Office politics - point scoring!

flashnazia

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

A manager might not have to intervene. Asking the manager how the OP should play this means that the manager can manage it properly without it looking like the OP has been telling tales.

I partly agree. This is what I would do:

I would do what op suggested: if I walked in and she was talking about me I would say 'I thought my ears were burning!' Then stop smiling and ask nicely 'can we can have a word about this?'

Afterwards I would tell manager about the situation and say I am handling it but wanted to run it by them (ask about assertiveness training, as suggested by op, too). This solution-focused approach should go down well but also ask manager if this is ok.

Above all control all emotions. This is important. Emotion is a hindrance in these sorts of situations. Don't take this woman's behavior personally; don't get angry, or upset. Most likely she is acting like this not to hurt you but to protect herself.

marisco_2

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

the manager told her that I had dealt with it effectively hence not really sure why he was getting told etc.

I physically sit very close to this woman, and I know that she watches what I am up to, listens in on phone calls etc instead of doing her actual work.

Any ideas how I can handle this?

It is horrible to be in this position with a colleague. However your manager put her in her place when she was trying to cause trouble. He told her that you had dealt with the work effectively and questioned why she was telling him. She has shot herself in the foot and made him aware of how unprofessional she is being.

He may not understand how often this is happening or how she is doing this. Go and speak to him. Remind him of the incident you have told us about and say that this behaviour is constant and you feel constantly criticised and undermined by her. Ask him what he is going to do to prevent any further conduct of this kind from this lady.

If she isn't told to refrain from doing this, she may not just stop at listening into your calls, but join in with them. This happened to me many years ago with one of my colleagues. I kid you not!!!!

pickledonionspaceraider

Part of me is very much afraid to be seen as a whiner. I had always hoped, in time, to gain some kind of promotion within the company, and feel that being seen as a whinger, might not be a good place to put myself.

Another thing is, the manager does not work on the same site as us..he works around 40 miles away and only pops in for one afternoon per fortnight, which doesn't help matters as he doesn't see it first hand - as she does act very different when managers are around. She is very careful to be seen to be going above and beyond when the manager IS there, working through lunch, staying late until he leaves etc.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Part of me is very much afraid to be seen as a whiner. I had always hoped, in time, to gain some kind of promotion within the company, and feel that being seen as a whinger, might not be a good place to put myself.

Another thing is, the manager does not work on the same site as us..he works around 40 miles away and only pops in for one afternoon per fortnight, which doesn't help matters as he doesn't see it first hand - as she does act very different when managers are around. She is very careful to be seen to be going above and beyond when the manager IS there, working through lunch, staying late until he leaves etc.

So even more important that you seek his advice on how to handle it. Remember, you aren't whingeing, you are seeking his advice because he is the manager and you want his expertise on the matter. Who in life doesn't want people thinking they are big and clever and able to advise them?

Joons

Ok, so you play her at her own game, don't stand for it, next time she's slagging you off, confront her, have an answer for everything, give her those long stares.....she'll give up eventually, it's jealousy, pure and simple, or she's after your job!

suki1001

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Part of me is very much afraid to be seen as a whiner. I had always hoped, in time, to gain some kind of promotion within the company, and feel that being seen as a whinger, might not be a good place to put myself.

Another thing is, the manager does not work on the same site as us..he works around 40 miles away and only pops in for one afternoon per fortnight, which doesn't help matters as he doesn't see it first hand - as she does act very different when managers are around. She is very careful to be seen to be going above and beyond when the manager IS there, working through lunch, staying late until he leaves etc.

If she's seen to be going above and beyond when he's there, the figures aren't going to stack up if she seems to be frequently behind with her work - as has been noticed.

I think the manager will be very interested to hear what you say and will probably thank you for keeping him in the loop. It's not whinging as FBR says. He's not going to be that aware if there is any disharmony - the only way he's going to find that out is if you tell him.

Furthermore - it sounds like he already has a good idea of what this employee is like, I think you will be just clarifying it to him - don't suffer in silence.

Reggie256

flashnazia wrote: »

What's the guarantee that a manager's intervention won't be met with more manipulation?

And that's assuming that the manager even cares.

I went through something VERY similar to what the OP is experiencing a few years back. Thankfully, the idiot in question thought she was too good to work in a reception office (which always begged the question why she even applied for the post, since it was made clear from the onset that the post involved working in a reception office) and left.

