Trust when a marriage was founded on lies

sportbeth

confusedinsuburbia wrote: »

Thank you, that is exactly how I take it.

I do feel such an idiot. I keep going over the beginning, when he said that sex with me was the best he'd known, and it was good, and I really can't see how was acting at that time.

I wonder if he wanted to 'catch' me so early, before the charade fell... maybe he did even believe it himself at that point.

Since I found out he has been extra affectionate (still lacking sex though), which does make me doubt myself.

However, he said something very telling today. I made a quip about someone with false teeth, and how it kept her husband happy. My husband seemed annoyed, and said "it's always sex, sex, sex with you, you always bring everything round to sex".

I realise that was not a normal thing to say - not to a sexual partner anyway. In the past he's made several 'suggestive' jokes, especially in the beginning, but it's as if he doesn't see me in a sexual way anymore, and even joking about sex annoys him.

This all reads very much like my former life. I had an engagement ring on my finger within 3 weeks of meeting my ex after he pursued me rampantly, then I had the misery of 5 years of sexless relationship after the initial honeymoon stage. He was constantly thrillseeking, his behaviour online went from constant streaming of !!!!!! to endlessly chasing women for a quickie.

Every time I caught him he was disgusted with himself, and my efforts to bring him back from the edge (dressing nicely, romantic efforts, even the kinkier stuff) was met with disgust.

There is no "fix" for people like this, you have to move on and sadly let the next woman get on with it and learn in her own time. for your own sanity, please think about the long term future and your options.