Any advice greatly appreciated!

Sooetie

I agree with the previous posters
As you are not going to reconcile with your ex don't spend money on the house that he will benefit from.
I was in a similar situation 10 years ago. I ended the marriage for the same reasons and it takes time to get over all the bad memories.
I got a divorce and sold the house which allowed me to move on with my 2 DS.
You don't say if a divorce is in progress but as you are with a new partner maybe you should be thinking about it, including parental rights.
It won't be easy but you have a partner to help share the burden and also look to your family and friends.
Counselling is an option if you can get it.
Good luck

pigpen

Mediation is a compulsory part of the divorce process now so you should discuss this and the issues regarding your son there. Even if he signs away any interest in your house he can still claim up to 25% if he has majority care of your son, the solicitor could insist on it as part of settlement and the CSA would count all income including house equity fair game for their process.

I'd get his name removed before selling it though and see if you vould come to an arrangemnt regarding paying a percentage of any profits into an ISA or something for your sons future.. there is unlikely to be equity you say so what difference does it make if you sell it now or not? If you take into account court costs and the mortgage payments surely it is easier to just sell up now and cut your losses and move on.

belfastgirl23

The issue isn't really the house, it's that you have not tied things up finally with your ex. You need first of all to figure out is he willing to sign over the house, and go ahead and get this organised. Small steps you can take today/tomorrow

Arrange to meet with him and work out your script for what you need to say
Contact your local women's aid and ask for a solicitor recommendation
Set up a meeting with the solicitor for once you've seen your ex

I wouldn't at this stage say to him you are thinking of selling, more that its a new year resolution to get the house fixed up and you need to make sure the legal situation is clarified before you do. And swallow any pride and appear grateful to him if he does let things go ahead ok - in the spirit of catching more flies with honey

Remember doing nothing is not really an option here and will cost you a lot more money longer term as the house gradually disintegrates. I think you have been avoiding dealing with this and will feel an awful lot better for making a start on it.

Purleygirl

I'm glad that you have a new relationship and that you are happy, it seems like your new partner and the quiet life that you have with him and the village sounds just what you needed. Just an idea, if two of your sons are adults now, is there a way that you could put the house in their names, with your third son also added to the deeds when he is 18. It seems a pity to let go of a property that you got at a good price, could they do it up, rent it and look after it, or get a letting agent to take charge. That way you have passed an investment on to your sons, even your ex can't be bitter about that. If it were me and I was sure about the new relationship I would definitely discuss the option of handing the property to my kids. I really don't think you should hand the house over to your ex, he doesn't deserve it! Another thought is that you move in with your new partner and rent the property out yourself, your ex will have to be involved as his name is on the deeds. Discuss all the options with your partner and your sons, I expect they will have some valid input and you won't feel so confused. Well done you for getting away from a bad marriage, you've shown how strong you can be, so carry on with the positive work.

Slinky_Malinky

Where will you go if your current relationship ends?

podperson

Tbh I've just read the thread through and before I got to your update I was thinking it would be the easier option if your ex wanted the house. He needs to be making the mortage payments though.

Do you want to keep your name on the house? It's giving you a constant financial tie to your ex, making your liable for any problems he may have in keeping up payments in the long term - and if you want to get another mortgage down the line then it could affect your chances if you're named on one already (if you're waiting until your son is 18, that's what 12 years, do you not see yourself wanting to buy anywhere else in that time period?). For me, that would probably cancel out any hope of getting some equity back if and when he sold it down the line - but I suppose it's a personal choice.

Looking at the practicalities - is there any equity in it at the moment, could you get a valuation on it and see what comes back in terms of the condition, could your ex afford to 'buy you out' if there is, if you signed it over to him then would you then need to pay back some of the council discount.

Mojisola

phill99 wrote: »

Why have you cross posted this on the house buying forum?

pixie76 wrote: »

Because I wanted practical advice about the property & personal advice. Sorry I will delete one of the posts if I wasn't allowed to do this.

You will get a different kind of advice on the house buying forum so it's worth having a thread there but link the two together.

MrsE_2

pigpen wrote: »

Mediation is a compulsory part of the divorce process now .

No its not. I got divorced the end of last year. I was asked to engadge with mediation but I refused & we got divorced.

Tiddlywinks

It's not just a case of 'taking your name off' paperwork - the house is mortgaged and you are responsible for that contract.

You would effectively need to pass ownership over to your ex and he would need to get his own mortgage - is he in a financial position to get the mortgage on his own? I'm assuming it would be for the full market value as you will need to repay the council an amount for the discount previously given as you are selling within 5 years.

Where will you live? Where will you see and stay with your son for his time with you?

Person_one

Is your ex still with the girlfriend who upsets your son?

This isn't a long term solution so please don't do anything to make it permanent.