Office politics - point scoring!

SuzieSue

suki1001 wrote: »

It's awful when your job becomes miserable because of one person. Rather than skirting around the edges or hinting, I think your manager needs to know how difficult you are finding the situation.

Are they aware it's getting you so down, that you feel like leaving? Do you think they'd be happy to lose a hard working and reliable member of staff?

I think they'd like to know and I think you need to be completely open with them. If you find her difficult, the chances are other people may feel the same way - but perhaps no-one feels like they should say anything.

It does sound like they are fully aware of what she's like, but they need to know it's causing you a problem and exactly how much it's affecting you. If your work load doesn't directly affect her, then how you're working is none of her business anyway.

Good luck with the situation.

Totally agree with this. If it's got to the stage where you dread going in to work and are thinking of resigning then you need to speak to your manager. You don't need to tell them that you are thinking of resigning but you need to ensure that they realise that this woman is making your life a misery.

Your manager probably knows that there is a problem but doesn't realise how serious it is and I don't think you want him to know, but you must.

I think asking for assertiveness training is a very good idea and at the same time, you should tell them why you are asking so that they know that there is a problem and that you are doing something about it. But you also need their help in dealing with this woman.

flashnazia

getmore4less wrote: »

If you start the course you propose expect to get a bullying grievence against you.

This is a management problem.

I have to disagree.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being assertive. In fact, IMHO, a lot of the world's problems could be prevented if people could be a bit more assertive. I don't mean aggressive.

Op you have three choices:

Leave

Go and complain to your manager and risk appearing like a whiner in the process. Many managers CBA with these 'niggles' and would prefer you to deal with it yourself. It may be that they dislike this employee as much as you do but feel powerless to deal with her.

Be assertive and deal with the situation without going too far. This is what I recommend. This is more likely to change her behaviour if you choose your words carefully and do it right. Good luck.

sassyblue

I think you've dealt with her very well so far OP, she's a b*tch and you haven't given her any ammunition to make your life harder, well done you.

That said l would carry on as you are regards her, just staring her out will work wonders, you know the 'l know what you're doing' look

Definitely have a word with your management, but it sounds like they've got the measure of her already.

You are stronger than you think, imagine yourself wearing a suit of armour which her digs cannot penetrate.

I work with someone like this and I am their boss! I know he does it though because he likes to think he is richer than anyone and is cleverer than everyone, but the facts are that he isn't and it rankles with him. Ultimately he is insecure and I'm not interested, l just laugh at him, he's like a little jack Russell snapping at people's heels, what a waste of energy! Btw, l need his skills but I'd replace him in a heartbeat if l could, l suspect he knows this too.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

flashnazia wrote: »

I have to disagree.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being assertive. In fact, IMHO, a lot of the world's problems could be prevented if people could be a bit more assertive. I don't mean aggressive.

Op you have three choices:

Leave

Go and complain to your manager and risk appearing like a whiner in the process. Many managers CBA with these 'niggles' and would prefer you to deal with it yourself. It may be that they dislike this employee as much as you do but feel powerless to deal with her.

Be assertive and deal with the situation without going too far. This is what I recommend. This is more likely to change her behaviour if you choose your words carefully and do it right. Good luck.

4 - speak to your manager and ask them how they want you to play it. As already mentioned. The OP already has the woman complaining about them - any more sarky comments and she's going to be up with a grievance. Sometimes you just have to let managers manage.

flashnazia

I'm not usually a fan of self-help book but this book is good (ignore the naff title):



Excerpt (copied from an Amazon review):

I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person independent of any roles that I may assume in my life
I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent capable and equal human being
I have the right to express my feelings
I have the right to express my opinions and values
I have the right to say "yes" or "no" for myself
I have the right to make mistakes
I have the right to change my mind
I have the right to say I don't understand
I have the right to have the right to ask for what I want
I have the right to decline responsibility for other people's problems
I have the right to deal with others without being dependent on them for approval


Passive - giving up my rights
Aggressive - forcing others to give up their rights
Indirect - manipulating others to get what I want
Assertive - Ensuring that my rights are respected as well as respecting the rights of others

ska_lover

sassyblue wrote: »

I think you've dealt with her very well so far OP, she's a b*tch and you haven't given her any ammunition to make your life harder, well done you.

That said l would carry on as you are regards her, just staring her out will work wonders, you know the 'l know what you're doing' look

Definitely have a word with your management, but it sounds like they've got the measure of her already.

You are stronger than you think, imagine yourself wearing a suit of armour which her digs cannot penetrate.

I work with someone like this and I am their boss! I know he does it though because he likes to think he is richer than anyone and is cleverer than everyone, but the facts are that he isn't and it rankles with him. Ultimately he is insecure and I'm not interested, l just laugh at him, he's like a little jack Russell snapping at people's heels, what a waste of energy! Btw, l need his skills but I'd replace him in a heartbeat if l could, l suspect he knows this too.

Thanks for this, its reassuring that I am not the only one working with someone like this, sounds like you handle it brilliantly and not give him the attention he craves

sassyblue

ska_lover wrote: »

Thanks for this, its reassuring that I am not the only one working with someone like this, sounds like you handle it brilliantly and not give him the attention he craves

Thank ska lover, it doesn't feel like I'm handling it brilliantly sometimes, I'd love to tell him what l think and fire him :j but as l say l need his skills, in the meantime I ignore his attention seeking - I do know my failure to rise to the bait must annoy him, the pleasure is all mine. I have dignity!

IMO, once you work out WHY these people act the way they do you can deal with them better and they don't bother me now, plus ignoring their comments drives them crazy, imagine making all that effort to irritate someone and get nowhere? :rotfl:

getmore4less

flashnazia wrote: »

I have to disagree.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being assertive. In fact, IMHO, a lot of the world's problems could be prevented if people could be a bit more assertive. I don't mean aggressive.

This person is much more skilled at this workplace manipulation than the OP.

As it turns out they have allready been complaining I would expect any assertive approach to backfire.

flashnazia

getmore4less wrote: »

This person is much more skilled at this workplace manipulation than the OP.

As it turns out they have allready been complaining I would expect any assertive approach to backfire.

What's the guarantee that a manager's intervention won't be met with more manipulation?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

flashnazia wrote: »

What's the guarantee that a manager's intervention won't be met with more manipulation?

A manager might not have to intervene. Asking the manager how the OP should play this means that the manager can manage it properly without it looking like the OP has been telling tales.