Doing things you don't want to do?

valk_scot

If it's for a friend and it won't put me out too much financially or timewise then of course I'll go. What's more once I've said I'll do something I stick to it, I won't back out at the last moment because I can't be bothered or I get a better offer. Having said all that I am mindful about what I commit myself to simply because it is a clear commitment, I won't say I will unless I'm definately going to make it and I won't go to things that I'd definately hate doing. I can manage bored so I will go to a violin recital (am tone deaf) but you'd never get me hang gliding!

saterkey

There is nothing worse than going with someone though that really doesnt want to be there and shows it! I cant relax if i know they arent enjoying it too.

fluffnutter

If you have healthy relationships with people who don't take you for granted, then doing things for people is doing something for yourself, simply because it feels nice when you do nice things for those you love. Pleasing yourself and pleasing your loved ones isn't mutually exclusive. In fact, the two should work in perfect symbiosis.

The problem comes when people have unhealthy relationships with people who don't reciprocate time and love to the same degree. This is when people either become cynical and stop doing things for their loved ones, or they continue and become martyrs.

It's all about the quality of your relationships, people. Ditch those who make you feel bad, who don't appreciate you and instead surround yourself with people who love you as much as you love them.

marisco_2

lazer wrote: »

I do tend to do things my friends want to even if i Don't want to do them

Why do you do this? Why do you not feel comfortable enough, around people you think of as friends, to just say 'thank you for the invite but that is not really something I want to do'.

If you cant be honest with them and are left feeling obliged to do things so as to spare their feelings, then they aren't real friends.

I invite my friends along to all sorts of things. I respect that they are all individuals with their own tastes, likes and dislikes. So I accept that things will appeal to some and not others. They know me well enough to be able to say yes or no and that I wont be offended if they turn me down.

sharnad

It depends if they wanted to go out and needed some support had a bad time I would go otherwise I would just say no and arrange something else another time

Violet8

Generally I will go along to or do things even if it's not something that interests me because I don't get a huge amount of invites/don't have a large social circle so have to take the opportuity to be social when I can. I will be the first to admit I can be the friend that doesn't make an effort, I really have to be alert to the passing of time and force myself to get in touch with people as I am a loner and otherwise would find that 3 months have gone by and I have not seen anyone. Therefore when I get invited to things, I go. Would entirely understand the people that choose not to do everything they're invited to though.

The only thing that I have said no to recently is to attending my friend's baptism. I politely declined as I would have been very uncomfortable and also a complete hypocrite if I had had to congratulate or look happy for her. I gather she understood as she never mentioned it again and has been her usual lovely self but our mutual friend who is a lot more in your face about such things and loves a bit of drama was not impressed with me. Oh well!

simple_but_sweet

This used to really bug me, simply because I am that friend that always did what everyone asked me to do and then was let down.

Recently though it bugged me that much, that i've started to only suit myself and as selfish as it sounds I simply don't care. Too many times i've been let down by my friends saying they'll do this or they'll do that with / for me, and then back out closer to the time. Although it annoys me at the time and I do tend to get angry but once i've calmed down I understand they've their own lives.

(I'm feeling rather two faced with that comment above, so I really have to stress that my friends really are the nicest people I know and I think the world of them and although some of them may let me down on the small things like nights out etc they're all there for me when I really need them!)

pigpen

I'm another with christmas birthday and I have never even been out on my birthday and am 40 this year. I always said I would organise my own party for my 40th.. but I think I might just not bother because noone would come anyway and I have 3 friends and only 1 lives locally.. so fairly pointless really.

I don't go anywhere I don't want to or do anything I don't want to.. I do I guess go to OH's parents once a month but the girls would never see their grandparents if I didn't and I want them to know them so I make a small sacrifice for my children.. but I have missed weddings (my sisters) and many many birthday parties and lots of funerals.. I do have the decency to decline an invitation though I would never say yes I'll come then not turn up.. apart from the dentist maybe??

Ladyhawk

I'm another who has been let down on her birthday but mine is in September. It was my 21st and the shame and humiliation still burns through me. Long story how it came to be a disaster. But the lesson is... Don't just have a party cos expected - have one because you want to!

I tend to do things for friends unless I really really don't want to do it. An ex friend of mine (who was earning £500 a day- how obscene) used to joke about singing New Kids on the Block songs when she got drunk. I loved then when I was 11/12. So when they came to London I asked if she fancied going. I thought it would be a silly, fun night out because we could sing along to all the words and dance like mad things.. She said no, cos she couldn't afford it. What a slap in the face.

FBaby

My issue is not so much with different interests, but the fact that I am often completely exhausted and the prospect of going out just sends me to tears. It's really frustrating because I'll sign up to doing things with friends because I really want to do it, but by the time the day comes, I start getting all stressed because I'm so knackered all I want to do is stay home and vegetate. I then have the dilemma of either forcing myself and I therefore feel resentful (sometimes I enjoy it after all, but at times I really feel I would rather be home), or I cancel and feel dreadfully guilty.