Debating whether to go back to work!!

Emmala

MrsHunter wrote: »

Just popping on to say I am in a really similar situation. My youngest has just turned one and my daughter is three. I took voluntary redundancy from a quite well paid job prior to having my DS as I wanted to go to uni to retrain. I started uni in October and it was just too full on with the children so I left and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did!! I'm currently trying to decide whether to look for a job but I really don't want to at all. The problem is we have a lot of debt (although this is currently being managed by Stepchange as we have a Debt Management Plan) and I feel guilty that we may be able to pay it off slightly faster if I worked. The problem is I too would be working for £200-£300 a month and that is before you factor in petrol etc. I really really want to be at home with the children and I love it so so much but I do feel guilty. My husband is due to come in to some money within the next 5 years so I am just relying on that and hoping we can pay the debt off (or at least some of it) then. I really dont want to miss this time with my children.

Sorry I've rambled on there lol but as you can see I'm struggling with the decision too. Let me know what you decide x x

Just read your reply and can sympathise with the feeling guilty bit......I actually added up what we pay to the mortgage in a year a few weeks ago and the guilt hit me big time!!! We are on an interest only mortgage and I've been at home for eight years now, and it made me feel awful! BUT my husband and I are a team, and we both feel strongly that me being here while the children are young is the right thing, so he's always been supportive which helped me not feel as bad. Also, when I think back, up until I went back part time with our firstborn, I used to pay more into the joint account than him because back then I earned more......so we support each other, and over a lifetime there will be time when he shoulder's the responsibility and at other times it will be me. Try not to feel too bad....as long as you and your husband agree that you're in it together, that's all that matters. Don't rush back to ease your guilt over money as there's every chance you'll feel even more guilty about not being there for you kids if you do! Make the most of them while you can, they are only little for a short time xx

mysk_girl

I too am really struggling with this decision. I have a 5yo in full time school, a 3yo in preschool (funded after Easter) and a 12wk old baby. I'm due back to work in September, having worked part time between all my pregnancies. I had no issues returning to work the last 2 times, I have a well paid professional career as a structural engineer, and I can afford childcare for 3 without working for peanuts. I enjoy my job. However, my gut instinct (and my husband and most people I know!) is telling me it's time to take a step back and be a SAHM for a few years. I do risk seriously damaging my employability as it is a fast moving industry, and I'm worried I would be no good at being a SAHM!

My husband earns enough to support us and I have a couple of hobbies that I might be able to turn into a small business from home.

I'm just unable to actually make the leap! Although I do have time, I would need to give notice by 1st September if I don't want to go back. I'm really hoping they make me redundant (currently a possibility!) to save me having to make a decision...

geekymama

One point I don't think anyone's made yet - why take childcare costs just out of the mum's salary? It should be coming out of both parents' salaries, dads are important too and family costs are for both parents not just one.

Currently thinking about this one here. My partner originally suggested that he quit and stay at home when I go back to work, but I feel it's a bit risky to have just one of us working, and I'd also like to spend a bit more time with our son, but not at the cost of his dad's time with him if you see what I mean.

So we're both asking for part-time, will do nursery one or two days a week to cover the rest.

I like VRose's brain acronym, this is how it works out for us, with both going part-time:

Benefits:

• We both get to spend time alone with our son, & together as a family. Better bonding & less childcare costs.
• Less strain on relationship: see a lot of couples who both think the other has it easier being stay-at-home-parents/sole breadwinner. Easier to understand if the other has had a bad day because you've been there too.
• If one of us is made redundant, the other can up hours or at least squeak along with some money coming in until other partner finds another job, instead of it being all or nothing.
• When son is older, we can both go back to well paid full-time work (instead of one of us being stuck on min wage due to career break) and have some hope of paying uni fees in 18 years time!

Risks:

• less money coming in than if we were both working full-time.
• possibly less career progress for a few years (but easier to ramp up again than after a total break).

Alternatives:

• Both full time
• partner stays at home I work
• I stay at home partner works

Intuition:
This seems a fairer choice, and less risky than the alternatives. If it doesn't seem to be working out, we can switch to one of the other options more easily than we could to do the opposite way round.

Nothing:
Go back to work full time. Would be financially better off, but would be stressful. We'd make it work if we had to.


Obviously this is how it works out for us, other families will have different trade-offs & will come to different decisions. It's a tricky one, but we do have a lot more options than back in my parents' day so I guess we should be grateful for that.

sooty&sweep

Hi

As much as I love my two children I'd no desire to be at home with them full time. I enjoyed the time away from them and I think they benefited from having time away from me. When they were at nursery I was fulltime although I wish I could have been part-time.

Jen