oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

EssexHebridean

Oh MiMi - well done and thank you for updating us - what a wonderful feel-good follow up! 

Naomim

I have spent the whole day reading your thread, between bouts of work. 

What ups and downs you had but thrilled you seem to be in a great place now. Well done 👏

Naomim 

MiMi66

I have just read back through my own discussion thread - what a lot of fantastic advice I have had since 2013..... and things I need to refresh and use again.
The things that have worked for me - No Spend Days and on some occasions several in a row (never made it to a week).
Saying no - to myself and to others.  Kindly but firmly.
Recognition of my limitations.
Recognition that I am not alone in having this experience.
Pay it back - in small amounts and in larger bits - but keep paying it back.
Live a smaller life - smaller footprint, but without losing the happy factor.
Deal assertively with FOMO ( I have suffered this a lot - Fear of Missing Out.) - see the ridiculousness of it and be my own best caretaker/parent.
Do not subscribe to anything that is indulgent or frivolous - make sure of the value of choices - that they are money worth spent.
Let go of things - still working on this.

I am to never be in debt again - I owe it to myself, my children and my partner. 

I would be struggling still if not for having added the big debt to my mortgage and my partner helping.  I am not deluding myself that I have paid every penny back my self at this point. But I am going to retire from the NHS (March 2022 - so burnt out) and my lump sum will cover the mortgage and I may have enough to get a little car as well.  What I am spectacularly pleased about is that over the past 5 months I have accrued no debt - and my mortgage continues to be paid down. £0 on my credit card (singular). Having a partner - living in - means I am not needing to do the amount of overtime that I was doing (that was killing me I think - certainly my health had paid a price).  Having a partner who is kind and loving and tolerant of the parts of me that aren't perfect is just so so wonderful.
 
I read a post of mine from 2013 where my fridge had died suddenly and I replaced it with a new mid range priced fridge - this fridge has just been replaced (it thought it had grown up to be a freezer and froze food regularly) - I replaced it - with a good second hand Liebherr larder fridge - £180 - right size for the space - 18 months old and very very nice - better in fact.  Letting go of old ideas that white goods needed to be new in order to get the best value has helped.  

My partner is very environmentally conscious and a man who is more happy always with second hand reused items than buying something from a new production line - it has been good for me to see and be with someone living successfully like that.  He is a generous man with his love and approach to life and gosh that has been a blessing for me to be around.  

I am going to work after March - hopefully part time in the NHS, and also with a little private mental health training company.  My salary will be less than now, but the mortgage will be dealt with, the lovely children are almost independent, and I am looking forward to life in a new way - a bit more time (so valuable), some travel, my partner has a rather dilapidated van but it is full of character, so trips away in that, casual work - and always an eye to ensuring no debt, and that income exceeds outgoings, that is a magical logical bit of maths isn't it :-)

I hope everyone is enjoying sunshine today - I am going to head out for a walk. :-)

EssexHebridean

And THIS is why we put time in here helping, explaining and encouraging folk to find their way out of debt.  I wish more people would return and update like this - it's so nice to hear how things are going! 

moving_forward

I have binge read your thread and had to reach out of my hidey hole to say what a marvellous human being you are. So please you have met your sole mate it took me over ten years of flicking between dating wrong un's and then being alone learning to love me before I met mine. When you meet someone who aligns with your values it really does make a huge difference. Congrats on the engagement and good luck for your future x

Naomim

Sorry to hijack your post @MiMi66 but wanted to 👋 @moving_forward who has jumped out of lurkdom.🙂

MiMi66

moving_forward said:

I have binge read your thread and had to reach out of my hidey hole to say what a marvellous human being you are. So please you have met your sole mate it took me over ten years of flicking between dating wrong un's and then being alone learning to love me before I met mine. When you meet someone who aligns with your values it really does make a huge difference. Congrats on the engagement and good luck for your future x

Thank you so much @moving_forward (outed from 'lurkdom' - love it), @EssexHebridean and @Naomin and all the others who are reading in and catching up with me - really gives a good feeling to know that my journey has been of value, some shared experience and hopefully humour, or at least a rye grimace of identification. 

Good to come up for air isn't it.  I hope anyone reading these sorts of things for the first time, perhaps in a difficult space right now can find some comfort in the wisdom others have shared with me.

moving_forward

Naomim said:

Sorry to hijack your post @MiMi66 but wanted to 👋 @moving_forward who has jumped out of lurkdom.🙂

Hello @Naomim **waves** who said anything about jumping?? sneaking more like none of that jumpyness over this way 

moving_forward

MiMi66 said:

Good to come up for air isn't it.  I hope anyone reading these sorts of things for the first time, perhaps in a difficult space right now can find some comfort in the wisdom others have shared with me.

It is a 3 types removed kinda family on here got to admit it.  The support given freely is a massive help isn't it.  I too suffer with GAD and the big D and am scared to even think about coming off the meds (happy pills I like to call em). It helps immensely to see others with the same situations (a lot with a lot worse to be honest) than ourselves and how they all keep fighting and come out on top.  They do say mental health issues have alot to do with our debty ways but its not a get out of jail free card and your story shows that x

dawnybabes

We.come back 😀😀