Change my name back to maiden name but NOT getting divorced....Help me please!

pigpen

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Oh *(&(*&*&^!

tbh (and no offence to the OP or others who have chosen this course of action) I think its sad in way that there are women out there who think that by taking a man's name when they get married its some how letting the sisters down.

It is thought the wedding band evolved from a variety of sources, one being slavery. The fetters evolved to more 'elegant' shackles and bracelets and eventually the 'wedding ring' so is a sign of ownership.. it isn't just the taking of the mans name that makes them a possession rather than an equal.

Mrs = Misters rather than missus, which is just a shortened or slang version of the same.

So yes, for many people it is 'letting the sisters down'

(I took my XH's name because I hated my own surname and we both wore wedding rings.. not that his stopped him sleeping around )

Sambucus_Nigra

Change banks.

claire16c

Tell them you want to close the account (then they'll probably do it). If they don't close it & then ask to open a new one.

fluffnutter

pixie1980 wrote: »

Hi,

Me and my husband got married in August last year. I changed my name at the bank to my husband's but for one reason and another (honeymoon, moving, falling pregnant) I didn't change it anywhere else.

Now I've had a think about it, and talked it through with my hubby obviously, I have decided I would rather keep my maiden name than use his.

As I have not changed it on my passport, driving licence etc I thought it would be easy to swap back. I asked the bank via online banking chat and they said I could change both my name and address (because of the move) when I had photo id. So I waited for my new licence with my current address to come back from dvla. When I went into my bank (natwest) they refused to change my name saying they can only do this with a decree nice. I told them I'm not getting divorced and am still with my husband. They have on the system my maiden name and they let me pay in a check with this on it rather than my husband's surname. I was like "if you can see it's there and I want to go back to it why can't I?" but the man behind the desk was very "computer says no" about it! lol.

I wouldn't give a stuff but some places are a bit weird if you do everything in your actual surname and then pay with a card with a different surname on it. I'm sick of being treated like a thief .

So what the heck can I do to get my name back?

Whomever you spoke to at your bank is talking out of their arse. Write to head office and ask what their process is for changing names. Anyone can change their name at any time - it doesn't have to be part of a marriage or divorce - so they're talking nonsense and they will have a process for name changes.

Don't deal with the numpty in the branch - write to the complaints department.

fluffnutter

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Oh *(&(*&*&^!

tbh (and no offence to the OP or others who have chosen this course of action) I think its sad in way that there are women out there who think that by taking a man's name when they get married its some how letting the sisters down.

It's got nothing to do with 'letting the sisters down'. Why do people think that retaining your name is some sort of right-on feminist gesture? I couldn't give a monkey's what 'the sisters' thought about whether or not I changed my name when I married. In fact, the most pressure to change your name actually comes from women, not men.

pixie1980

Oops started a war!

I have to admit I never really wanted to change my name to my husband's but was going to do this to keep him happy . I was uncomfortable with changing it partly because to me it does signify ownership and I am not a subordinate I am an equal partner. Also because I am attached to my name it having been my father's surname who is sadly no longer with us. (My decision was also affected by how much hassle it is to change it everywhere you need to and I am lazy and cannot be bothered to be honest!:p)

I think it's every woman's individual decision whether to change her name or not. I am excercising my right as a human being to make an informed choice based on my own principles and opinion. The fact that all women are able to make choices such as these is entirely down to the 'sisterhood' of women who banded together to fight for our right to make decisions about our own lives.

I know that most women who change their names do not view this as an indicator that they are owned by their husbands. It is far more common to change your name than not. The meaning of an act within society changes over time. So even though changing your name certainly meant you were now 'under new ownership' in the past it doesn't necessarily mean that now. Some see it as indicating that they are now a 'team' or that this is a new beginning or chapter in their lives. Those are all valid reasons to change your name to your husband's when you marry.

Changing your name just to please your husband is not a valid reason and this is the only basis on which I would actually change it. Sacrificing your own identity and values for the will of another is the definition of subordination. And this is why I will be keeping my name.

And all this is very serious for this time on a Saturday. I now need coffee

msb5262

Hi OP,
When you write to the bank, don't ask them - tell them:
"From x date I will be known as Pixie Ownname rather than Pixie Husbandsname. Please change your records accordingly."
As everyone has said already, it is your right to be known by whatever name you choose.

MsB

PS. On the broader issue of names, I took my husband's name on marriage for many reasons and have kept it although we are divorced...
however, while I didn't mind being called Mrs Myfirstname Marriedname, I really objected to being called Mrs Hisfirstname Marriedname!* It just means "Wife of..." and made me feel that it could mean any random person my husband had married, rather than me!

*to clarify, I didn't mind Mrs Jane Jones but I hated getting Mrs John Jones.

maman

I didn't take my husband's name on marriage but chose instead to keep my former married name. For me it was like a 'professional' name that I was known as through my work.

What I needed to do at the bank was tell them that I might have the occasional cheque to pay in with my husband's name on it as some people jumped to that conclusion. I took my marriage certificate in to show them and they made a file note (comes up on my screen?) to the effect I could use either name.

I agree that people can call themselves any name they like provided they're not trying to defraud anyone.

I'd try the other branch/letter idea. It really is a load of nonsense what you're being told. What if someone doesn't divorce but separates? Surely they wouldn't be forced to use their married name forever because they don't have a decree nisi?

maman

msb5262 wrote: »

Hi OP,
When you write to the bank, don't ask them - tell them:
"From x date I will be known as Pixie Ownname rather than Pixie Husbandsname. Please change your records accordingly."
As everyone has said already, it is your right to be known by whatever name you choose.

MsB

I assume it's more than just changing records as OP will need new cheque book and cards.

mountainofdebt

pixie1980 wrote: »

I have to admit I never really wanted to change my name to my husband's but was going to do this to keep him happy . I was uncomfortable with changing it partly because to me it does signify ownership and I am not a subordinate I am an equal partner.

tbh I have never seen changing my name when I got married as a sign of 'ownership' - as for being a suborinate .......well I guess the arguements that we've had over the years prove if anything I'm not that :rotfl::rotfl:

Perphaps I'm from the old school but it didn't even occur to me not to change my name when I got married - and yes I do have admit I do see it as a 'feminist' guesture (going off to get tin hat) - I see marriage as entering into a partnership not a transferance of ownership

pixie1980 wrote: »

Sacrificing your own identity and values for the will of another is the definition of subordination

Just wait until you have chldren and are then forever more known as X's mum !:rotfl: