Feeling so sad, my poor old boy seems to be nearing the end of his life

jackieblack

I just need to share with someone who might understand how I'm feeling.

Took my beautiful cat to the V.E.T. yesterday as he hasn't been himself for a few days..............

We think he's 19, he was a stray who adopted us more than 18 years ago and, like any old man, he's developed a few problems over the last few years, but he's been eating ok ( until a few days ago) and seemed happy/content.

He's got arthritis in his spine, a heart murmur, not many teeth, his eyesight's not brilliant and he's a bit deaf. His kidneys aren't functioning 100% and are enlarged and he's been gradually losing weight for the last few years - he's quite bony now. He can't groom himself very well anymore (apart from his head & face) and doesn't like to be brushed (although I do what I can, when he lets me) so his coat has seen better days, and he's had several bouts of conjunctivitis since last summer.

I took him for his annual booster 2 weeks ago and, during his check-up, the Vet found 'a mass' in his abdomen. After discussing the possible various causes and relevant possible treatments and their relative merits to a cat of his age/general health, we decided it was best to just keep an eye on him and see how he got on, but if he lost his appetite to take him back.

Now he quite often has a day when he doesn't eat much at home, usually I find out he's sneaked round to my neighbour and eaten there and/or he makes up for it by eating me out of house & home the next day, but he had only been picking at his food since Monday and my neighbour said he'd only done the same at hers. He has also been really unsettled for a couple of days, just wandering around and not settling, and also extra 'cuddly', he usually only likes to be fussed for a short time and then takes himself off to his bed. Then yesterday my daughter noticed his 3rd eyelid was up in one of his eyes. He just didn't seem to be himself, he looked like he felt rubbish and he looked sad.

So I rang the vet and took him down. The vet checked him over and his temperature was low and he was dehydrated. She gave him a steroid injection, to try and increase his appetite, and some fluid to help re-hydrate him, but I think that is really only to buy us a few days to come to terms with the decision that no-one wants to have to make.

My head knows it's the kindest thing to do, I know he's had a good life with us and he's been well looked after. He chose us in the first place, and he chose to stay with us for more than 18 years (and two house moves) so I like to think he's been happy. I know 19 is a good age and that no-one is immortal.

But I still feel so sad. I've been in tears, on and off, since the vets, even though I was expecting her to say what she said, and I hardly slept last night.
He's been my little furry boy for longer than we've had our daughter - she's never known a time without him.

My head knows that I know I'll 'come to terms' with it, because I have to.
Not making my broken heart feel any easier at the moment though........

lemontart

Hugs to you - may the passing be pain free for your baby and the pain you feel at it ease soon to be replaced by just smiles at the memories you made with him.

lisajane8482

I am so sorry, I really don't know what else to say but I didn't want to read and run (((hugs)))

sophieschoice

Our boy (only 11) was PTS 4th July 2010 with bowel cancer. He was at the vet for investigative surgery when she rang to tell us and ask what should we do? I discussed it with OH and we agreed for him to be PTS while he was already unconscious. When I rang the vet to tell her she said 'he is desperately ill and you are doing the right thing'.
One of our other cats, girl this time, is in the vets right now also undergoing investigative surgery (waiting for the phone call) hence the conversation OH and I had earlier today about whether we should have gone for invasive surgery, chemotherapy etc for our boy (cost was not a factor) but how do you explain to a poorly cat about all those procedures and what if they hadn't worked? More pain for nothing.
We had an individual cremation, brought his ashes home and buried them under his favourite sleeping place outside with a little plaque to mark the spot.
I feel for you.

jackieblack

Thank you, all

sophieschoice, I hope the 'phone call you're waiting for brings good news

sophieschoice

Thank you so much.
Girl back from Vets now and tooth removed, teeth cleaned, bloods taken and biopsy done. Injections given and vet hopeful it is some kind of infection rather than a dreaded tumour.
I hope you are coming to terms in making that saddest of decisions.

meritaten

your post made me cry - and I dont cry easily.
I had a lovely cat who was FIV and every vets visit brought the words 'I dont expect him to last more than a couple more weeks'! well he lasted more than three years! everyone adored him and his last few days were almost more than I could bear. I knew I had to take him to the vets for the final time...........but, at the same time I wanted to hang on to him - I loved him so much! in the end I couldnt delay any longer and rang the vets to say I was fetching him in and why (the receptionists and nurses knew him well). unfortunately the vets had just changed hands and I got a strange vet who proceeded to tell me off as Nicki was looking so bad - the nurse had a quiet word with vet while I sobbed - it wasnt the end I wanted for him. with people he knew and trusted and me all calm. bless him - he was his usual affectionate self and tried to comfort ME!
IF this is the final day or night hun - then for HIS sake please ring and make the appointment. Yes it is devastating - but, its even worse if you let it go on too long and you are racked with grief because you realise later they WERE suffering!
My thoughts are with you.

Dollardog

I've just had to go through the pain of having my old dog PTS, its horrible so I know exactly how you are feeling. My heart goes out to you but I am sure you will make the right decision.
You have to remember that he chose you to stay with and you gave him a good life, he knew he was loved. One day you will be able to look back with happy memories.

southcoastrgi

i feel so sorry for you i'm looking at my oldest one now & i can see he is wondering why i have tears rolling down my face, try & be strong & you have to do the best thing for him however much it hurts.

hethmar

I sometimes think the days/weeks/months leading up to making the decision are worse than actually letting them go with dignity. I really feel sad for you, but he has had a wonderful long life by the sounds of it and you should be pleased you have given him all that love.

Thinking of you x

whichwhydoIturn

I had to let my handsome Tommy Gun go to pain free sleep at the young age of 8.He was my loyal mate who many a night I'd cry on.
He had a mass in his chest and I held him and told him how much I loved him and thanked him for being my kitten boy .
Months on , I can't forget how much I miss him,I can't pull my front room blind down as he would sit and 'guard' the house for me .
I know in my true heart it was kind for Tommy not too suffer, but for me and his Brother Jerry Boy, its the saddest time still.
Tell you big boy you need him to rest now , thank him for his love and hold him as he goes to sleep, oh gosh they are heartbreakers in fluff
Big hug xxx