanny told them simply to lead them back into their room wordlessly each and every time. On the first night, they might need to do it 15 times, on the second night, 10, on the third night twice and then the child finally learned that they weren't going to get their way and that on each occasion, their parents would stand up to them, and so the habit was broken.

I don't even know why I'm suggesting such a course of action, other than his childlike behaviour, his cowardice and fear of confrontation, made me think of that episode where the parents fought back....!!

GreenSheep

I hope the post on moving isn't a serious one.

I would of had to been forced to think that there was only one language he'd understand and spoke to him in it before I considered moving.

And his mental health shouldn't come before yours. You're not doing bits a couple should be doing for his mental health? This can only have negative implications on your mental health. And no one is more important than you and no relationship with a neighbour is more important than a relationship with your partner.

Try forcefully telling him you're an angel but you're happy not to be. And if you threaten it do it. Play music. Do bits.
Then ask him if he's "learnt your lesson?" like a little boy. Belittle him into submission.

Other than that I think I would completely understand your husband reacting...
This place is very left so I assume this won't be met well.

You are not responsable for other peoples mental health.
You are suffering yourself.

Again...

No one is more important than you and no relationship with a neighbour is more important than a relationship with your partner.

vet8

I am back from work now so I can reply to posts. I will reply to specific posts below.

Thanks everyone for your very kind and helpful responses. It has made me feel a lot happier and more positive about the whole thing.

I do feel like making a huge noise back, but I do not want to disturb the other neighbours who are all very pleasant. And as several posters have pointed out we are really being too considerate, we need to fight back against the b*****d.

vet8

moromir wrote: »

Is it possible that the doormat was removed by the Management Company?

The management company do nothing, they are part of the Peveril Group and therefore useless. No, everyone has a doormat apart from the oddball and everyone else's are still there.

vet8

Mozzanov wrote: »

He might have mental health problems. I'm not meaning to sound nasty, but if there is no sound and he believes he's hearing something.

One of the problems with a lower/ground floor flat is that, never mind how considerate your neighbours are, you can often hear everything.

Eventually though you get used to these every day (or night) sounds.

How long have you been there for?

I am sure he does have mental health problems, he is fine for months and then suddenly starts to send odd notes or bangs on the ceiling, we are not making any more noise then we have for the past 2 years - why start thumping now?

I agree that downstairs flats hear noises from upstairs, but I think the insulation is pretty good, when we are inside we never hear any one else's TV or any other noise apart from oddball banging.

We have lived here for over 2 years.

vet8

Tancred wrote: »

The issue here is that what is reasonable noise to some is intolerable to others. The best thing is to meet the person concerned on amicable terms and try to find out what the particular problem is - most of these things can be sorted out without a dispute. A cup of tea and a couple of rich tea biscuits can make all the difference.

I would love to be able to talk to him about this, if only to find out what the noise is he can hear, but he will never meet the neighbours. If there is any chance you may encounter him in the lobby he rushes back inside his flat and slams the door, he does this with all the neighbours, not just us.