Possible wedding bells but now i'm panicking!

sterl1ng

Bf of well over 3yrs told me last week he had the 'marriage' chat with his parents when he was visiting them. He told them he was looking at this as that's what we both want. When he told me that I was flabbergasted as I hadn't realised our relationship was such topic of convo, then his mother had gone on about wanting grandkids whilst she was alive. Its like everything that I wish for is slowly becoming more a reality and yet I find myself panicking! I have to admit I feel more close to OH and happy he's finally thinking about it but obviously he hasn't asked me yet but food for thought as to how I plan things!

I've never dreamt of big weddings and just want something small in registry office with just imeediate family and friends then dinner somewhere (i'd rather our money go to deposit). I'm happy for OH's extended family to join in our celebrations but I've had problems with my own extended family and honestly I wouldnt' want them there but problem is, if I don't invite them it will upset my parents so I don't know what I should do if I start to mentally plan things.

PoorCharleyBear

Maybe you need to nudge him into actually asking.
My H was like this- he skirted around the subject but did not want to ask in case I said 'no'.

Some guys are scaredy cats.
Once he/you ask directly, you can then start worry about the actual wedding planning...

GlasweJen

I'm getting married abroad, that way I can invite extended family knowing that they won't shell out to come!

19lottie82

sterl1ng wrote: »

I've never dreamt of big weddings and just want something small in registry office with just imeediate family and friends then dinner somewhere (i'd rather our money go to deposit). I'm happy for OH's extended family to join in our celebrations but I've had problems with my own extended family and honestly I wouldnt' want them there but problem is, if I don't invite them it will upset my parents so I don't know what I should do if I start to mentally plan things.

OP, I am EXACTLY the same! I hope to get married to my OH next year, but the thought of a big do just fills me with dread. Mainyl becasue of family issues (my parents are divorced, hate each others guts, and I have quite alarge step family through my dad that i would like to be there, but don't know how my mum would react), plus, like yourself, cost - seems a waste IMO, i'd rather spend it on the house or on a nice honeymoon!

securityguy

19lottie82 wrote: »

OP, I am EXACTLY the same! I hope to get married to my OH next year, but the thought of a big do just fills me with dread.

So don't have a big do it, then. Fifty quid, or whatever it now is, to get married in a registry office. Take a couple of friends with you as witnesses (or get them off the street). Go and have lunch afterwards in your favourite restaurant, then head off on honeymoon. Total cost of the wedding and meal afterwards will be less than two hundred quid. Anything else is a choice, not something you need to do.

Even if you're being less hardcore than that, you can have twenty people at a registry office and go for lunch afterwards and have change out of five hundred pounds.

sterl1ng

securityguy wrote: »

So don't have a big do it, then. Fifty quid, or whatever it now is, to get married in a registry office. Take a couple of friends with you as witnesses (or get them off the street). Go and have lunch afterwards in your favourite restaurant, then head off on honeymoon. Total cost of the wedding and meal afterwards will be less than two hundred quid. Anything else is a choice, not something you need to do.

Even if you're being less hardcore than that, you can have twenty people at a registry office and go for lunch afterwards and have change out of five hundred pounds.

I looked this up online the other day, its £35 per person then £45 for ceremony at registry office. we have to give 15 days notice too before we can wed. As much as I'd love for us really to both just go to gretna green and elope I know my parents and siblings would be really upset with me so I'm having to consider that too.

j.e.j.

It sounds like you want the marriage but are not so keen on the idea of the wedding. I think I'd be the same, tbh

Tish_P

Go on holiday somewhere with suitably lax laws, get married there, then claim it was a spur of the moment thing and you didn't want to wait another minute. Send happy photos to everyone, so they can't complain without looking like miserable sourpusses. Some friends of mine with difficult families did that and it worked a treat.

Seanymph

Las vegas?

OH and I had the same issue - well, DH now! We did it low key, told everyone we didn't want a fuss and just went by ourselves with the three kids at home and a dress off ebay.

We're just as married as I wast he first time when it cost nearly 20k and he moved out within 6 months!

If we could have afforded it though we'd have gone to Vegas.

Pollycat

sterl1ng wrote: »

Bf of well over 3yrs told me last week he had the 'marriage' chat with his parents when he was visiting them. He told them he was looking at this as that's what we both want. When he told me that I was flabbergasted as I hadn't realised our relationship was such topic of convo, then his mother had gone on about wanting grandkids whilst she was alive. Its like everything that I wish for is slowly becoming more a reality and yet I find myself panicking! I have to admit I feel more close to OH and happy he's finally thinking about it but obviously he hasn't asked me yet but food for thought as to how I plan things!

Do you mean he hsn't asked you to marry him yet?
If he hasn't asked you, it sounds strange (at least to me) that he's had a discussion with his parents about marrying you and come back and told you about that conversation.

If he has asked you - :j.

sterl1ng wrote: »

I've never dreamt of big weddings and just want something small in registry office with just imeediate family and friends then dinner somewhere (i'd rather our money go to deposit). I'm happy for OH's extended family to join in our celebrations but I've had problems with my own extended family and honestly I wouldnt' want them there but problem is, if I don't invite them it will upset my parents so I don't know what I should do if I start to mentally plan things.

I think it could well cause trouble if you invite his extended family but not yours.

Maybe you should discuss with your partner what you both want out of a wedding and when you've agreed between yourselves, then include your parents.

Don't turn into a bridezilla like the one being discussed in this thread though:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4382281

valk_scot

If you've got an understanding that you're going to get married then it's not a question of "him asking you", you're already engaged. It seems like he feels it's happening anyway since he's discussing it with his parents! Maybe that's why he's not done the down on one knee bit, he feels you've already got the understanding?

I would speak to him about this PDQ and if that's not what he meant then I feel you should explain you're a bit miffed about the whole parental discussion being relayed back to you. It's fine to say to your mum and dad that you're planning to ask your girlfriend, it's not so good to recount this conversation to said GF without making sure that she's okay about getting married? Are you sure you've not missed the proposal bit somewhere, possibly he thinks it's already been discussed.

As to a registry wedding + meal out why not, many couples do that. It's your wedding and in my experience it's not the blokes that want the whole posh do, it's the bride + female relatives. If it's going to cause trouble just go somewhere and get married with then hire the local pub and have a party a month later.