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Doing things you don't want to do?
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That really is a dreadful experience :grouphug:When I turned 30 I arranged a party from March onward I asked various mates and said 'I know its the bank hol I accept you may have other plans but can you make it if not no worries just let me know?' >>> some even put it in diaries and calendars they all said yeah sure and then none turned up on the day. Wont be doing that again and it made me quite sad
so I would no longer put myself out for others which is a shameValue-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!
"No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio
Hope is not a strategy
...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!0 -
The only thing that I have said no to recently is to attending my friend's baptism. I politely declined as I would have been very uncomfortable and also a complete hypocrite if I had had to congratulate or look happy for her. I gather she understood as she never mentioned it again and has been her usual lovely self but our mutual friend who is a lot more in your face about such things and loves a bit of drama was not impressed with me. Oh well!
What a shame you felt that way about her baptism. Presumably she was voluntarily celebrating her faith that day?0 -
Alchemilla wrote: »What a shame you felt that way about her baptism. Presumably she was voluntarily celebrating her faith that day?
Why would it be a shame?
I feel the same way. Similarly I would be very honoured to be asked to be a godmother but would turn it down because I couldn't in all honesty accept it as am as atheist as Dawkins!Man plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0 -
For me it would depend on what it was. If someone asked me to go hiking with them, I'd say no as it's just not my cup of tea.
If something was out of my budget, again I'd tell them that I couldn't do it. If it's something I'd love to do though I would find a way to be involved in some way.
There are so many different scenarios though it's impossible to say one way or the other though I guess as it would depend on what has been asked of me.
If it's just a case of something I've been asked to do, which I can afford but don't want to do, I might go depending on the person...I can't really give you an answer I guess!0 -
We all have to do things we don't want to do. Like get up in the morning and go to work, or clean the bins and pay bills.
What you're talking about here OP, is with friends and other people you have relationships with. Doing things you don't want to do. My friends live away and do loads of things together. I get to see them three or four times a year for a substantial period of time. The next outing is a bus load of them going to Cheltenham ladies day, dressed up in hats and the lark and getting as much champagne down their throats as possible. They always ask me and I always say no. With a smile on my face. I will have their dogs for the day and nurse their hangovers when they come home. That's what I like to do. For my girls who have looked after me.
Too much emphasis is placed on us to do things we don't want to do because of friends or families. If you don't want to do something, then don't do it. You'll just end up with a set of resentments that eat away at you. What's wrong with "No, that's not my cup of tea, but thanks for the invitation?" Or maybe my friends and I know each too well and we know what each other likes. I like the movies on a regular basis and when I travel to them or to me, I ask them if they would like to go see a movie. If they say no, I don't feel let down or hacked off they haven't reciprocated my good turns. I just accept that they don't want to go to the movies.
Every Christmas, we rent a large house together. Ten of us. We have done for years and some stay all week, some come for a couple of days, some don't come at all. We start the negotiations in January and plans will change as the year goes on. Two of them have a bank account which we all pay into and one books the house on their card and money is collected. It's about trust, I trust my friends implicitely and I trust them not to expect that I will want to come along to everything. Just as I trust them when I arrange something. They're intelligent enough to be able to manage their own choices. None of us do anything we don't want or can't afford to do. We have all had bad times with money and in some instances, we have have helped each other out. We have had rows, fallouts and some right messes, but we never take each other for granted.
Why anyone should be "expected" to do anything they don't want to do is beyond me.0 -
Why would it be a shame?
I feel the same way. Similarly I would be very honoured to be asked to be a godmother but would turn it down because I couldn't in all honesty accept it as am as atheist as Dawkins!
I think it's a shame too . You wouldn't turn down a wedding invitation because you didn't believe in marriage -you'd accept as a gesture to share your friends big day and help them celebrate it ....... you wouldn't not go to a funeral of a catholic friend if you were CofE ....etc etc . Declining an offer to be godmother is a little different as you would be promising to help keep the child a good Christian which if you don't believe would be hypocritical ....but going to a Christening to celebrate the birth of a child rather than god parenting is fine with me. I've attended weddings of different faiths to my own and appreciated getting asked.I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
Actually - I have said that I won't go to weddings in churches before... and not just to avoid the possibility of a lightning strike!
I think its nice to be asked, but the person who's day it is should respect the fact that not everyone has a faith.Man plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0 -
I actually find christenings of babies quite upsetting, I go for my closest people and grit my teeth, but not for anybody else.0
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Why would it be a shame?
I feel the same way. Similarly I would be very honoured to be asked to be a godmother but would turn it down because I couldn't in all honesty accept it as am as atheist as Dawkins!
It would be a shame that one couldn't be happy for one's friend as they achieved something they wanted.
Quite different from being a Godmother where one actively promises to do religious "things".
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Ah - but you're assuming that I am not happy for them. I just don't want anything to do with anything religious. But then my friends know that I respect their choices but will not participate.Man plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0
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