Trying for a Baby Part 9

superstupid

Hi, never posted here before but really feel like I want to get this stuff out and can't turn to my friends because I just get the old 'a friend of a friend didn't think she could have kids and then got pregnant out of the blue' kind of stuff. Coming from a good place but so unhelpful!

I was married, we tried for a baby unsuccessfully for about 5 years. Lots of tests, nothing was found to be wrong, we eventually broke up. He got with someone else and she got pregnant while we were still legally married. He didn't even have the decency to tell me himself, I found out through rumours, it was a pretty upsetting time!

Moving on was pretty difficult because how do you get into a relationship with someone when there's a very high possibility you can't have children? You can't bring it up early on without seeming like a crazy person, and if you leave it too late it's a problem.

Anyway, I met someone else, we've been together about a year and a half, and he never wants children so it's been fine. He knows my history but I told him I didn't want children either. I've been telling everyone (and myself) that for over 3 years now. I've basically just been getting on with things, and planning a future without kids in it. It's been fine.

Last night I realised I was 2 weeks late, and talked about it and we worried, went through our calendars to double check and started to panic a bit. I reassured him it was probably just because I've been ill and a bit stressed, and it wasn't anything to worry about.

This morning my period arrived. He's really relieved.

I feel so stupid for getting my hopes up again. I'd managed to just make it a non issue and not think about and then overnight, it's all come back up.

He doesn't know how upset I am, I don't want to tell him particularly but don't know if I can hide it either.

I just wish I hadn't realised how late I was, then it just would've been business as usual.

Not really sure how I'm supposed to bury all the feelings again! It took me months first time round now I've got a couple of hours before he gets in from work

claire16c

Becca that's great it must feel like a weight off your shoulders!

I'm having a pants day today. I'm now 99.99% sure I'm out because I feel really teary so figure its pmt, so then thinking I'm not pregnant makes me feel even sadder and I go round in circles so had a good cry on DH earlier.

Plus later on we're going for a meal with some family friends which would be fine except even though I told him not to my dad stupidly told their 7 year old I was having a baby back around December time - I said to him at the time well if it goes wrong have fun explaining that one!! And then it did. So I'm a bit scared she might ask me something she's got a good memory & is very intelligent. I'm just praying she's forgotten about it.

becca0417

Haha just got in from work & he said I can call him mr super sperm!!

chocgirl_2

OH has had his contract terminated today :-(
Back on the job hunting wagon :-(

fluffnutter

superstupid wrote: »

Hi, never posted here before but really feel like I want to get this stuff out and can't turn to my friends because I just get the old 'a friend of a friend didn't think she could have kids and then got pregnant out of the blue' kind of stuff. Coming from a good place but so unhelpful!

I was married, we tried for a baby unsuccessfully for about 5 years. Lots of tests, nothing was found to be wrong, we eventually broke up. He got with someone else and she got pregnant while we were still legally married. He didn't even have the decency to tell me himself, I found out through rumours, it was a pretty upsetting time!

Moving on was pretty difficult because how do you get into a relationship with someone when there's a very high possibility you can't have children? You can't bring it up early on without seeming like a crazy person, and if you leave it too late it's a problem.

Anyway, I met someone else, we've been together about a year and a half, and he never wants children so it's been fine. He knows my history but I told him I didn't want children either. I've been telling everyone (and myself) that for over 3 years now. I've basically just been getting on with things, and planning a future without kids in it. It's been fine.

Last night I realised I was 2 weeks late, and talked about it and we worried, went through our calendars to double check and started to panic a bit. I reassured him it was probably just because I've been ill and a bit stressed, and it wasn't anything to worry about.

This morning my period arrived. He's really relieved.

I feel so stupid for getting my hopes up again. I'd managed to just make it a non issue and not think about and then overnight, it's all come back up.

He doesn't know how upset I am, I don't want to tell him particularly but don't know if I can hide it either.

I just wish I hadn't realised how late I was, then it just would've been business as usual.

Not really sure how I'm supposed to bury all the feelings again! It took me months first time round now I've got a couple of hours before he gets in from work

Are you sure 'business as usual' is what you really want? You've not said how old you are, but are you actually ready to give up on your dream to have children? You don't sound it

superstupid

fluffnutter wrote: »

Are you sure 'business as usual' is what you really want? You've not said how old you are, but are you actually ready to give up on your dream to have children? You don't sound it

Thanks for your reply.

I don't have a choice but to give up on it. I'm in my mid 30s, I'm with someone who doesn't want kids. Even if I didn't have fertility problems that's not a good position to be in!

I would have to end a relationship with someone I love, in the hope that I *might* find someone else who wants kids, and that I then *might* be able to conceive.

Logically, I believe it's perfectly possible to live a happy and fulfilling life without children in it. There are plus sides to being child free and it's what I've been focussing on for the last however many years.

I just feel like such an idiot for letting myself be hopeful again. I'd accepted the reality, I was living with it, it was fine. Now all of a sudden it's not again and I don't know what to do about that.

Lara44

Hugs (((((((((((Superstupid))))))))))) (Naughty username BTW, as I am sure you are just Super )

Sorry to hear of your sad feelings Apologies I am going to tell you a story about a dear family friend and it will definitely sound a bit like this -

superstupid wrote: »

Hi, never posted here before but really feel like I want to get this stuff out and can't turn to my friends because I just get the old 'a friend of a friend didn't think she could have kids and then got pregnant out of the blue' kind of stuff.

Sorry about that My friend's first marriage ended due to ex-HB infidelity. She met a new partner who was *sure* he didn't want kinds and had already had a vasectomy. She accepted that, but after five or six years of talking, and building a life together they both decided that they really did want to try for kids. He had two failed vasectomy reversals, then a failed IVF cycle where her egg quality was found to be poor. While on the egg donation waiting list they got pregnant naturally and told us all at Christmas. (Cue much crying from all).

Bearing this in mind, I think the most important thing is to reveal your feelings to your OH. Ask him to approach the issue openly, and talk through all the different kinds of lives you might have - even just as a hypothetical exercise. Don't rush to make a decision, but lay it all out there on the line. TTC stress takes its toll too, so it's got to be part of the discussion. I think being able to be really honest with your partner about everything would be very healing. And also, you don't know how his feelings might change until you talk to him.

(Sorry - I hope I haven't overstepped the mark, I know this is a really sensitive issue and only you know your partner and your relationship well enough to decide).

amyloofoo

Lara44 wrote: »

Bearing this in mind, I think the most important thing is to reveal your feelings to your OH. Ask him to approach the issue openly, and talk through all the different kinds of lives you might have - even just as a hypothetical exercise. Don't rush to make a decision, but lay it all out there on the line. TTC stress takes its toll too, so it's got to be part of the discussion. I think being able to be really honest with your partner about everything would be very healing. And also, you don't know how his feelings might change until you talk to him.

(Sorry - I hope I haven't overstepped the mark, I know this is a really sensitive issue and only you know your partner and your relationship well enough to decide).

Thanks Lara, I've been trying to think of a way to say exactly this

Super (I refuse to use your full name ), as hard as it must be, I think you owe it to both of you to have the conversation. Even if your conclusions don't change, something this important needs to be shared and you need some support going forward :grouphug:

vic3

Excellent advice Lara. I think you need to be honest with your oh, super. Hugs x

lilymay1

Hi everyone,

I know I don't lurk here anymore but I'm 1dpo next time someone updates. Ov on CD16. Clomid is doing something right atleast.

Hope everyones okay

Lily x