Family going on and on

fluffnutter

burnoutbabe wrote: »

when you get pregnant will you never mention it to anyone in case you cause distress? or complain about it?

It's not about mentioning it. Or even complaining particularly. As the OP says she has a number of pregnant friends whom she's very excited and happy for - there's just a problem with her SIL because a) she won't stop banging on and b) she knows full well that her own SIL is really struggling so a bit of sensitivity wouldn't go amiss.

There are ways of both sharing your happiness about your pregnancy with your friends/family and being sensitive to their lives. I know because I've been there myself.

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

It's not about mentioning it. Or even complaining particularly. As the OP says she has a number of pregnant friends whom she's very excited and happy for - there's just a problem with her SIL because a) she won't stop banging on and b) she knows full well that her own SIL is really struggling so a bit of sensitivity wouldn't go amiss.

There are ways of both sharing your happiness about your pregnancy with your friends/family and being sensitive to their lives. I know because I've been there myself.

This was always going to be hard, and I think it might be the relationship that's making her reaction different to her reaction to her friend's pregnancies.

I don't know, there's only one side of the story here and its possible that it wouldn't matter how hard the SIL tried to be sensitive, it wouldn't be enough and the OP would still feel resentful.

I can't imagine how hard it is for people struggling with infertility, but women are never going to stop having babies, and they are allowed to be happy about it and talk about it.

Maybe there should be some sort of counselling alongside fertility treatments to help women to cope with this sort of situation. Or is it there already?

fluffnutter

Person_one wrote: »

This was always going to be hard, and I think it might be the relationship that's making her reaction different to her reaction to her friend's pregnancies.

I don't know, there's only one side of the story here and its possible that it wouldn't matter how hard the SIL tried to be sensitive, it wouldn't be enough and the OP would still feel resentful.

I can't imagine how hard it is for people struggling with infertility, but women are never going to stop having babies, and they are allowed to be happy about it and talk about it.

Maybe there should be some sort of counselling alongside fertility treatments to help women to cope with this sort of situation. Or is it there already?

It's not about a woman having a baby and being happy about it though is it? Else the OP would struggle with all of her pregnant friends. I think you're right that perhaps more is expected of her SIL, but then why not? They're family. Why can't the SIL rein it in a bit, knowing as she does, that the OP would desperately like to be pregnant with a cousin for this new baby?

I'm always really aware of how blessed I am, and I'd hate to think that I banged on about how hard it all is, and how terrible I felt when I was pregnant and blah blah to any of my friends who've still not managed to have a baby, despite wanting to. I have a very close friend who I know would have loved to have had children and I agonised about how best to tell her I was pregnant. The thought that I'd have just pitched up round hers banging on about how dreadful I felt every day feels me with shame and horror personally. What a cruel thing to do! It's not all about me. I have plenty of people I can share my unbridled joy with - I didn't need to rub it in my mate's face.

As an aside, fertility clinics do offer counselling services and this is something that you'd be easily able to discuss.

VK-2008

i am not resentful, it's the constant this or that and moaning,]i am more than happy the she is pregnant, as that is my niece or nephew who i will love and adore. yes i would love it to be me, but it's not
yes people who are pregnant can announce there news and talk about bump and baby stuff but for example facebook its constant all the time and it has meant that iv had to remove her from new feed, and i feel bad in doing so, but pregnancy is a natural thing in life just like getting a new job, moving house, getting married etc but to go and on and on every day about its blinking annoying.
i get what people have said maybe i am more sensitive and even though i would like to say i am not i probably am slightly, but as mentioned i have 5 other friends, another sil who is pregnant and two work colleagues and i can speak open and freely with them all and enjoy their bumps.

hawk30

I would ignore the people saying that you are being overly sensitive. You have been much more tolerant than I ever was about this. Unless people experience the pain of infertility they don't really get it and I think you have been very strong in listening to other people discuss their pregnancies. I think you are more than justified in hoping for some sensitivity on her part.

FBaby

So she is probably a bit self-centred by nature, likes attention, and been lucky in life so she takes things for granted. That's quite normal for many people.

Also, you have to respect the fact that pregnancy can be very unpleasant and warrants moaning. I know some women who struggle to fall pregnant, complained about those who moaned, and ended up the biggest moaners themselves when they go stuck with the horrible morning sickness and the rest...it's amazing how it can make you forget that you should be grateful for what you have when you feel so sick you feel like you are almost dying!

I really do think that the best thing to do in this situation is to try to stay away. She has a right to moan. Whether it is justified or not, only she really knows. Do give her the benefit of the doubt, you never know, she might be a great one to moan to when you are yourself pregnant

VK-2008

i may be cruel when my turn comes round and moan constantly to her! lol!
dont think i could do that i think if anyone is going to get the moans it will be dh since he got me preggers lol!