Saying that, looking back, it was an extremely miserable time. People like the idiot I refer to have a way of manipulating everyone. More or less everyone else thought she was wonderful - she was, of course, as nice as ninepence whenever they were around; the epitome of a master boot-licker.

What was worse though was that our manager was sufficently gullible that she fell for the act too. There, therefore, wasn't any point in complaining - it was a true no-win scenario. Our manager of the time wasn't a particularly sympathetic person in herself, and so far as she was concerned the idiot was doing her job and doing it well. The one attempt I made at addressing the problem failed very quickly, with manager saying "she's ambitious" in a manner than indicated that the idiot was more worthwhile than me.

3v3

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

...
Sorry, but you are being a little sensitive over the age thing, I am just merely giving facts as looking for some help. To be honest I would probably find it easier to deal with if it were someone my own age as I was always taught to respect my elders.

I'm not sensitive to your age comments; I think you have misunderstood why I suggested you reflect on it.

But, having made the suggestion, it has brought out where some problems lie.

You say that you have been brought up to respect your elders (hopefully, we all were ) but, that is while you were being brought up (e.g. a child).

You are now an adult in the workplace trying to rub along with other adults in the workplace. It would seem her age is a barrier to you in finding a solution to this problem because, as you admit, if it was someone your own age you would find it easier to deal with.

That suggests that you would feel more "confident" in dealing with it if the person was the same age. But, take "age" out of the equation and just think another "adult" and you may find that you can handle her behaviour better.

There is a difference between 'respecting' your elders and being intimidated by them based simple on the fact they are older. Irrespective of her age, her behaviour (as you describe it) does seem petty and somewhat childish.

The simple fact is, there are people in the workplace of all ages, cultures, gender who will behave like this woman. It's a human condition and not age related. But, by your own admission, her age is proving a barrier to you on how you handle it.

With that in mind, and your admission you would be able to handle it if she were the same age as you: how would you deal with it? Because that may well be the answer you are looking for

suki1001

3v3 wrote: »

I'm not sensitive to your age comments; I think you have misunderstood why I suggested you reflect on it.

But, having made the suggestion, it has brought out where some problems lie.

You say that you have been brought up to respect your elders (hopefully, we all were ) but, that is while you were being brought up (e.g. a child).

You are now an adult in the workplace trying to rub along with other adults in the workplace. It would seem her age is a barrier to you in finding a solution to this problem because, as you admit, if it was someone your own age you would find it easier to deal with.

That suggests that you would feel more "confident" in dealing with it if the person was the same age. But, take "age" out of the equation and just think another "adult" and you may find that you can handle her behaviour better.

There is a difference between 'respecting' your elders and being intimidated by them based simple on the fact they are older. Irrespective of her age, her behaviour (as you describe it) does seem petty and somewhat childish.

The simple fact is, there are people in the workplace of all ages, cultures, gender who will behave like this woman. It's a human condition and not age related. But, by your own admission, her age is proving a barrier to you on how you handle it.

With that in mind, and your admission you would be able to handle it if she were the same age as you: how would you deal with it? Because that may well be the answer you are looking for

I don't think it's neccessarily the age thing per say. I think the op probably feels intimidated by this woman, because she is more confident/sure of herself/been in the workplace for longer - all which come with age. So she has the confidence to speak out and moan about things that she thinks are wrong, even if she's not right! I suspect it's the whole package that this other person brings to the table, rather than her actual age - a bit like dealing with a teacher who's been in the job for years compared to one who's just started. You often get it in many jobs, where someone's been there for years - they're part of the furniture and often because they almost own the place there's an almost !!!!! like tendency to manage the place. My mother was a teacher for years and when she moved jobs, there could be some frightful teaching assistants, simply because they'd been there for so long.

bagpussbear

what a horrible colleague, such a shame when one person upsets what could otherwise be a good team, or environment.

I was going to suggest going to your manager and asking to move seats, which would give you a good opportunity to raise the problem because your manager would obviously ask why - however I've just read that you would be in very close location to her even if you did.

Please don't leave your job because of this woman, give yourself every opportunity to try and get this resolved.

It's difficult to manage confrontation, but sometimes things must be said in order for things to change.

Has anyone else in the office commented as to how she speaks to you, or anything that's happened? Is your manager located anywhere near to where you sit? I ask in case they might have witnessed anything that she said to you?

I would have a word with your manager in the first instance, and see if they can suggest anything that might help, or the way forward. You HAVE to say something, you'll get more and more upset, angry, resentful etc until you do. Wish you luck OP.