Inappropriate Topics at Guides

cte1111

My daughter is 10 and has recently moved up from Brownies, which she loved, to Guides. Her school friend moved up at the same time and they know most of the Guides from Brownies previously.

I know my daughter's friend hasn't been that keen on Guides but my daughter seemed quite happy, although she has said that the others girls do misbehave.

The week before last, the topic that they were discussing was "What makes a good boy or girlfriend". I was a bit surprised, as although I think this is a good topic for a 13 or 14 year old, it seems too old for my daughter who is 10 and not even in her last year of primary school.

I talked to her friend's Mum today. She was also concerned about the topics, as apparently they also have been discussing rape. Neither of us thought this was appropriate for such young children, or maybe even for any children to be told about, other than with their parents' consent and guidance.

Just wondered what other people thought, I like to think I'm fairly relaxed as a parent, but I've not even told my daughter about sex really yet, just a bit about periods etc, so don't really expect other adults to be telling her about sexual violence.

meritaten

I tend to avoid these sort of discussions as I am nearly sixty now and think perhaps I am getting a bit 'old-fashioned'. so I wont give MY views but just address the fact that YOU are concerned.
Talk to the person in charge and tell them your concerns - ask at what age they deem certain topics appropriate for the guides. are the guides all in one group or are certain groups divided into age for topics?
If, as a much younger person than me, you are concerned your daughter is too young for these sort of discussions - then I think you would be fully entitled to raise these concerns with the Guide leaders - sorry, I dont know the correct terminology for them - was never even a Brownie, never mind a Guide!

shell_girl

The best thing you can do if you are concerned is to contact the unit leader and ask them for more information.

Your post doesn't make it clear if it was a leader 'led' discussion, or if a few of the girls were talking together, or if there was a topic that was introduced by the leader and then was taken in a particular direction by the guides.

Once you know a bit more about it, you're in a better position to know whether it's inappropriate or not.

Cherry_Bomb

Well my personal opinion is that there's nothing wrong with discussing what a healthy relationship is (what makes a good boyfriend/ girlfriend) even at an early age.

I also have no problem with discussions surrounding rape and sexual assault providing the audience are going to get some sort of benefit out of it. I don't personally believe a 10 year old would benefit from knowing. A 14 year old yes. Absolutely but not 10.

I would definitely discuss your concerns with whoever a in charge. How do they come up with these topics anyway?

Corelli

I personally don't have issues with discussions about sexual issues with youngsters, pre puberty I mean, but it depends how it is handled. As you you have concerns OP you have every right to raise them with the leaders. Perhaps from a point of view of ...' this is how my daughter interpreted the session, how was it meant to be presented and received?'.

For what it's worth, I found having discussions with my now adult and nearly adult offspring, it was far easier to talk about such issues as safe sex, respect for one's partners, sex in context of a loving relationship, pregnancy possibilities etc before the teenage hormones hit. At that stage it would be far too embarassing for them to talk about such things with me, or so it seemed. As for exact details of what possibilities of who does what to whom, that is for them to find out with their partners, apart from what is technically necessary for conception. Except we did enjoy Mummy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole which is a very light hearted looks at reproduction. Some people disaprove of it intensely, others approve intensely, sex is a subject that seems to get very polarised views. IMHO.

GeckoGirl1985

Considering that more and more girls are starting their periods at younger ages than ever before (I was 10!) I would be concerned about a young person that age not knowing all the facts about how their bodies work. After all, trying to slow down their minds and sexualities from developing by not telling them isn't going to slow down how their bodies develop.

I agree with Cherry_Bomb that it is good for young people to be able to talk about and develop a sturdy internalised picture of what a good, healthy relationship is. I think it helps them to prepare themselves and develop their own set of standards as to what a good relationship would be like before they are hit full-on with all the politics, b!tchyness, bullying and flirting they inevitably get as soon as they reach secondary school.

Also (and this is again just my opinion) I would not be concerned if my daughter came home and told me they had been discussing rape. Of course it isn't a pleasant thing at all, but again it is something that, sadly these days, young people need to be aware of - not only that it happens, but what the risks are and how young people may defend and protect themselves from becoming victims. After all, saying that a 10 year old doesn't need to know about rape isn't going to stop 10 year olds being raped, and at least if they have some knowledge of what to do if (god forbid) a young girl found herself in that situation and how to get immediate help, then surely this can't be a bad thing?

Case in point; in her first week at secondary school my niece had a class on physical attacks and rape as part of their social studies, which included a self defense class with a martial arts instructor and information from a police officer on what to do if they are attacked, plus some role playing activities about how to support a friend and help them to contact the police if they have been attacked. We talked about this afterwards, and she said that while she found it a bit scary that thing like this do happen, that she was glad she knew and felt more confident in how she can now protect herself and make safe and sensible decisions to promote her own safety.

cte1111

I have explained about periods to my daughter and she has a book about growing up, which is aimed at pre-pubescent girls and explains about puberty in terms they understand. She chose it as a bedtime book the other day and we talked about one of the topics.

So I feel that I have prepared her for the changes that are coming to her body and the impact on her emotionally, partly because she has always been the tallest in her class so I am aware that she may well start her periods early.

The boyfriend topic was what the whole group was discussing and working on together. My daughter didn't mention that they had also talked about rape, but evidently her friend had brought it up later to her Mum, perhaps because she was confused about it herself.

It's interesting hearing other people's views. I will talk to the Guide leaders, I can't find the number currently, I'll find it and try and speak to them before the next session.

My daughter says she doesn't want to go to Guides now, which is a real shame as she loved Brownies, particularly all the activities, e.g. playing games, camping, art and crafts, celebrations of different events and religions, etc. And from an MSE angle, I've just spend over £50 on subs and £35 on uniform!

meritaten

cte1111 wrote: »

I have explained about periods to my daughter and she has a book about growing up, which is aimed at pre-pubescent girls and explains about puberty in terms they understand. She chose it as a bedtime book the other day and we talked about one of the topics.

So I feel that I have prepared her for the changes that are coming to her body and the impact on her emotionally, partly because she has always been the tallest in her class so I am aware that she may well start her periods early.

The boyfriend topic was what the whole group was discussing and working on together. My daughter didn't mention that they had also talked about rape, but evidently her friend had brought it up later to her Mum, perhaps because she was confused about it herself.

It's interesting hearing other people's views. I will talk to the Guide leaders, I can't find the number currently, I'll find it and try and speak to them before the next session.

My daughter says she doesn't want to go to Guides now, which is a real shame as she loved Brownies, particularly all the activities, e.g. playing games, camping, art and crafts, celebrations of different events and religions, etc. And from an MSE angle, I've just spend over £50 on subs and £35 on uniform!

Why OP? what has disturbed her? if she didnt mention the discussion on rape then perhaps its that? and you would really need to talk about it with her. It may have confused, upset and/or frightened her. She may need reassurance that it IS a rare event!
My dd would talk about anything and everything - it was when she clammed up I got worried!
leaving aside the money - an activity she previously loved she doesnt want to do, you need to find out why.

cte1111

She says they don't do much and that she and her friend are left out. She does talk to me a lot in general about whatever worries her. That's why I went to talk to her friend's Mum, as I thought one or both of us should have a chat with the leader and ask them to make an extra effort to ensure that the new girls were included.

It was then that the other Mum brought up the question of not being entirely happy with the topics and that her daughter had told her they'd talked about rape.

I'd already had a chat to my Mum (who used to teach at secondary school including PSE) about the boyfriend topic, we agreed that it was probably more appropriate to older girls, and that it was difficult to cater for the 10-14 age group as they had quite differing needs in some ways. My daughter is in year 5, she's still quite a little girl in many ways, playing with dolls and teddies.

meritaten

I can see you are worried hun - I would be too - perhaps this group of guides is not the right group for your DD (and her friend). I dont know what to suggest as I was never into these sort of things and neither was DD.
perhaps an after school craft club or drama group? In your shoes I would be inclined to cut my losses and offer the uniform through ebay and get my DD into something she is happier with?

cte1111

meritaten wrote: »

I can see you are worried hun - I would be too - perhaps this group of guides is not the right group for your DD (and her friend). I dont know what to suggest as I was never into these sort of things and neither was DD.
perhaps an after school craft club or drama group? In your shoes I would be inclined to cut my losses and offer the uniform through ebay and get my DD into something she is happier with?

Yes I was joking (mainly) about the uniform etc. I feel a bit sad really, she loved going camping and they did so many great activities at Brownies, I presumed she would go on having fun with her friends at Guides.